


Momyuki

by Hazellum



Series: Momyuki Stuff [1]
Category: Gravity Falls, Invader Zim
Genre: Asexual Relationship, Dib actually died, Dib dies twice, Dib is Depresso, F/M, Gaz is about to die soon, Gore, I dunno I don't do analysis, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Irken language maybe eventually, Irkens Hibernate, Irkens can get hanahaki, Keef gives zero shits, Keef is better than chicken and rice, Keef is nice, Miyuki and Membrane romance, Miyuki just coughs up a bouqet, Pacifica Northwest is in this fic, Romance, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Terminal Illnesses, The Swollen Eyeball Network (Invader Zim), The Swollen Eyeballs are evil, Zib was in this fic for 1 chapter, but doesn't stay dead, literally thats it - Freeform, oh yeah, this'll be fun, very evil, very very evil, yupp
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:35:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 24
Words: 67,881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24724648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hazellum/pseuds/Hazellum
Summary: What if Miyuki didn't die, but instead was yeeted forward in time by the Energy Beast? What if Zim found her, and brought her back to earth? Come with me, and we'll see.
Relationships: Almighty Tallest Miyuki/Professor Membrane, ZADF - Relationship
Series: Momyuki Stuff [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1814236
Comments: 35
Kudos: 97





	1. Chapter 1

As Tallest Miyuki stared out over the Earthen City from her chair on the roof of Zim's base, she pondered the events that had brought her here. Apparently, that energy-beast Zim had created had catapulted her forward in time. Since she just vanished, and Spork was shortly eviscerated by it, everyone had assumed she'd died.

And Zim, her sweet little Zim, had found her drifting through space near this system's sun. He'd brought her to his base, and told her everything that had happened while she was gone. Of course, as soon as he got to the part about being reassigned to Foodcourtia, she had asked him to leave the room for a bit. She used this time well.

It had been so much fun. As soon as she sent through a transmission, she could see more evidence of how derelict her replacements had been in their duties. They, from what she could gather from the Irken in charge of transmissions, made a habit of throwing shorters out of airlocks.

When "Red" and "Purple" accepted the transmission, they weren't even facing the screen. They were watching a movie! How infuriating. If this was what the Empire had dissolved into, she wasn't sure she wanted to go back.

She sat there, in silence, for several minutes. Eventually, these Tallests-Hah! They were barely six feet tall!- started to get impatient, and they turned to face her.

"Zim! I thought we told you not to contact us!" whined one of them, the red one, before going pale when he realized who he was speaking to.

"You're n- You're not Zim, are you?" asked the purple one, as his olive-green skin turned a paler hue. He visibly started to tremble, and nearly fell out of his seat.

"No. I'm not. You thought I was dead, didn't you? However, as soon as you got you Pak upgrades, you must have realized I wasn't. After all, can't you check the status of all Irkens, arranged in order of height?"

"N-no Ma'am. I mean-" the red one seemed to be trying to explain himself, but she wasn't going to let him.

"Oh? So you didn't get the upgrades? You merely got the appearance modifiers? My, my, my. How fun!" chuckled Miyuki, placing one hand on her chin as she tilted her head and stared into the screen.

"So you wouldn't by chance," said Miyuki, as she moved her hand from her chin to the cyan gauntlet on her other wrist, "Be able to do this?"

As she flipped a lid on the gauntlet, a panel filled with buttons was revealed. She quickly typed in a command. Both the buffoons in front of her dropped to the floor and began screaming. Sparks flew from their Paks, and a wide grin spread across Miyuki's face.

She pressed a button, and the screaming stopped. It was replaced with panting and an occasional whimper. The two impostor Tallests dragged themselves into their seats. A navigator in the back let out a chuckle, and they whipped their heads around to glare at him. So they're not well-liked.

"Out of the airlock with-" both of them began to shout simultaneously but were quickly cut off.

"I don't think so, boys. You forget who's in charge here. Now, do you want another shock?" asked Miyuki, hovering one hand over the control panel. The glint in her eyes showed that she hoped they would be dumb enough to backtalk her.

"What do you think, Navigator? Should they get shocked?" she said, turning her gaze towards the navigator. Even with the graininess in the screen, she could see him shake his head no. "What a shame."

Shaking her head, Miyuki continued. She told them that they would remain known as the Tallests, but only because she was going to take a vacation. She explained that this was their chance to redeem themselves. If they could prove their worth, maybe her vacation, upon its end, would not spell their end.

Both of them nodded their heads vigorously. As they cut off the transmission, she could see them sink into their seats, and begin to scream. This time, in terror and anxiety, not pain.

A few Months Later

As Miyuki exercised in the sanctum of Zim's base, she heard the Computer alert about someone at the door. Doing one more pull-up, she dropped to the floor and strode to a chute. She typed in a command on her gauntlet as she went up, and began to flicker.

Dib stepped back in surprise when it wasn't Zim who answered the door. Instead, it was a long-haired woman in a tank top and businesslike slacks, sweat dripping from her. She had just been working out. Her raven hair hung from her head in a ponytail which went all the way to her thighs.

Another thing Dib noticed was that this woman was tall. She had to be seven-foot, at least. And she didn't seem hypnotized. This was weird. Why was there a human woman in Zim's base?

"Who are you? Where is Zim? I know he's up to something!" shouted Dib, as he stepped into the house portion of Zim's base. Miyuki was extremely confused. Who the hell was this short human? How did he know Zim? Was this the "Dib-stink" Zim told her about.

"Are you Dib?" she asked, getting down on one knee so she could look, Dib- well, not in the eye, but at least so she could look at him properly.

Dib jumped back, not realizing he was just going further into Zim's base. How did this woman know him? He ran up to her and clambered up her leg to sit on this strange woman's back. He began checking under her hair for mind-control implants, or signs that she was a robot.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, smaller?!" shouted Miyuki, standing up quickly. However, to her annoyance, the child refused to fall off.

"Don't worry ma'am! Whatever manner of mind-control device Zim has implanted in your head, I'll get it out!" yelled Dib, as he pulled a buzzsaw out of his bag. Miyuki quickly threw herself backward, smashing the child between herself and the floor. This was definitely Zim's nemesis.

As soon as the child let go, Miyuki whirled around and grabbed his ankles. She stood up to her full height. This was diminished by her disguise, but still tall. She wrapped her arms around the child's torso. Running towards the wall, she ran up the wall, bouncing off furniture and shelves as she went. Reaching the ceiling, oh, 15 or so feet up, she moved her arms to place the child firmly beneath her feet and leapt towards the floor.

When Dib woke up, he was seated at the table in Zim's dining room- wait Zim had a dining room? He looked around and saw that woman from earlier pulling something out of the oven in the kitchen. she walked over to him and set a tray of fresh brownies on the table before sitting. down.

"Hi, I'm Miyuki. Zim's adoptive mother. Let's talk," she said as if she hadn't just body-slammed him from 15 in the flipping air.

Miyuki sat there and wondered how the hell this smeet was alive. If he was this hardy, he deserved his place as Zim's nemesis. he was probably the only one to ever wake up the same day as having had her use her signature body slam on them.

Well, it didn't matter. She needed to come up with a story, and fast. What could she tell this "Dib" that he would believe? He was so suspicious of everything and foolhardy to boot.

Wait. His suspicion. She could play off that.

"Yes, the other day, Zim walked right up to an adoption agency and put himself up for adoption. We tried to contact his parents, but he didn't have any. Poor dear. He must have been alone so long".

This idiot was buying it! He was eating up everything she said! This was amazing. Ooooh, she could have some fun here. Miyuki proceeded to weave a grand tale about how Zim had told the kind people at the adoption agency that he needed someone to do "adult hyooman things" for him, like accessing the bank. She watched as Dib formulated a plan to stop Zim's latest "scheme."

Dib was amazed at what he was hearing. Zim had gone and gotten himself adopted! The dumb idiot probably thought he could brainwash whatever poor sod took him in, but this woman was too strong for him. What he heard next made his day.

"I can't believe those dolts at the orphanage didn't realize they had an alien on their hands. I mean, he's bright green!" cried Miyuki, hiding her smile behind one hand. Dib stared, before beginning to cry. Finally, someone who saw the truth!

However, what he heard next made him want to scream. Apparently, Zim had this woman convinced he was stranded on Earth, and that he had peaceful intentions. She was using his base as exercise equipment.

Both Dib and Miyuki jumped when the front door slammed open. Miyuki didn't waste a second before running into the living room.

"Oh! Tall-" Zim started to greet Miyuki in his regular scream-y volume before she clapped a hand over his mouth. She gave Zim the rundown on what was going on, and that Dib thought she was human. 

"I mean, totally Hyooman parent-figure! Yes! Of course! It is I, your child Zim! I am your child because of adoption! Yes! Of course!" screamed Zim, even louder than before. He then marched into the kitchen and sat in the trashcan, which emptied him into his base. 

Miyuki sighed and stepped through a hidden door in the wall into an enclosure, where she zipped on down to follow Zim.

"Well, that was weird. I hope that woman is okay. She seemed strong," said Dib, before Computer picked him up and threw him out the front door.

A few weeks later

Professor Membrane was just sitting down to eat dinner with his children when there was a knock at the door. He smiled and realized his guests were coming, after all.

"Hello, Professor. Thank you so much for helping me out at the PTA meeting earlier. Those Karens were a real pain." said Miyuki, as she ushered Zim in the door.

"I don't think you needed any help, really." chuckled Professor Membrane, as he walked back to the table, now with Miyuki and Zim in tow. He really couldn't get over what had happened.

*Cue Flashback Transition*

Karen, Becky, and Tracy had been on the PTA longer than anyone could remember. Their kids had long since graduated, but everyone was too scared to try and suggest that maybe they should leave.

That was until the new parent came to the meetings. Apparently, she was the adoptive mother of that odd green child. She was terrifying; for every bit short her son was, she was tall. And she wasn't lanky. She looked like she could bench press a school bus.

Sensing new prey, the trio closed in for the kill. They first tried spraying her with their essential oils, but she merely leaped into the rafters like it was nothing.

When they tried to badger her about joining their MLM, she merely started to sprint laps around the school. Along the way, she would slap the trio every time she passed. Each time, they'd all go flying.

Beaten and scared, they tried to run. They escaped to the meeting room, just as the conference was called to start. They thought they would be safe. They thought wrong.

For Miyuki didn't do anything in halves. She was the new head of the PTA. When the trio realized this, they tried to fight it. Karen tried to claim she was too inexperienced. Miyuki pulled out proof that she was a retired ambassador to France and a former member of parliament. Becky tried to say she wasn't a good parent. Miyuki showed proof that she had only recently adopted Zim, and that since coming into her care, his grades had skyrocketed. Tracy tried to say that Zim was sickly, so Miyuki should spend her time with him. Professor Membrane brought up statistics that being active in the community was good for a child's health.

*end flashback*


	2. Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miyuki and Zim go over to the Membrane household for dinner. Later, Dib sees Miyuki at Costco.

Realizing he had just been staring off into space for a moment, Professor Membrane shook his head and blushed slightly. Not that anyone could tell, of course, what with the high collar on his lab coat. Glancing over at his children, he noticed that Dib was picking at his food. His son seemed more concerned with glaring at Zim than eating.

Zim wasn't eating either, but he wasn't looking at Dib. He was looking at Miss Miyuki. Membrane mulled this over and concluded that he could see why someone would have their eye drawn to her. The geometry of her face was pleasing to the eye and mathematically symmetrical.

Little did he know, Miyuki was making similar observations about him. She marveled at how such a short creature commanded the grace of a Tallest, as well as the power. This one human had catapulted Humanity through a period in which most species required teams of researchers working day and night to even approach. He was a man after her own heart.

Wait, what was she thinking? She was Almighty Tallest Miyuki, proud leader of the Irkens! While yes, she would care for smeets in the hatcheries, she had no time for someone of another species! She had no time for roman- No. She wouldn't even deign to think the word. She certainly would not make the first move. After all, there was no way this human would ever feel the same way!

Although...

"Tell me, Professor. How goes your work at the labs?" she asked, cursing herself all the while. Why did she feel this way? WHat even were these feelings? Why did she so want to talk to this pathetic lower lifeform?

As soon as what Miyuki had asked him registered, Membrane's face turned so red he was surprised it wasn't contributing to the heat death of the universe. He stammered a bit, before beginning to explain their recent work into developing a theoretical Dyson Sphere which would enable warp drives.

Miyuki was sipping at her soup when she heard realized Membrane wasn't in the theoretical stages of building a Dyson Sphere but was merely having trouble sourcing resources. As soon as she realized this, she jerked upright in her chair and spat soup into the wall so hard it left a dent.

"Dyson Spheres!? Even the Irk- I mean, even the labs I work at haven't been able to get a handle on that! Do you realize what this could mean? If Earth starts developing Dyson Spheres, then-" Miyuki cut herself off, realizing she couldn't say anything more without exposing herself.

"What I'm trying to say is, this research is amazing. I've been looking to change institutes where I work; would you mind putting in a good word for me at Membrane Labs? I'd love to help with this research." Hoping no-one would notice her blunder, Miyuki sat back in her chair.

"Yes Pathetic human! Allow my Almighty Ta- I mean my Mother to work at your labs so tha-" Zim started to rant, but was quickly stopped when Miyuki stamped on his foot under the table.

"Err, of course. Where do you work at the moment?" asked Membrane, realizing that it would be quite funny to see the other researchers react to a buff, seven-foot-tall woman entering their ranks. Usually, the only people working at the labs were nerdy science stereotypes.

Realizing she had only dug her hole even deeper, Miyuki quickly explained that it was a privately owned Aerospace and Genetic Engineering facility in Japan. She was glad she had thought to research this planet while she was there.

Dib looked closer at Miyuki and realized that she did, in fact, have some of the signature attributes of a scientific researcher. Namely, pencil lead smeared down the pinky finger on her dominant hand, smoothed pads on her fingers from typing in copious amounts of notes, and red-rimmed eyes from staring at the smallest details of an experiment or report all day. He also noticed that, like his dad, she was excellent at covering scars with concealer.

Not liking how the human smeet was staring at her, Miyuki told Membrane that she had baked banana bread to bring over, but had forgotten it and that she'd be right back. She calmly walked over to Zim's base, waved through the Membrane's window at them, and then entered the base. Upon closing the door, Miyuki immediately turned off her disguise, punched a wall, and screamed. 

"Why the EVER INVADING SMERCH do I feel this flustered!" she raged, as she completely trashed the front room of the house. Zooming down into the heart of the base, she ran into a time dilation chamber and proceeded to work out for five seconds. Thankfully, due to the time dilation, this workout felt like an hour to her, and she could do multiple reps on most of the equipment, and clean herself with the chalk.

Striding back into the kitchen, she pulled some banana bread out of the oven and walked back to the Membrane household. This time, she would not let her emotions get the better of her. She couldn't allow herself to show weakness.

A few hours later

"Oh my Irk! What happened here! My Tallest, it appears we have been attacked!" shouted Zim, as he began to run around the front room. He stopped when he saw Gir sitting on the upturned couch.

"Gir! Did you do this! Apologise to Miyuki! Now!"

"That won't be necessary, Zim. I was the one who made this mess. I was rather... frustrated with the Dib-Smeet," said Miyuki. And she was! She really was! There was nothing else wrong. Absolutely no other reason why she was flustered.

"Now, clean up this mess. I need to go do something," she continued, as she disappeared into the base proper. 

"Computer, I want you to run a full Pak Diagnostic."

"Are you sure? This base was originally outfitted for a Smaller, I've already had to put everything at its largest size capacity, what with Zim's recent growth spurts."

"Yes, I'm sure. Part of the reason I work out so much is so I stay limber and can use even a Smaller's equipment," sighed Miyuki, as he realized what this would entail. Looking over at the Pak diagnostic tube, she realized just how squished she would be. 

A few moments later, Computer began giving a full report. Apparently, something in the energy beast had disabled her emotional inhibitors. As such, she was capable of a much wider array of emotions than most non-defective Irkens at the moment.

"Yes, but what's wrong with me? What has that human Taller done to my Pak? He must have done something. Something presence-activated. It twists my Spooch in a knot and makes my tongue feel swollen," complained Miyuki, as she casually punched the reinforced glass of the tube into dust. After all, how dare it squish her? And it didn't have any value anymore, so she could happily destroy it.

"Oh, I don't know. Could I have possibly said something recently which might allude to the reason you are feeling the way you are? Could I? I don't know. It's too bad no one pays attention to me," sighed Computer. It sounded genuine until you realized that sarcasm wasn't a tone of voice with it; sarcasm was a way of life.

Glaring at the insolent machine, Tallest Miyuki began to pace. How could she, a Tallest, have feelings for a lower life form?

"Well, just bloody re-enable the damn thing!" she shouted, in the direction of Computer's core processing unit.

"I'm afraid once it's deactivated, there is no reenabling procedure. It would require a total Pak wipe," chuckled Computer, before continuing, "and I don't think you want that, do you?"

Miyuki replied, "No, I don't you pile of bolts and oil. Now, tell me a way to fix this before I dismantle you for scrap." 

As she walked away from the computer, Miyuki felt a slight tickle in the back of her throat. She ignored it and hoped it would go away.

A Couple Days Later, at Costco

Ugh! She was incredibly tall compared to most humans, even in her disguise, and she still couldn't reach the top shelves at this "Costco." She doubted she could even without her disguise. And that accursed tickle in her throat was still there.

Looking around, she was sure no one was watching. She typed in a quick command in her pad to disable any nearby cameras and then turned off her disguise. She was going to get that peanut butter protein powder, or so help her!

Standing on her tiptoes, Miyuki still came up about a foot short of the protein powder. Curses! Why would humans need shelves so tall? They'd need ladders just to get up here!

Coming around the corner to pick up some Turmeric for a new spell drive recipe, Dib nearly shat himself when he saw what was in the aisle in front of him. An Irken! A very tall Irken! She- at least, he thought it was a she- had cyan eyes, long antennae, and was *twelve friggin feet tall*. He didn't know Irkens could get that big! What was she doing here?

Crap! Miss Miyuki was supposed to be coming to Costco today! He had to go warn her not to come in!

"I've got to go warn Miss Miyuki!" he shouted, as he ran away. Miyuki turned her head and saw him run.

"Shit."

Scrambling to re-enable her disguise, Miyuki vaulted of the shelf towards the ceiling. Tearing a hole in it, she ran across the roof and leapt into the parking lot. She turned around and had just managed to look like she was walking towards the door when Dib burst out of it. 

"Why hello Dib! how are you?" she nonchalantly asked, schooling her face into a relaxed expression.

"H-Hey, Miss Miyuki. You don't want to go in there! There's a big mess. Someone tipped over a shelf! L- Let's come back another day! Heh, heh." Dib looked exhausted.

"Of course. Would you like a ride back in myVoo- cAR. In my Car?" asked Miyuki, gesturing at her Voot, which was currently disguised with a hologram.

"Oh, neat! I saw earlier how you can make it fly! Dad made flying cars a while back, but decided not to release them to the public until people get better at driving," rambled Dib, looking anxiously over his shoulder. The whole time he was thinking, *please don't come out here please don't come out here*.

Walking over to her Voot, Miyuki realized she'd fucked up. The interior wasn't dish=guised. What could she do? Maybe...

"Zim's been making some upgrades. I had no idea he was such a promising engineer," she said, as she showed Dib the interior.

*Oh shit. Zim's turned her car into a Voot!* thought Dib, as he uneasily sat in the rear seat. He was glad it was an expanded one, at least.

As she began to drive, making sure to keep the Voot on the ground, Miyuki began to cough. Covering her mouth, she sent out a silent hope to the Control Brains that it wouldn't be what she thought it was. 

Moving her hand away, she saw it held a single, bright blue flower petal. Curses. She'd feared this would happen. Ah well, she would manage. Just... maybe she wouldn't go back to Irk after all. Why get their hopes up just to leave them again so soon?

"Mo- I mean, Miss Miyuki," said Dib, blushing furiously, "what's the matter? Are you sick?" He couldn't believe he'd almost called this woman "Mom."

"I- No- I mean... Yes. Its terminal and the treatment is very hard to come by. I doubt even all the science in your father's labs could help," she sighed, staring out the window. And here she was hoping to go home someday.

"I'm sure Dad could find something! What are the symptoms?" asked Dib, genuinely worried.

"It's actually quite... paranormal. If anyone were to find out, I'd be laughed out of the scientific community," lied Miyuki, easily as if she was born doing it. "It's called Hanahaki. I should have a few years, so I'm just going to try to ignore it," said Miyuki, turning around in her seat to smile at Dib.

Dib perked up when Miyuki mentioned the paranormal, and said, "I love the paranormal! I'll do some research, and in the meantime, Dad was able to help a bit when Gaz got cursed, so I'll just talk to him about it. Okay?"

Miyuki sighed and stared resolutely ahead, gritting her teeth. She told Dib she'd make an appointment with his father, and that she'd give him a full rundown of her symptoms. She also told Dib that she'd need to purchase some face masks because it could very soon be contagious.

As soon as they pulled up in front of their houses, Dib jumped out of the car and ran to his room to look up Hanahaki on the Swollen Eyeball network. Miyuki walked somberly to her front door, let herself inside, and collapsed on the couch. As her disguise flickered out, she buried her face in her hands and began to cry.


	3. Contagion

Three Days Later

"Miss Miyuki! Hi! My son said you were... ill, and that your illness was rather rare. He seemed convinced it was some manner of curse, much like when Gaz contracted Pig-Mouth. Would you mind giving me a rundown of your symptoms?" asked Professor Membrane, going into full "SCIENCE!" mode. He paced rapidly around the room, aligning equipment and organizing test tubes.

Miyuki knew that to fully explain everything would give away that she was an alien, so she gave Membrane a condensed version of her symptoms. She told him that it was an illness in which her body produced flower-like structures and that it was onset by mental factors. Honestly, Membrane was surprised by how clinical and well-worded her reply was. It gave him what he needed to know, without rambling. Of course, he didn't know why he was surprised; she was a scientist as well.

"Hmmm. It would seem I'm going to need to do a few different kinds of tests before I can begin researching a treatment. From the sounds of it, a lobotomy would cure you outright but would leave you mentally unsound. As you work in the scientific field as well, I am sure this is not an acceptable outcome. So, I will work for some manner of medication that can limit your symptoms," Membrane rambled, as he gathered everything he would need to do a blood test.

As the professor prepped her for a blood test, Miyuki hoped that any abnormalities (AKA her not being human) could be explained away by her illness. Worrying that her carapace would break the needle, she intentionally softened in the crook of her elbow. As the little tube began to fill up with blood, Membrane looked decidedly worried.

"Oh my, that's.. not normal," lied Miyuki, cringing internally. Membrane agreed with her and stared concernedly at the magenta liquid. When a flower petal floated to the top of the blood, Miyuki's worry turned real. She could only hope that firstly, she wouldn't come into contact with whoever had caused her onset of Hanahaki, and secondly that whoever it was didn't reciprocate her feelings. It may mean her death, but she wouldn't want anyone getting ill on her accord.

After getting enough blood, Membrane removed the needle and bandaged Miyuki's arm. He then turned around and inserted the blood into an analysis device. 

As he was doing so, Miyuki began to cough. At first, it was merely a small one, as if she was choking on her own spit. Soon, however, the professor had turned around in worry as Miyuki kept hacking away.

Miyuki looked at her hand, already knowing what would be there. A soft, pristine flower petal. It looked like it was freshly plucked from an azalea blossom.

"If you don't mind, may I run some tests on that? It may help me figure out what exactly is going on here," asked Membrane, as he grabbed the freshly printed results from the blood test.

As Miyuki agreed, Membrane studied the results of the blood test. Now, he realized, it was really time to worry. Whatever disease she had must be so far progressed her DNA results weren't even coming up human! 

"Miss Miyuki, would you mind if we do an MRI? I'm honestly concerned for your wellbeing, and since this... flower petal isn't as easy to analyze as blood, results on it will take a while."

Realizing that if she didn't take drastic measures, Membrane would see that her internal structure was decidedly inhuman, Miyuki agreed but excused herself for a trip to the restroom first. 

Creating an internal hologram was rather tricky, as it would have to stand up to an MRI. However, with the help of her Pak and pre-existing Disguise Module, Miyuki managed.

Heading back to the exam room, she began to cough again. Thankfully, this time there were no petals. As she stepped into the room, Membrane gestured to the MRI machine. Laying down, Miyuki realized just how cold the exam table was. Of course, humans wouldn't have heated exam tables' why should she expect anything different?

A few hours later

Professor Membrane was sitting in his office, hunched over paperwork. He was trying to make sense of the test results on that flower petal, and Miyuki's MRI, but everything was entirely nonsensical! From the looks of things, her lungs were just... forming azaleas! They were all throughout her circulatory system. Not to mention, her blood didn't even have trace elements of human DNA. According to these results, she was about as human as his chair!

Groaning in frustration, he sat back in his chair and massaged his temples. Removing his goggles, he rubbed his eyes. It was strange not to have his eyes covered. Ever since he'd nearly lost them to shrapnel, he'd made a habit of only removing them in his bedroom. Sliding them back over his face, he set back to work.

This wouldn't be the first time he broke the bounds of science to save someone's life. Hopefully, this would turn out as well as last time.  
Last Time.

He could remember it as clear as if it had happened yesterday, even though it had happened when Gaz was still in the incubation tube. Dib had just turned three, yet his body was starting to shut down. Something must have gone wrong during the cloning process, but had lain dormant.

Professor Membrane shook himself out of the memory and got back t work. He would be having some long nights for a while. Then again, when didn't he... Shit!

Jumping out the window, Membrane activated his rocket boots. He was almost late for dinner with Dib and Gaz! He knew it would be too easy to slip into old habits, but he wasn't going to let that happen. Who cares if a few pigeons get vaporized?

Arriving at home, Membrane set down in his front lawn. Looking at his watch as he ran to the door, he realized he was three minutes late. Double Shit.

As he slammed the door open, he could see Gaz and Dib sitting patiently at the table. He ran to Foodio and turned him on to "Roast Chicken with Rice." Five minutes later, food was on the table.

"So, Dad, how was the lab?" asked Gaz, as she put away her GameSlave. Membrane felt even guiltier. He stuttered and tried to explain, but ended up just telling both his children the whole truth.

"OOOH! DAD! Miss Miyuki told me it was called Hanahaki Disease! I've been doing some research," exclaimed Dib, as he began waving some papers overhead.

"Oh? And what is it you've found?" asked Membrane, as Gaz began to laugh hysterically. "Gazlene! Apologize to your brother? Why are you laughing?"

"Sorry, Dib. And Dad, its because that's some weeb shi- crap," snarked Gaz, barely catching herself before she swore in front of her father.

As he listened to Gaz, Membrane began to cough. It felt like he had something stuck in his throat. Taking a deep gulp of water, Membrane continued eating.

Dib had spent the morning at Zim's house, but Miss Miyuki had sent him home- with a chocolate cake- when she got back. Gaz had made it to level eighty-five on her new game.

Membrane tried to pay attention, but he kept coughing. Cursed seasonal allergies. Coughing into his elbow, he got up to make himself a pot of tea. 

"Dad, are you alright? You're coughing an awful lot," remarked Dib, looking worried. As Membrane set the tea to steep, Dib began digging through the stack of papers he had by his chair. Before he could pull out what he was looking for, Membrane was dashing downstairs.

This wasn't good. He had gone and caught whatever Miss Miyuki had. This "Hanahaki" disease. He'd need to initiate full quarantine protocol, both for his house and her house. He'd also need to initiate inferniary sanitization protocols for his office at the labs. Looking down at the little flower petal in his hand, Membrane slammed his fist into a large red button on the wall. Sirens began blaring throughout his lab, and a bubble formed around his and Miyuki's houses, popping together to form one bubble. Meanwhile, at the labs, his office set ablaze before quickly extinguishing itself. No bacterium would survive that 1200 degree heat.

A notice was also sent out to all employees of Membrane Labs that there had been an outbreak of a disease he was researching, and that he had been infected. This notice told them to expect him to work for home for a while until he could either cure himself... or he perished.

As all this was happening, a predetermined message was sent to all large news stations, along with a video to be played with the morning news. This was to ensure a lack of public panic when he disappeared, seemingly out of nowhere. It told them a bald-faced lie; according to this message, he was conducting sensitive work and could not be disturbed.

As Miyuki tried to get in a quick workout, alarms began blaring throughout the base. These weren't the usual alarms. These were the alarms for if the base had been fully compromised. Fully ready to kill someone, Miyuki ran to the front door, almost forgetting to turn on her disguise.

Slamming open her door and running to where a strange material formed out of the ground, she watched as the translucent bubble enveloped her house, along with the Membrane house next door. Alarms and sirens emerged from the roof of the Membrane house, and banners bearing biohazard symbols unfurled on the exterior of the bubble.

"Well, this can't be good. This really can't be good," Miyuki murmured under her breath. Looking over to the Membrane household, she decided to go see if they knew what was going on. First, however...

Turning around, Miyuki saw Zim standing in the doorway. He was crying, she could tell. Even if he was trying to hide it. She walked over to him and sat criss-cross in front of Zim. Grabbing him by the shoulders, she began to speak.

"Zim. It will be okay. I don't know what's going on, but if our position is compromised, we can just go back to Irk. I'm sure we've got something that could blast us out of here." She tried to put on a brave face, but if Membrane's weaponry was half as good as Earth seemed to think it was, she was doomed. She could only hope they weren't compromised.

As Zim stopped crying, Miyuki swung him around onto her back and marched over to the Membrane household. She set her disguise another couple inches in height and gathered up every bit of intimidating aura she could muster.

Knocking on the door, Miyuki's expression lightened from pure rage to concern when she saw Dib was just as scared as Zim had been. From what she could gather between his tears, this was some sort of quarantine procedure. Professor Membrane had been coughing at dinner and had coughed something up. Apparently, it was when this happened that he ran to his lab and initiated lockdown procedures.

Putting Zim down, Miyuki followed Dib through the house to Membrane's lab. Walking down the long, twisting staircase, Miyuki was strangely comforted. At first, she wondered why, but then she realized it reminded her of the Massive. The cool, metal walls, the tubes and wiring at the ceiling, and the overall mechanical feel made Miyuki feel right at home.

When they got to the lab, they found Membrane harriedly running around, somehow managing to look at fifteen different analysis devices at once. Wordlessly, Miyuki walked up to him and grabbed him by the shoulder. She briefly considered revealing herself and telling him the whole truth, but quickly discarded the idea. Instead, she looked him in the eyes and began to help him work.

Meanwhile, Gaz was up in her bedroom punching a wall. Of course aliens have a cringe anime illness. Why wouldn't they?


	4. Fess Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can't say anything or I'll spoil it all

That Night

Dib found himself standing on a platform, in a strange red ship. In front of him was an array of holo-screens, and behind them, a huge window. It was what he saw in that window that captured his attention. A planet, surrounded by Irken ships. Its oceans ran lavender instead of Earth's blue, and its continents were entirely different. He didn't recognize any of the constellations, either. He must be looking at an alien planet.

Dib had no idea how he'd gotten here. One of the screens in front of him began to flicker, and he could almost make out a face in it before he bolted upright in bed. He must have been dreaming. What a weird dream.

Dib looked around his room, making note of all the tiny details to ensure he wasn't still dreaming. When he looked at the clock, he realized it was midnight. Sighing, he got out of bed and stretched. Since he was up, he might as well go fiddle with Tak's ship.

When he stepped outside, he was surprised to see Miss Miyuki sitting on the roof of Zim's house. Well, since she'd adopted Zim and moved there, he guessed it was her house now. That probably infuriated the space roach.

Well, it wasn't his business to pry at the moment, so he set off towards the shed. Ever since the Florpus incident, he just hadn't been able to get Tak's ship working. 

Miyuki was gazing up at the stars when she noticed a light come on in the Membrane household. She was surprised when Dib stepped out the front door a few moments later. Wondering what he was up to, she watched him walk over to the shed behind his house and open the door. Inside, she could just barely make out an old Voot cruiser, in a horrendous state of disrepair.

Before she could look closer, Dib shut the door behind him. Well, this just wouldn't do. Miyuki jumped off the roof and stepped lightly over to Dib's shed. Knocking on the door, Miyuki heard a loud clatter, the sound of something being dropped, and of Dib running towards the door.

She smiled at Dib warmly as he opened the door just a crack. She mentally chided herself when she saw a look of confusion on his face. *, Of course,* most humans wouldn't be able to get down off the roof that fast, she should have taken her time. 

"Hello, Dib. I saw you run in here and was wondering why you were up. Surely it's past your bedtime?" asked Miyuki, knowing the answer perfectly well. Why, for Irk's sake, was this smeet up and about? She was fine because she was an Irken, but humans needed daily sleep to maintain full-functioning capacity!

"Oh. Hi, Miss Miyuki. I had a bad dream, so I thought I'd come work on Ta- work on one of my projects. It broke a while back, and I'm trying to get it running again," explained Dib, carefully skirting around the issue of bedtimes.

"Well, might I be of assistance? The quicker you finish the quicker you'll be back in bed," Miyuki replied, knowing that if Dib was anything like his father, he wouldn't sleep when there was work to be done. She'd had to drug the man, just to get him to sleep! By the control brains, Membrane was frustrating at times.

From what Miyuki could gather, Dib was extremely hesitant to let her in. Taking the initiative, she simply opened the door fully and stepped inside.

Looking at the mangled mass of scrap in front of her, Miyuki realized she was in for a long night of work. It would be over quicker if she could use her Pak, but with Dib in the room that wasn't an option. 

Stepping over to it, she could just make out an inscription in Irken. "Tak." They must have been the previous owner of this Voot. She was just beginning to take note of what was the matter when the personality program flickered to life. As soon as it saw Dib, the ship began blaring incredibly annoying music. Dib sighed and grabbed a pair of noise-canceling headphones. Miyuki was simply glad her antennae were covered.

Walking to the microphone in the headrest of the pilot's seat, Miyuki quietly threatened the ship in Irken. Nothing much, just something along the lines of having its personality drives uploaded into the sewage cleaning bots on Irk.

As soon as she finished speaking, the ship went quiet. It even opened its maintenance hatch, showing its full interior workings. Dib stepped back as if fearing retribution from the ship, but eagerly ran forwards once it was evident no such horror awaited him.

"I don't know what you did, Miss Miyuki, but this is amazing! I've never managed to expose its inner works before. I've only been able to tinker with the control panels and the engines," Dib gushed, staring at the bountiful array of Irken tech like he'd just hit the motherlode.

Miyuki mumbled something resembling an acknowledgment of Dib's thanks, before groaning internally. Every single thing in there was damaged beyond repair, except for the personality drives and the temperature regulators.

Sighing, Miyuki set to work on what she could. After Dib went to sleep, she'd need to come back with replacement parts. Dib eagerly helped her, not thinking to wonder why she was so familiar with Irken tech. As she worked, Miyuki actually enjoyed listening to him ramble on about what he thought of the Irken race. She had to hold back laughter on several occasions when his preconceived notions were so far out of the left-field they made no sense. Apparently, he thought snacks were the only things Irkens could eat. And that the only Irken eye color was red. Also, he thought Irken Voots could destroy planets with a single blast. 

If that was the case, why would the Resisty still be a problem? It was ridiculous. 

Smiling, Miyuki told him she'd done about all she could for the night, and that she was getting tired. She even faked a yawn, which she thought was a nice touch. In reality, she wanted Dib to go to sleep. When she didn't get a response, Miyuki looked over at Dib.

He was curled up asleep in the cockpit of the Voot. He had his head resting on an armrest, and one arm hanging off to the side.

Chuckling, Miyuki scooped Dib up in her arms and walked to Membrane's front door. She tried the handle, but it was locked. 

Dib was sleeping lightly and had realized Miss Miyuki had scooped him up. His eyes stayed closed, but he snuggled deeper into Miyuki's arms. He stirred slightly after he heard the sound of a locked door handle jiggling, and a bit more when he felt a sudden increase in height. 

His eyes cracked open when he felt himself moving diagonally up, almost as if Miyuki were scaling a wall. looking up, he didn't see Miyuki. It was that really tall Irken he saw at Costco! But how?

He knew he must be dreaming when the Irken scrambled the rest of the way to his window and jimmied the lock. Why would an Irken want to get into his house?

Miyuki looked the house up and down and realized there was only one thing for it. She would have to turn off her disguise and use her Pak legs to scale the wall. She would just have to hope that Dib wouldn't wake up.

When Dib stirred while she was halfway up the wall, Miyuki looked down at him and saw a look of pure confusion on his face. Rushing the rest of the way up the wall, she jimmied the lock to Dib's window and let herself inside. Gently placing Dib on his bed, she stepped back and sat in the air using her Pak's legs.

"I can explain."

Miyuki knew she had messed up as soon as Dib's look of confusion turned to one of abject horror. He scrambled upright and squished himself against the wall, looking like he was trying to use his blankets as a shield.

"I'm not dreaming, am I?" he asked, his voice cracking as he did. Miyuki could see a look of utter betrayal run across his face, quickly replaced by utter disappointment. 

"No, you're not. But I'm not here to invade Earth, I prom-" Miyuki tried to explain herself, but Dib cut her off.

"How can I believe you? The entire time I've known you has been a lie. You're just another piece of Irken scum. Just like Zim. And here I was thinking that- thinking that-" Dib tried to speak, but was cut off by his own tears. Miyuki could feel her emotional core breaking for him. She realized he must have hoped he could use her as some sort of... replacement maternal figure.

Reaching out to hug him, Miyuki was batted away. Looking down at her hands, she realized she still had her disguise disabled. Typing in a quick command on her gauntlet, it was re-enabled. 

"Do you really think that will help? Please, just... either explain yourself or leave. Preferably the latter," whispered Dib, as he rubbed his eyes. 

Miyuki explained to Dib everything. She told him about the energy beast, and how she'd been thrown forward in time. She spoke of how Zim had brought her to Earth and chuckled about how panicked she'd been when Dib had seen her undisguised at Costco.

"So that was you!" cried Dib, pointing his finger at Miyuki much like how he would do to Zim whenever he uncovered a particularly heinous plot. He leaped to his feet, barely keeping his balance on the soft footing of his bed. He launched himself at Miyuki and began wailing away at her with his fists. She just sat there, and let him tire himself out.

As he slowed down in his punches and kicks, Miyuki continued. She talked about how her emotional inhibitors in her Pak had been damaged, and about how she'd fallen in love with Membrane. She didn't even realize it until she spoke it aloud, but as soon as she did it made all the sense in the world.

"You're... Lying... Space... Cockroach," mumbled Dib, before he passed out. Miyuki wasn't surprised when he did; she could see the first salmon-tinted light peeking over the horizon. Of course, it was dulled by the quarantine bubble, but still. Tucking Dib into bed, Miyuki let herself out his window, tears streaking her face. She was so caught up in her thoughts, she forgot to disable her disguise and faceplanted on the ground thirty feet down.

"I deserved that," Miyuki groaned, before picking herself up off the ground and limping home.

The next morning, Miyuki was sitting on the couch playing with Gir when there was a knock on the door. Shaking Gir off one of her Pak's legs and answering the door, she let Dib run inside. 

"I expected you'd be coming over," she sighed, walking over to Gir and prying him off a ceiling fan. 

"Dad said to invite you over for breakfast, alien scum," growled Dib. Miyuki thought once again that he'd make a great invader. She re-engaged her disguise and went to fetch Zim.

"Tell him we'll be right over, I just need to get Zim."

"Sure, space-roach."

"Dib, I'm sorry. I- I'm not here to invade."

"Oh really? What are you then, if not an invader? Some sort of interstellar babysitter?" asked Dib, stalking back over to the door.

"She's da Tallest! Wheee!" screamed Gir, as he jumped onto Dib's head and began yanking at his hair scythe like it was the reigns of a horse.

Miyuki watched as all color drained from Dib's face. She stared, feeling helpless, as he turned and ran.

A few minutes later

Professor Membrane watched as his son ran past. He stared down the hallway as Dib passed his bedroom and instead went into the lab. He raised an eyebrow when Dib walked by again, plasma gun in hand.

"And what do you plan to do with that?" asked Membrane, gesturing at the plasma gun. Honestly, sometimes his son could really exasperate him.

"Alien space dictator."

"What? Dib, I thought we talked about this. If you want to use weaponry in your fights with Zim, you have to use real science on your own and make them yourself. That was our compromise, remember?" Membrane said sternly.

He watched as Dib threw his hands up in the air, turned around, and put the plasma gun back in the lab. Membrane pointed at a chair, motioning for Dib to sit and wait for their guests to arrive.

A short minute after Dib took his seat, the doorbell rang. The professor got up and let Miyuki and Zim inside. He was worried when he saw Miyuki's eyes were red and puffy and voiced his concern that it might be a new symptom. She assured him she had just been crying. Like that made him feel any better.

As they sat down, Miyuki slumped in her seat. When the food was served, she didn't show any appetite. She just moved the waffles around with her fork. during the meal, both she and Membrane would take turns excusing themselves, and then coughing would be heard from the bathroom.

"Will you two just go on a date already?" groaned Gaz, as Membrane coughed up an entire bouquet, ribbon and all.

Membrane looked up sharply, and then over at Miyuki. When their eyes met, both of them looked off to the side and blushed furiously. 

"Now, Gaz. That would be entirely unprofessional," chastised Membrane. Gaz excused herself to the bathroom. From the bathroom, the sound of a forehead slamming repeatedly into a wall could be heard.

A few days later

Professor Membrane sat on his bed, completely surrounded by a variety of lowers. He'd gone to sleep with a single rose on his bedside table (thorns, ouch) and had woken up feeling like he was in a flower shop.

This was getting ridiculous. And at this point, the only option, no matter how improbable, is the only one possible. He'd just have to work up the nerve and see if it helped.

A few hours later

Miyuki was trying to burn the massive amounts of flowers that had accumulated in the living room when she heard a knock on the door. When she opened it, there stood Membrane. His usual white lab coat was replaced with a black one, and his collar was lower. She has a bit of a start when she realized his entire lower jaw was prosthetic and rather skeletal looking. She had even more of a start when he handed her a box shaped like an anatomically correct human heart.

Opening it, she saw it was full of chocolate. She could feel her face warming up and knew she was blushing.

"M-Miss Miyuki. When d-doing, ahhh, scientific research, it is possible to come to a scenario in which all likely hypothesize have been disproven. At this point, whatever is left has to be researched. As such, I am doing as my children have recommended and. Uh," Membrane just couldn't say it. He was too flustered. What would everyone at the office say when he got back? This was so embarrassing.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is... you cause an increase in oxytocin and vasopressin in my brain. I.. uhh," Yes! That was it! He'd speak purely in scientific terms so he could get through this without his brain frying.

"Oh, we've both been idiots, haven't we," said Miyuki, "I like you too."

As she spoke, all the flowers in both of their houses shimmered. All of a sudden, there was a multicolored puff of smoke and all the flowers disappeared. Even the bits of stem poking through their skin disappeared, leaving behind only papercut-sized wounds.

Forgetting herself for a minute, Miyuki crouched down, picked Membrane up by the waist, and spun him around. All her chocolates went flying, but she didn't care. This was the happiest she'd been in... Well, ever.

She couldn't help it; she was just so happy. Putting Membrane down, she could tell just how stupid the big, shit-eating grin on her face looked. But she didn't care.

Peeking around the corner, Dib couldn't believe what he was seeing. His dad had just given chocolates to that alien scum! She'd tricked his father!

"Don't worry, Dad! I'll save you from her alien brainwashing!" shouted Dib, jumping around the corner, shotgun in hand. He'd have to act fast. This alien cockroach had already almost brainwashed him in the past, and he could still feel the lingering effects deep in his heart.

Steady... Aim...

*SMACK*

Dib started in surprise, looking down at where the shotgun lay in the grass. Right by it was a GameSlave, with a cracked screen.

Dib looked up and saw Gaz dangling out of a window.

"Gaz! You've doomed the hu-" Dib was cut off by his dad smacking him upside the head. What with Membrane's metal arms, that really hurt. Looking up, he could see his father was in full "Scary Mode." He hadn't seen him this mad since he blasted the Membots when Zim opened the florpus hole.

"Son. I know I promised to not send you to the Crazy House For Boys anymore for your alien... obsession, but at this point you've. almost. KILLED. SOMEONE!" Membrane shouted, getting more incensed by the second. He likely would have gone on with his threat and carried through if Miyuki hadn't stopped him.

"I'm sorry, but I can't help but feel partially responsible. He's gone his whole life with such a small, tight-knit family group. He must feel like I'm encroaching on his space, and rationalized it the only way he knew how."

Instead of shipping his son off to the asylum, Membrane marched into the house and slammed the door behind. A few moments later, Dib's window opened. Out flew his ray gun, his electric sword, and his stakes. Out flew a chainsaw, several knives, and a cleaver. Out flew every possible thing that could be used as a weapon. Then, Membrane stepped out onto the roof and affixed something either side of his son's window.

As soon as the final screw was in place, Membrane pressed a button, and the strange fixtures started to glow. Electricity began to arc between them.

Coming down off the roof using his rocket boots, Membrane walked into the shed and emerged with a roll of bubble wrap. He marched back inside to Dib's room and proceeded to bubble-wrap *everything.*

He then looked in his son's closet and pulled out his laptop. Using his security bypass codes, he logged on and deleted his son's TTruthshrieker account, and sent a formal parental e-mail of complaint to the "Swollen Eyeballs." All of these were replaced with scientific study forums.

Going back to Dib's closet, Membrane put in a Dib-sized lab coat for every black trench coat in there. His son could still wear his normal clothes, but the lab coats would be there, as a reminder.

HE then opened Dib's desk drawer and pulled out his son's gallon jugs of holy water. All those got dumped down the sink.

Every bit of alien or paranormal paraphernalia had a scientific poster or figurine placed next to it. Membrane then went to his room, flopped onto his bed, and screamed into his pillow. Gaz watched it all.

Only once the Membrane was done rigging Dib's room for punishment did Gaz start. Dib's alarm clock? Set one hour behind.

Dib's toothbrush? Huh. There seemed to be soap rubbed into it. Dib's laptop? Weird. The exterior seemed to have turned bright pink.

Gaz spent about an hour rigging everything her brother owned to make his life miserable. When she was done, and only then, she stomped outside, picked up her GameSlave out of the grass, and punched Dib in the throat.

"That's for almost killing mom."

Dib tried to talk some sense into Gaz, but she wouldn't listen. Every time he tried, she shut him down with evidence that Miyuki, Irken though she might be, had never been anything but nice to them. But that couldn't be. It couldn't! That would mean.

That would mean he'd almost killed an innocent.

Looking over at Miyuki, he saw that she was curled up in a fetal position on the ground, tears streaming down her face. That was what broke him. That was what shattered Dib into a million pieces. That was what broke him. What took him mentally back to the Zimvoid. To Zib. That was when he realized what he'd almost become.

He ran over to Miyuki, having to duck under Gaz's arms. He ran to Miyuki and fell to the ground beside her. He tried to hug her, but this close, he could hear what she was saying.

"Please. No. Not again. I don't want to die again," over and over. Over and over and over. Rapidly. 

"Miss Miyuki. I-" Dib's voice broke, and he just leaned over Miyuki and started to cry. 

Before a tear could touch her, he felt claws raking his back, tearing flesh and muscle.

"Dib-Worm! You dare harm an Almighty Tallest! You h-Hurt Mi-" Zim couldn't speak over the tears streaking his face. He choked as he tore Dib's jacket off, and bunched it into a ball. He put this under Miyuki's head, and held her hands, rocking back and forth with his knees to his chest.


	5. Dibromide is long for Dib

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dib is broken

One hour later.

Membrane's throat was getting sore, but he kept screaming. It was the only way he knew to express everything he was feeling right now, and his pillow was an excellent muffler. 

He was elated. Miyuki had accepted his confession. He could see a bright and happy future ahead of them, and he felt sure their wedding- if they had one- would be a sight to see.

He felt tired. He was recuperating from a strange illness, after all. He might have even given his son's paranormal theories some thought if not for what Dib had just done. 

He felt furious. Right after Membrane had confessed his feelings, right after Membrane had expressed that he had felt romantic feelings for someone for the first time in his life, *Dib tried to shoot the woman.* He didn't care how threatened Dib felt by someone new "encroaching on the family unit," there was no excuse for attempted murder.

He felt scared. What if Miyuki left him, right after they got together? They hadn't even had their first date.

Eventually, Membrane's voice gave out. For a moment, he just lay there. After a few minutes rest, he stood up and left his room. There was Dib, cocooned in his blankets, all his alien-related posters in shreds at his feet. If he'd been capable of it at that moment, Membrane would have pitied the boy.

But he wasn't. Not right now.

There was Gaz. Tapping away at her GameSlave. However, she seemed to be pressing the buttons harder, and she had the volume up so high he could hear it, even though she had headphones in. 

And there was his teapot. Pouring himself a cup of jasmine tea, Membrane sat down at the table and put his head in his hands. What was he going to do?

Looking into the living room, he saw Miyuki. She had a blanket around her shoulders and was hunched over. She looked like a corpse. Her hair hung limply, her skin was pale, and she had a thousand-yard stare. Zim sat next to her, Gir in his lap.

Zim looked up at him, and they made eye contact for a moment. It was the first time Professor Membrane had seen the little green child crying. *why Dib? Why did you do this?* he thought, before turning back to his tea.

Several Hours Later

Miyuki answered a knocking at the door, not even bothering to disguise herself. Looking down, she saw Dib.

"I know there's no way for words to fix this. I have to use action," said Dib, looking at her, but seeming to stare through her.

"That's why I'm doing this," he said, kneeling before Miyuki.

"I, dib membrane, doth humbly gage mine own allegiance to the almighty tallest Miyuki, and to the Empire of Irk f'r as longeth as the lady may liveth. 

I, dib membrane, doth humbly gage to s'rve the empire with mine own life. Nay matt'r the did cost" As he finished speaking, Dib looked up at Miyuki, his eyes looking dead.

"Ha-Ha! Victory for ZIIIIIM!" cried Zim, running outside to dance around Dib. When Dib barely reacted, he slowed down. 

Dib stood up, turned around, and walked back to his house. On the way, he glared at Zim and kicked him in the shins.

"Oh that poor boy," breathed Miyuki, watching Dib go. She wanted to stop him, make him revoke his oath, but she knew he'd refuse. He really saw this as the only way.

The Next Day

When Dib came to breakfast wearing a lab coat, Membrane was surprised. He hadn't expected Dib to take things this hard. When Dib said he wanted to go to work with Membrane that day, he spat out his tea.

"S-SOn, are you sure?" asked Membrane, pinching himself to make sure he wasn't still asleep.

"Dad, my paranormal investigation stuff almost caused me to kill an innocent. I'm done," said Dib, furrowing his eyebrows.

Membrane made sure to temper his excitement. He was worried about his son. Still, if he was finally getting into real science... Membrane wasn't going to complain.

After a while, Membrane got up to head to work. He was still half surprised to see Dib get up with him, and follow him out the door. 

This would take some getting used to.

When they got to the lab, the security guards at the door at first only noticed Membrane. They greeted him with "glad you're back"s and other such pleasantries.

Membrane could tell when they noticed Dib. At first, they just stood there, jaws agape. They quickly regained their composure and didn't even comment on Dib's attire. This surprised the professor, for even when Dib had temporarily given up the paranormal a few years ago, he had still worn his signature black trenchcoats. Now, though, he was wearing a light blue lab coat, with a navy interior. His sleeves were a bit too long, so Dib had them rolled up a tad.

As Membrane walked to his office, he watched as everyone's expressions turned from excitement to have him back at work to confusion when they saw Dib trailing behind.

Looking over his shoulder and back at Dib, Membrane could see that his son was hunched into himself. Dib was a shadow of the child he had been only a week prior. Membrane kept expecting him to run off in pursuit of a ghost or some other such nonsense, but he never did. In fact, he seemed to actively shrink back from any sort of experimental weaponry.

The only thing to show Dib's former interests was a lone keychain dangling from his pocket with a cartoon ghost at the end. This keychain used to have two decorations; the ghost and a flying saucer. 

As he and his son entered his office, Professor Membrane turned around to face Dib.

"I never thought I'd be saying this, but... Dib, are you sure you want to work here?" he asked, genuinely worried for his son.

"Dad. Please, can we just get to- to work?" whispered Dib, seeming to choke on his own words. Membrane stood quietly for a moment, before nodding his assent. 

"I've got an opening in the aerospace department if you'd like. I'm not sure you would, though. You'd be working directly under Miss Miyuki," muttered Membrane, rethinking his words as soon as he said them.

"N-no. That's perfect. It would give me a chance to..." Dib trailed off, seeming lost in his own head. Membrane was glad that between his goggles and his high collar, his face wasn't visible. He was sure he had tears going down his cheeks. He could hardly recognize his own son.

This time the day before, Dib would have been ranting and raving about something or other. However, looking back, Membrane could tell this had been building for a while. Yesterday's... events, they merely broke the dam. Dib's rants had been getting progressively more violent for ages now. He'd been too blind to see it.

Membrane grabbed an empty nametag from his drawer and handed it to Dib. His throat felt like it closed in on itself when Dib wrote "Dibromide".

Membrane could see his son slowly killing himself, closing off every aspect of who he used to be. But what could he do? There was no formula for this, nor a scientific theorem. There were no parameters for this mad, mad experiment called life.

Later that day

Membrane was in his private lab working on analyzing Miyuki's DNA to see why it wasn't strictly human when he heard an alert telling him there was someone at the door. Gently setting his equipment to stasis, Membrane typed in a command allowing the door to open. If it was someone with hostile intent, they'd have already been detained.

"Professor! I just wanted to say that Dibromide has been doing excellent work! Just today he's proposed a possible way of smelting a Damascean Steel to work in substitute for some of the metals for the Dyson Sphere project. He plans on harvesting Dark Matter, and using quantum distortion at an Event Horizon to convert them to physical atoms! I don't know how he managed to work out this theory in a single day," gushed the researcher. Membrane made note of the progress, but couldn't be happy. Dib was so heavily disassociating himself from his own life that he was going by his full name.

"Yes. That's great. If you wouldn't mind, could you send him over here? Tell him his father wants him to explain his theories," said Membrane, carefully keeping his tone light.

"His fath- Wait, *that's DIB?!*" cried the researcher, looking embarrassed.

"Of course he is! How many people do you know named Dibromide?' asked Membrane, trying his best not to sound bitter.

"I... Uh, well, he's just so different than how he usually is, I didn't even make the connection. He's not even wearing similar clothes!"

"Just. Get. Out. And tell my son to come here, when it is convenient."

That Night, at Dinner

"Miss Miyuki wasn't at work today," remarked Dibromide, as he stared at his plate. It was odd, how his slice of bread seemed to have wet spots appearing on it. He'd have to analyze it after dinner.

"Well, that's to be expected, isn't it. *Dib*," growled Gaz, looking up from her GameSlave.

Dibromide didn't respond. Why would he? It was irrelevant. Most things were. Ghosts. Vampire Bees. Dib. Most things were irrelevant, these days.

All that mattered was that he never harmed another innocent. He, Dibromide Membrane, would never have more blood on his hands. He could feel his heart beating faster as he thought of all the lives he had ended. The Bigfeets. The Vampire Bees. All the paranormal denizens of this world and he had lowered their populations by a quantifiable percentage.

Several times today he'd thought of the one thing he could to... not to atone, nothing could atone for what he had done, but to make sure it never happened again. 

Dibromide slid his sleeves even lower over his hands. He couldn't bear to look at them. No matter how hard he scrubbed, no matter what chemicals he poured on them, they stayed red. They stayed wet.

He'd even tried his namesakes, the Dibromideian Chemicals. Now his hands just hurt. He'd tried wearing gloves, but the latex just felt like it ballooned, like it was a water balloon.

As Professor Membrane looked at his son, he saw Dib's hands. They were red and flaking.

"Dib, come here and let me see your hands. They look burnt. Was there an accident at the labs today? I know that inducing artificial event horizons is da-" Membrane was cut off.

As Dib spoke, Membrane just felt worse. "There was no accident, Dad. I'm fine." How could Dib say that when Membrane could clearly see it was a lie?

Dibromide couldn't understand how his father could see the skin of his hands past all the blood dripping from them. Not wanting to deal with it, he unrolled his sleeves all the way. They were so long they folded over his hands completely, which was genuinely amazing.

For the first time all day, he felt like he could breathe. He was free of the constant dripping, and from the garish red that would torment him whenever he had to do precision work.

Reaching forward, Dibromide grabbed another serving of mashed potatoes, as well as some sausage. He'd need to keep his strength up, as much as he didn't want to.

Later that night

As Dibromide sat in his room, he looked over at his laptop. Sighing, he walked over to it. As soon as he'd opened it, he was plagued by messages from the Swollen Eyeballs, each one proposing a more insane theory as to why he'd been offline all day.

Gritting his teeth, Dibromide hit delete all. With his screen clear, he set to work.

Typing away, Dibromide was glad for all his experience hacking Zim's base. Compared to that, the Swollen Eyeball network was child's play. Literally.

Ignoring the red of his hands, Dibromide began to grin. For the first time all day, he showed emotion on his face. Sure, if someone had seen him, they'd have thought him insane. But what did they know?

When he breached the final firewall, he rocked back in his chair, running one hand through his hair. He let out a cackle and set to his real work of the night. He gathered every bit of information he could. Every time one of the Swollen Eyeball leaders had threatened a member, every death, every case of animal abuse. Laughing madly to himself, Dibromide gathered it all into one folder.

These idiots. They kept records of their misdeeds. Well-documented cases. It was more akin to a game than any real challenge. He was surprised no one had done this before.

After everything was compiled, Dibromide sent it to the police. Once he clicked send, he added a single file to the Network, deleted his account, and blocked the site on his computer.

He could barely contain his manic joy at the thought of what would happen next. In the morning, when everyone logged on, a message would display in Irken. Nothing special, it was just a warning about what he'd sent to the police.

The part that made him laugh was thinking how they'd drive themselves mad trying to decipher it. By the time they had, it'd be too late.

At breakfast the next morning, Membrane was relieved to see Dib smiling. Sure, it was a bit too wide, but who cared? His boy was smiling again.

On the way to work that day, Membrane made an effort to talk to Dib. He was given a bit of pause when he heard what Dib had been up to the night before. However, he quickly shrugged it off and asked Dib about what he was planning to do that day. 

Membrane smiled when he heard that the Dyson Sphere team was going to be working on scaled models starting today. With as much as Dib was contributing to this project, maybe the next time there was a "Membrane discovers such-and0such" headline, it would read "Dib Membrane" instead of "Professor Membrane."

As Dib and Membrane walked to the labs, Miyuki sat in her room. She'd been there for the past two days, and Zim was starting to worry. 

"Miss Miyuki, please. Come on out," said Zim, for once not shouting. Sure, she would be physically fine, but it was Miyuki's mental health that worried Zim.

When Miyuki didn't respond, Zim walked into her room. He sat next to her and saw that she was still laying with Dib's trench coat under her head. 

"My Tallest, please. Tall-. Tallers Red and Purple want to speak with you."

When Zim mentioned Red and Purple, Miyuki sat up. Zim actually stepped back in fear as he watched her face twist in rage.

"It's because of those two. If they weren't power-hungry smeets!" screamed Miyuki, as she tore out of her chambers like a bat out of hell. As she passed the transmission screen, she typed in a command on her gauntlet, and the impostor Tallests froze in place. Their eyes could still move, and they stared at each other.

Reaching her Voot, Miyuki jumped inside. As Tallest, she was privileged to some tech the average Irken was not. For example, relativity drives. She'd have to take a different Voot back, as this one would be run dry, but she didn't care. She wanted to get to the Massive as quickly as possible.

As she left Earth's atmosphere, she sent Membrane a message telling him she was going on a business trip and asking him to have Zim stay over at his house for about a week. Miyuki then engaged he relativistic drives, and off she went.

When she would arrive at Irk, she'd remember she had left Red and Purple frozen and would smile.

*As Miyuki left Earth's atmosphere*

As Membrane was working hard on a universal translator, he received an alert on his pad. Setting the unfinished machine down gently, he checked his pad. 

Seeing that Miyuki had gone on a business trip, Membrane realized this was probably what she needed. A quick jaunt around the world, getting out of the city for a week.

It probably wasn't good for Dib, however.

Success! The scale model of the Dyson Sphere was fully functional. Now Dibromide just had to figure out the logistics of building a full-sized sphere. A scan of Mercury had shown it to be full of materials needed for the centralized collectors, he would likely need to harvest a bit from Venus as well. What a pain.

Dibromide was just about to send Miyuki a materials request when he received a notification that his father wished to speak to him. Odd.

Ah well. On the way he'd be passing the bathrooms, so he'd have an excuse to wash his hands.

As Dibromide walked down the hall, his gaze lingered out the window. How easy it would be to slip out for a break on the balcony. From there, how easy it would be to slip in general.

But now wasn't the time for that. Maybe after his Dyson Sphere was done. As Dibromide neared his father's personal lab, an eager assistant ran in. Dibromide stopped just outside the door, feeling like he should hear whatever was about to be said.

"Professor! Professor! We got the PEG up and running! The world energy crisis is solved!"

What.

Nonononno. This couldn't be. The world energy crisis was his only chance to fix something big enough to fix what he'd done. Foodios had already solved world hunger, nobody wanted to piss off his father, so there went war. All that was left was energy, at least on a global scale. Sure, there were still some violent factions in the world, and some groups who refused Foodio technology, but there was nothing to be done about them.

Now, there was nothing to be done, period.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dib yeets himself off a building

As the assistant stepped out of Professor Membrane's private lab, he saw Dib. Or rather, Dibromide. Ah, well. You could still dig up some old science articles from the beginning of his career where Professor Professor Membrane (what a dumb name) went by Fess. 

what was the saying? Great minds think alike, but fools rarely differ? Logically, when two people are both fools and great minds at once, they would have even more in common.

As the assistant stared at him, Dibromide could feel the judgment in his gaze. Brushing past him, Dibromide continued into his father's lab. Maybe... Maybe the Dyson Sphere wasn't canceled.

That was it! Maybe the Dyson Sphere would be an integral part of the PEG! If that was the case... Well, it had to be. Of course it would be.

As Dibromide entered his father's lab, he expected to hear about how he needed to speed up production on the Sphere. He hoped against hope that he'd hear that it wouldn't be disbanded.

Of course, he didn't hear that it would be disbanded. What he heard was almost worse. Miyuki was gone.

Oh, sure, she'd told his father that she'd only be gone a few days, but she must have heard that the PEG was working. She must have realized he was of no more use to her. After what he had done, why would she stay?

His father had almost found love, had almost found happiness, and because of his stupid mistakes, it would all be ripped away. Why was he like this? Why did he destroy everything he touched?

It felt like his legs gave up on him. Why shouldn't they? He'd given up on himself. He could feel himself falling to the ground, but the world seemed to fade to black before he could see everything rushing past.

As his son fell unconscious, Professor Membrane rushed forwards. He'd heard of this but had been fortunate enough never to see it with his own eyes. His son had just fainted from emotional overload. Why? He'd simply told him that Miyuki had gone on a short trip.

Grabbing Dib into his arms, Membrane rushed to the medical wing. His son's head lolled back and forth with his strides, and he could *feel* Dib's heart beating slower and slower.

At this rate, he'd never make it in time. Activating his rocket boots, Membrane flew through the window and reentered five stories down. Running through the doors into the medical wing, the professor whipped his head around, saw an empty room, and took Dib there.

Checking Dib's pulse, Membrane couldn't feel anything except a faint flutter. His son's breath came only in whispers. Grabbing a heart rate monitor, he began to ready for what he needed to do. As Membrane charged up the inbuilt defibrillators in his prosthetics, he could have sworn he heard Dib say, "Just let me go."

But that was impossible. His son's indomitable will was such an integral part of his character. Dib would never submit to death so easily.

"Charging... Charging... CLEAR!" Membrane pushed the charged defibrillators against his son's chest. Dib's body jolted into the air but fell back against the bed.

"Charging... Charging... CLEAR!" 

As Dib's frame shook this time, the heart rate monitor read as a regular rhythm. Falling to his knees, Membrane cried over his son.

Gaz was sitting at home when she got the call. When she heard she needed to get to the medical wing of the lab, she jumped off the couch. When she heard it was for Dib, she seriously considered sitting back down.

Ah, well. He'd been considerably less... murder-y the last few days, she might as well go. Walking out the front door, Gaz went to the garage and grabbed her Vespa. Sure, she was too young to drive it, but she didn't care.

On the way to the lab, Gaz wondered why she'd been called to the lab. There had been no multiple-megaton explosions, so it couldn't be too serious.

Arriving, Gaz was surprised to find a horde of press members at the doors, being kept at bay by security. Pushing her way through, Gaz ducked under the barrier and walked inside. Maybe it was more serious than she thought.

Everyone she passed either looked away or stared at her. Odd. Usually, they only acted like this if her father had almost died. Entering the elevator, Gaz pulled out her GameSlave. When the doors opened on the 34th floor, she walked down the hallway with her eyes glued to the screen. 

While being led to Dib's room, she never even looked up. It wasn't until she heard her father crying that she looked up.

What she saw didn't even faze her. Dib was lying in a hospital bed unconscious, an IV in one arm, and a heart rate monitor on the other. He had no burns, nor was he missing any limbs. Why was she even here?

Sighing, she walked over to her father.

"Why am I here? He doesn't look dead," said Gaz, looking back at her game.

"Gaz! Show some compassion. Your brother is ill. He nearly- He nearly-..." Membrane trailed off, drumming his fingers against the arm of his chair.

"Compassion? And I suppose you'd be the expert in that area, huh, Dad?" asked Gaz. How dare he speak to her of compassion. After she and Dib had been his personal little guinea pigs for so long. Sometimes she was glad those sharks had ripped his arms off. At least after that, he'd grown a conscience. 

Professor Membrane held his daughter's gaze for only a moment before looking away. She was right. Until recently, he'd been awful to them. But he was trying... Wait.

He'd been such an idiot. Dib's sudden interest in real science, his wardrobe change, his absolute rejection of who he was. It all came after he nearly killed Miyuki. Membrane had thought it was a normal reaction, but...

His son had inflated his own sense of self-worth with that "protector of Earth" nonsense so much, that when it popped, there was nothing left. Membrane realized he'd been a fool not to see it, a damn fool.

Holding his head in his hands, Membrane swore to himself that once his son was back to full health, he'd have a long talk with Dib. He swore to himself that he'd do everything in his power to get Dib out of this slump.

The more he thought about it, the worse Membrane felt. Dib's obsessive washing of his hands must have been a symptom. Wait.

Walking over to his son, Membrane gingerly lifted up one of his son's arms. Rolling up the sleeves, he was horrified at what he saw.

Chemical burns. But the way the skin was burnt, in patches and scraps, all layered over one another, it didn't look accidental. It looked repeated and purposeful. The way the skin was stained different colors in different places, it looked like it was done with separate chemicals as well.

Biting his knuckles, Membrane dropped Dib's arms and backed into the wall. "How was I so blind?"

Two Days Later

As Dib floated in the soupy blackness that surrounded him, he heard a voice. It sounded like his father. His father, yelling. That was impossible, Membrane never yelled. However, shout he did.

Something about not letting the press in, something about letting Dib rest.

As Dib thought this over, he felt himself growing heavier. Then, the next thing he knew, his eyes were fluttering open. Casting his gaze around the room, Dib began to wonder where he was. At the labs, obviously. The walls were so white. Looking out the window, Dibromide saw a cloudy evening sky. He realized that while unconscious, he had called himself Dib.

Never again.

"Why am I back?" he groaned, sitting up. His hands were laid out to either side of him, covered in bandages. He had an IV in one arm.

"Dib! My boy, you're awake," cried his father, as he rushed over to Dibromide's side. "You worried me so much. I know you're probably tired, but once you're back to a hundred percent, we need to talk."

Over the next several weeks, school would start again. Thankfully, though the summer was over, Dibromide wouldn't have to go back yet. He was still on bed rest at the labs. 

Annoyingly, however, was the fact that his father meant what he said about talking to him. Despite the fact that Dibromide had refused to say anything for the first two days, he did eventually say something.

"Stop calling me Dib. Dib's dead; he died the day he tried to kill Talle- the day he tried to kill Miyuki."

Of course, Membrane had started to cry, but Dibromide didn't care. Just one more thing to add to the list of his faults. Soon, though, the list would receive its final addition.

Coward.

So why was he still hurt that Miyuki's "trip" kept getting extended? Why did every time he heard about her being away for longer, why did it break him even more?

At least with the bandages on his hands, he couldn't see the bloodstains.

Still, he had one thing to look forward to. He'd be allowed to walk around the labs soon. 

As Miyuki stood in the bridge of the Massive, she groaned.

"Tell me again why I can't just kill those two," she growled at the Smaller in front of her.

"S-Since you were g-gone for so long, and two new sets of Tallest were a-assigned, y-you'll have to face them in combat, like any other height challenger."

"Yes, but WHY IS IT BLOODY TAKING SO LONG?!" she screamed, punting a chair across the room. Just as she was about to start tearing apart the furniture, a Taller opened the door.

"Ma'am. The Challenged have accepted your challenge. The Arena is currently being prepped."

One Earth Hour Later

"Welcome one, welcome all! Today we're seeing one helluva match!" shouted Announcer Irken, revving the crowd into a frenzy.

"In this corner, we have the AAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLMIGHTYY TALLLLLLESTSSSS! The first pair of Tallests to be Tallests at the same time in AAAAAAAAALLLLLL of Irken History!"

In the corner of the arena stood Red and Purple, hovering back to back. Purple held a plasma spear that looked like it hadn't been used in years, and Red held an old, flickering plasma sword. When their hoverstrats turned out and the two were loe=wered to the ground, they could barely stand up. Red fell over completely.

The crowd went dead quiet. One particularly brave Taller started to laugh.

"AAAAAND In THIIIIS CORNER, WE'VE GOT the one, the OOONLY, MIYUKII! Scourge of the Farthest Front, Devil of the Rhint War, Slayer of The Murderous Reptilians of Planet Vooiy! The OOONLLLYYY TALLEST in all of History to fight on the front lines on-planet in a war! With thousands of kills under her belt, in hand-to-hand combat AAALOONE, I know who I've got MMMYYYYYYYYYYY Money on!"

As Announcer finished introducing her, a flash was seen up in the rafters hundreds of feet in the air. A plasma greatsword flew through the air, landing in the dead center of the arena. Before anyone could react, Miyuki backflipped and executed a perfect 54-rotation flip through the air, landing right by her blade. Picking it up with one hand showed just how massive it really was. Clocking in at six feet at length, the sword was still wielded with ease by Miyuki. She acted as if she was holding a twig.

Miyuki began to whip the sword through the air so rapidly, it became a blur. Using this, and some ballet-like moves, she spelt out "From me to you, come and take a piece" before stopping dead still on the tips of her toes, and pointed her blade at Red and Purple. Having done so, she threw the sword through the air, and it stuck into the floor at the other end of the arena.

"From the looks of things, I won't be needing that," taunted Miyuki, as she began to saunter over to the Tallests.

"Now, Tallers, Smallers, IRKENS OF AAAAAALL SIZES... LEEEEET'S GET REAAAADY TO RUH-RUH-RUUUUUUUMBLE!"

While Announcer was still speaking, Miyuki dashed forward, coming to a stop directly in front of her opponents. Only those sitting closest even saw her move. Grabbing Red off the ground by his corset, she lifted him over her head.

"Pathetic! You've sacrificed your strength for vanity? You really are a fool!" she screamed, shaking him over her head. As she said this, she removed her chestplate, revealing her ripped abs. Throwing Red to the ground, she flexed her arms, causing her gauntlets to shatter, revealing her biceps and triceps.

Across the arena, there were dozens of Irkens absolutely fangirling over Miyuki. In one corner, for example, stood two purple-eyed Irkens, holding a giant "Miyuki Is The Almighty-est!" sign over their heads. In another, a long-antennae'd pink-eyed Irken hopped up and down, absolutely screaming. Around the middle, a red-eyed soldier Irken stood on her Sir-unit's head to get a better view. 

Walking around the "Tallests", Miyuki waved to her fangirls, before picking up Red and Purple and bodily *throwing* them into the center of the ring. Ripping off one of Red's antennae, she threw it to the short, red-eyed fangirl. this fangirl quickly put it in her Pak, to be framed at a later date. Another red-eyed Irken, this one considerably taller, picked up the smaller, put her over her head and ran off, heart-shaped antenna flat against her head. 

As Red screamed, Miyuki engaged her Pak legs, not using them for mobility, but instead to juggle two oval-shaped objects. One had red circles on it, the other had purple.

Looking at what Miyuki had, the two Tallests looked in horror at each other's backs. They were empty, they decorative armor shredded in places. She had moved so fast neither had seen her rip their Paks off.

"P-Please. Please, have mercy," whimpered Purple, as Red used his spear as a crutch to stand up.

"Did you show mercy to all those Irkens you shot out of airlocks?"

Rubbing her hands together, Miyuki used her Pak legs to launch Red and Purple's Paks to opposite ends of the arena. The two purple-eyed Irkens from earlier had Red's Pak land at their feet. Smiling at each other, they began to tear it apart.

Letting out a guttural scream of rage, Red picked up the spear from its crutch position and ran at Miyuki, adrenaline pumping through his legs.

"Ha! Still got some fight in ya?" asked Miyuki, as she spun Red around by his hand and began to dance a Eugon Doma Gramafone with him. For every spin or backstep, one more of Red's hand bones would be crushed in her grasp.

Trying to rip away, Red merely encouraged Miyuki. She sped up and up until they were moving so fast they finished the twenty-minute dance in mere seconds. By the time they were done, Red's hands were paste.

Miyuki swung him out one more time, and when she pulled him back in, she used her Pak legs to launch herself into the air, much to the enjoyment of the crowd. Landing hundreds of feet up in the rafters, Miyuki waited for the camera drones to catch up before finishing Red off. As soon as they did, Miyuki grabbed Red's right elbow firmly. Yanking it forward, she shattered his upper arm. Slamming his forearm through his mouth and out the back of his head, Miyuki had one more thing to do. Ripping off his leg armor, she revealed his mummy-like, withered legs. Ripping them off, she said, "Not so tall now, eh?" Miyuki let go of Red. As he fell, time seemed to slow. All eyes were on him as he spiraled down, giving Miyuki time to slip into the shadows.

When Red hit the ground he bounced, and his arm flew out of his mouth. "Purple..."

Crawling over to Red, Purple lowered his head to hear his fellow Tallest better.

"Kill that bitch for me." 

As Red said this, Purple knew he would be unable to comply. He had seen what Miyuki could do. She was a real Tallest.

Backing away, Purple hobbled over to the middle of the ring and looked up. He would face his death with pride and dignity, befitting a leader of the Irken race. As Red let out a rattling breath, Purple could see his life clock ticking down in the corner of his vision.

"Finish me off, already!" shouted Purple, raising his arms in surrender.

"As you wish," said Miyuki, plummeting headfirst towards the purple Irken. Extending her Pak legs in front of her to form a single blade, she told him one thing before he was skewered.

"You were the more merciful of the two, and so get a more merciful death." These were the last words Purple would hear before he was skewered, and never heard anything ever again.

Like an angel of death rising from the ashes, Miyuki stood at her full height, before lifting herself using her Pak legs. With this addition, she went from her usual twelve-foot stature to around twenty. Dripping magenta blood onto the now brightly colored and muddied sand, Miyuki raised her arms in victory.

Back on Earth

Finally, Dibromide was allowed to walk around the building on his own. His first stop would be his Dad's lab.

"Hey, Dad?" said Dibromide, poking his head into his father's personal lab.

Whipping around, Membrane ran over to his son. This was the first time he had spoken in weeks.

"I... I just wanted to say I love you. No matter what, don't forget that."

"Of course, son. Why would I?"

Dibromide didn't say anything, he just let himself be held for a while, crying into his father's shoulder. When eventually something or other happened elsewhere in the building called Membrane away, Dib watched him go. He just wished the hug had lasted longer.

Sighing, Dib made his way to the decorative gardens on the roof. They truly were beautiful.

A while back, his father had discovered that certain kinds of plants released a pheromone making people more productive, so of course, he had filled the entire roof with them. Sure, it was a complete mess of clashing colors, but it was still beautiful.

Walking through the garden, Dib grabbed a fruit off one of the trees. Eating it as he walked, he thought about his life. Everything that had led him to this moment.

Striding under the arching branches of trees of every climate, DIb came to the edge of the roof. Luckily, the electro-fences were down dor maintenance. Technically speaking, no-one was supposed to be up here right now.

Tossing the core over the edge, Dib sat down. Thinking of going swimming at the pool, Dib slid off.

Time seemed to slow as Dib fell. He watched the floors go by, noticing how few people even noticed him. Looking down, though, he could see plenty of people noticing. 

Crowds gathered, standing clear of the base of the building. They all pointed, and Dib thought, *he. Someone's finally noticing me. heh.*

As Membrane worked on a "ruined" project on the third floor, he saw crowds gathering outside. They seemed to be pointing up.

As Membrane stood on the balcony of the third floor, he saw Dib fall past. Running to the edge, he saw Dib- **His boy Dib**- fall farther. Time seemed to slow, and he barely managed to look down in time to see Dib land.

Dib didn't even notice the landing; he was going too fast. One moment he was weightless... The next, searing pain. The moment after, blackness.

When Miyuki got back to the bridge, she wasn't expecting to receive an incoming transmission from Zim. Looking at the preview, she saw that Membrane was with him.

"Everyone! Disguises! Now!" she shouted, and then accepted the transmission as soon as everyone was disguised.

"-aaand Diiib Stiink is Deeaaadddddd!!!" howled Zim through the microphone.

"Wait, WHAT?" shouted Miyuki, losing all composure.

"I-I don't know how I didn't see it, all the signs were there. He even came and said his goodbyes. By all the laws of science, how was I so blind. WHy, why wh-" Membrane was cut off by Miyuki asking him what had happened.

Dib had killed himself, and Membrane felt to blame. Miyuki tried to calm him down, but by the end of the call, he was just in the fetal position screaming and sobbing, alternately.

As the transmission ended, Miyuki turned towards the Navigators.

"Chart a course to Earth, and initiate warp drives."

Six hours later

The people of Earth were still reeling from the death of the son of the greatest scientific mind among them. No-one had seen what was left of the Membrane family since Dib had fallen. When an alien armada appeared out of nowhere above them, they were too shell-shocked to react. When they realized it was the same armada from the Mass Florpus Hallucination a couple of years ago, they merely thought they were hallucinating again.

As Miyuki ran off the Massive, no one dared question her. The memory of what she had done to the former Tallests was still fresh in their minds.

When Miyuki reached the airlock, she paid no heed to the fact that she was in the stratosphere. She grabbed a tarp, stretched it between her Pak legs, and jumped.

Hurtling towards the ground, Miyuki cradled the blank Pak she had grabbed in her arms. She hoped this would work.

Reaching the ground, Miyuki rolled and ran into Zim's base. Crashing through the door, she put her Pak legs together into a drill, and not waiting for an elevator chute, went through the floor and ground towards Dib. 

Bursting through the ceiling, Miyuki began shouting orders. Dib's brain was carefully removed from his skull and put in a recording tube. As his brain was being literally transformed into data, Miyuki took a sample of Dib's DNA and began synthesizing it. She replaced it with Irken equivalents and slammed it into a cloning tube.

When Dib's brain had finished digitizing, Miyuki downloaded it into the blank Pak.

"Now we wait."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Membrane and Miyuki have a dinner date

Today was the day. It had been three weeks since Dib's death, and Membrane was still reeling. He'd been out of the public eye while preparing the funeral, and as he pulled on his shoes, he wished he could stay hidden.

Sometimes he loathed his fame. Loathed the swarm of paparazzi trying to dog his every step, hated the fact he had to make a press statement the day his son had died. Sometimes he wished he could atomize each and every one of the story-hungry lot.

Sighing, Professor Membrane went to see if Gaz was ready. Out of anyone, she had seemed to take it the hardest. He wasn't surprised. She had always acted as a protector of sorts for her brother. Membrane couldn't remember all the times she had gotten in trouble for beating up one of Dib's bullies.

Knocking on Gaz's door, Membrane hoped she'd respond. Gaz had seemed to shrink into herself since Dib had died. He tried not to let her just sit alone, because she'd inevitably start listing different ways she should have helped to herself. 

"Coming," he heard Gaz say. Running his hands through his hair, Membrane stood to wait until Gaz opened the door and stepped into the hallway.

She looked like a bride in that dress. It spilt to the floor around her, and its ebony bodice perfectly complimented the navy skirt. The long sleeves draped over her hands, a splash of crimson at the end.

Membrane himself was also dapperly dressed. His usual high-collared lab coat had been replaced with a navy tailcoat and suit pants. The tailcoat's sleeves had been quartered, and its collar was down. Today of all days, he wouldn't hide.

His metal arms and jaw had been engraved into formal versions, etched with swirling patterns of rose vines and chemical formulae. On the palm of his right hand was the same image that would be on Dib's tombstone: Dib's face surrounded by a wreath of holly, garlic, and flying saucers. At Zim's request, below the inscription was a translation into an odd language. It looked similar to cuneiform.

The transcription itself said, "Dib Membrane. Beloved son and brother, protector of Earth." The translated inscription had an addition, but Miyuki assured him it was simply honorifics in her and Zim's native language.

As they stepped outside, Membrane looked up. Those same odd "hallucinations" hovered in the sky. Now, though, they had great black banners hanging from their sides. It seemed fitting that even hallucinations would be somber today.

Miyuki paced around her lab, glancing at Dib every couple seconds. As of right now, he was only there from the neck up. She knew that standing there wouldn't help at all and that this would either work or it wouldn't, but she didn't care.

When her timer went off, telling her she needed to get ready for the funeral, Miyuki walked out of the lab and into the Massive proper. Walking past her subjects, Miyuki tried to make an effort to not seem too stressed. She knew that it was bad for morale for a leader to be discouraged.

Coming to her quarters, Miyuki stepped inside and began to get ready. After turning on her disguise, she retrieved her outfit from the closet. All lace and silk, the waistcoat and jacket looked stunning together. Paired with the long, fluffed skirt, it was really quite the combo. 

Miyuki's hair was in a braided crown, with blue azaleas braided into it. She thought it was a nice nod to what had started this whole mess.

Walking to the Voot she had waiting for her, Miyuki worried about what this funeral would mean. Even if her project did work, Dib would never be able to go back to his old life. Even a perfect disguise couldn't hide memories.

When she reached the Voot, she found Zim already waiting for her. His usual uniform had been replaced by the Invader Dress Uniform. Looking more like armor than clothing, Miyuki wasn't sure how well it would blend in at the funeral, but she didn't have the heart to ask Zim to change.

Piloting down to the ground, Miyuki tried to speak with Zim, but for once he was silent. 

One hour later

As he walked down the white stretch of cloth leading towards an empty grave, the weight of the coffin bore into Membrane's shoulder. Why. Why did he have to bury his son?

As the coffin was laid into the ground, Membrane could feel the tears dripping down his face. As the grave was filled, he didn't look away. He just stared.

he sat there for hours until he felt a hand on his shoulder. Gaz.

"It's time to go, Dad."

As he walked away, Membrane saw Miyuki standing some distance away, surrounded by an entourage. Her... company were all dressed in what appeared to be militaristic uniforms, and they were all at attention. Odd.

When she saw him looking at her, Miyuki stepped between the people surrounding her and walked towards Membrane. 

"Membrane, wait. There's something I need to tell you."

Membrane heard her speaking, but it took a moment for her words to pierce his grieving haze. When they did, he looked her in the eyes.

"What is it?" he tiredly asked, holding her gaze. He wondered what it was that Miyuki wanted to talk about. Maybe it had something to do with that entourage.

"Can we speak in private? It has to do with rather sensitive matters," said Miyuki, pointing towards an empty gazebo a ways away.

"Of course," Membrane replied. As he followed Miyuki to the gazebo, he did notice how the bodyguards- because that's what they seemed to be- followed behind.

From the sounds of it, Miyuki was the leader of a country but had been dethroned a while back, and locked up. At least, she wasn't around for a while. The new leaders didn't like Zim because he had been one of Miyuki's favorites, and had repeatedly set him up for failure. They eventually just exiled him, and that was how Zim ended up in America. 

Having regained her freedom, Miyuki followed Zim to America. The business trip she had been on when Dib... The business trip was actually a cover for her going back to her home nation tho reclaim her throne.

At the moment, she was ruling from afar, but after a while, she would have to go home for good. However, she still wanted to see him. Basically, she wanted to have a long-distance relationship. From the sound of things, they'd only be able to see each other on weekends.

"Of course. Honestly, I don't know if I could take losing anyone else right now," said membrane, when she broached the subject of a long-distance relationship. Something told him she wasn't telling him everything, but Membrane didn't care.

He was beyond caring.

After Miyuki returned to the Massive that night, she set about making preparations to get the Massive back on course. Once the initial setup was completed, the Armada jumped back to its place along its path of conquering. 

However, things were going back to the way they had been before Red and Purple took the throne. Instead of destroying and enslaving worlds, Miyuki turned the Armada around and set to partially liberating everyone Red and Purple had subjugated. After all, an empire that believes itself utopic is much easier to rule. It doesn't have to be utopic, it merely has to think it is.

Her first stop was Vort. Miyuki knew that repairing relations with the Vortians would take a long time, so she decided that Vort would be the one planet to receive full freedom from the Empire. 

While the horned species was rightfully wary, they quickly set about rebuilding their homeland. Even if this was a trick, they still couldn't bear to see it languish in its current state for a moment longer.

The other planets under the Empire's dominion were simply set up as vassal-states instead of slaves. While they were ruled by the Empire, they were allowed some measure of self-government.

Miyuki knew that it would take centuries to repair all the damage Red and Purple had done, so she couldn't waste any time. Just this stage would take months of work. 

That Weekend

As Professor Membrane worked at the labs, he seemed downright exhausted. His current project was a device that would alert when the person it was attached to attempted to harm themselves. 

What happened to Dib would never happen again. Not if he had anything to say about it. 

When one of his assistants told Membrane that he needed to go get ready for his date, he very nearly refused to go in favor of continuing to work.

While he was brushing his hair, Membrane realized just how haggard he looked. His eyes had bags under them, and his hair was a mess. His usually perfectly pressed lab coat was rumpled.

Sliding his goggles back over his eyes, Membrane went to his closet to grab a different lab coat. Shrugging it on, he walked out the door. On the way out he dropped the old one down the laundry chute.

Miyuki was seriously debating whether or not to have her disguise on tonight. She wanted to tell Membrane everything, but she wasn't sure he could take it. His world was already shattering.

So instead, she would simply tell him that her home was in a lab building. She knew it would be safer to take him to an earth restaurant, but she couldn't resist. She wanted to have dinner with him on the Massive.

When Membrane was picked up by Miyuki, he was surprised by how the vehicle looked. It was a sporty car, and the rear windows were incredibly tinted. Once he was inside, Membrane couldn't even see the outside.

"Hello. I was thinking that tonight I'd take you to a very special place to eat," Miyuki greeted him. Once he was sat down, she offered him a glass of water.

"Oh? Where are we eating?"

"At my place. The closest translation in English is 'The Massive.' It's a class-S mobile fleet defender. At the moment it's in Irken Spa- Waters. Irken waters. Yes. Irk is a human nation. Yes."

Not even noticing Miyuki's slip up, Membrane pulled a device out of his pocket and began tinkering with it. As long as he was working on something, he wasn't thinking about Dib.

Miyuki noticed that Membrane was working again, trying to distract himself. Placing his hands in hers, she locked eyes with Membrane. 

"Please. I know you're just trying to distract yourself but now isn't the time. You need to rest. Tonight, at least," she said, holding his gaze.

She watched as he slowly put the device back in his pocket, and then continued to talk to him until they arrived at the Massive. Once they had, Miyuki first made sure everyone had been told to have their holo-disguises on tonight, and they stepped out into the docking bay.

Membrane wondered how a car had driven onto a warship, but quickly dismissed it. He had a few converting vehicles as well. Following Miyuki into the ship proper, Membrane thought that "Massive" was a very apt name.

In fact, he wondered how he had never heard of this ship. Just from the tech they passed on the way to the formal dining room, this ship was a marvel.

In the formal dining room, there was what appeared to be a gargantuan window lining one wall. However, there was a curtain drawn over it. Shrugging this off, Membrane took his seat next to Miyuki. The seats were very tall, taller even than barstools, so he had to clamber up onto it. 

The dining hall was candlelit, and candlelight played hell with his goggles, so for once, he took them off.

"What kind of candles are these?" he asked, genuinely curious. They smelt odd, like nothing he'd ever smelt before. The flame was unusual as well, a greyish purple.

"Ah, they're Blorchian Blubber candles. The flame is very unlikely to catch on anything else, so they are safer than, say, a beeswax candle." Odd, Membrane had never heard of "Blorchian" anything.

As they were waiting for their food, Membrane noticed that Miyuki was drumming her fingers against the table.

The more he watched her, the more agitated she looked. She kept uncrossing her legs, almost like she was expecting to be able to reach the floor. Every time she couldn't, she'd grimace and then pull her legs up under her.

She'd also repeatedly look at something like she was trying to pick it up, but nothing would happen. Each time this would happen, she'd blush and then ask him to pass it to her. 

Her staff was also acting oddly. Several of them kept referring to her as their "Tallest," but Membrane could brush that off as a title. What bothered him was that several of them kept acting like they were used to being shorter. A few of the waiters kept tripping over their own feet, almost like they were used to having very short legs.

By the time the appetizers were served, Miyuki looked like she wanted to pull her hair out. Though she made small talk, she seemed distracted. She also seemed progressively more annoyed every time she was called out of the room for diplomatic reasons. 

At one point, she walked over to the curtain, stepped behind it, and could be heard to be chewing someone out. However, when she came back out, there was no-one there. Membrane figured she must just have a headset or something.

Around the time dessert was being served, Miyuki just threw her hands in the air.

"Membrane, if we're going to have a relationship, then I should be honest with you, no matter how much you're not going to believe me, right?" she asked, spearing the odd cake she had on her plate with her fork.

"I-I would assume so, yes. Why wouldn't you?" he responded, confused. What had brought this on?

"Okay then. First of all," said Miyuki, pressing a button on her remote, "we're in space."

As she finished speaking, the curtain at the far end of the room began to slide open, withdrawing completely into the wall. Outside the window was a stunning view of space. However, Membrane didn't recognize any of the constellations.

"Where in the solar system are we? I don't recognize any of this." As he spoke, Membrane put down his food. He didn't feel like eating anymore.

"We're not. That leads into my second point. Irk has FTL drives." This time, as she spoke, the outside became a blur, and all of a sudden they were at Pluto. The next second, they were at a planet he could have sworn was Alpha Centauri.

A moment later they were in what could only have been the Bootes Void. This was impossible, that would mean they'd gone 700 million lightyears in... seconds.

Rocking back in his seat, Membrane was amazed. Any nation which had discovered FTL drives would be - no pun intended- lightyears ahead of all the others. This would explain why he had never heard of this ship before. Anyone developing such a thing would want to keep it under wraps.

"Thirdly- and this is what I doubt you'll believe- Dib was well within reasonability to fear me. Well within his scope of knowledge of my kind to think I was trying to hurt you. The usurpers were rather... violent, with the methods they would use. Since they were all he had experience with, it is no wonder he was terrified of me when he found out I was Irken." Finishing speaking, Miyuki put her head in her hands. Membrane wondered about the way she said "my kind," almost as if she wasn't human. But that was impossible.

"Alright everybody, disguise holos off."

As soon as Miyuki said this, everyone in the room whipped their heads around to look at her. A few of them tried to ask if she was sure, but she merely nodded her head.

Membrane was sure he was finally losing it when, one by one, every single person in the room shimmered and was replaced by a green insectoid biped. Some were much shorter than they were with their "disguises," while others were quite a bit taller. Eventually, he looked at Miyuki, blood draining from his face.

He watched as she gently smiled at him, and began to shimmer as well. He watched as she slowly grew taller, and was replaced by a 12-foot-tall alien woman.

"I'm sorry, Miyuki. I'm going to have to cut our date short. It would seem that I'm having audiovisual hallucinations."

Miyuki just stared at him, seemingly dumbfounded. Standing up, she walked over to Membrane and kissed him, holding his head between her hands.

"Is that proof enough for you?" she asked, as every single Irken in the room gasped simultaneously.

"This really is a cruel hallucination. Giving me something I so badly want, only for it not to be real," said Membrane, pulling away.

Miyuki just threw her hands back into the air and began to pace. "I had heard you could be obtuse when you wanted to, but this is ridiculous," she cried, before walking back over to Membrane.

Okay, if that wasn't proof enough, I'll just give you a full tour of the Irken Massive, she thought, grabbing him and placing him on her shoulders. Charging full-tilt out of the room, she began spouting off random facts about whatever they passed.

Coming to a stop in the bridge, Miyuki placed him back on the ground and asked him again if he still thought he was hallucinating. Membrane still wasn't entirely convinced, but he was unsure his subconscious could conjure that much random trivia.

"Okay. Now that we've covered all that, its time for my final point. Follow me." Miyuki didn't even give him a second to process what was going on before walking back out of the room.

Membrane had to run to keep up with her. Miyuki didn't seem to think about the fact that her stride was over double his. When she eventually turned and entered a room, Membrane was relieved he wouldn't have to be running anymore.

However, his relief quickly turned to confusion when he saw what was in the room.

Inside what was very similar to one of the cloning tubes he had used to create Dib and Gaz was another one of the green aliens. However, this one had a facial structure very similar to Dib's. Its antennae also looked startlingly similar to Dib's hair scythe.

"Wh-what is this?" he asked, walking up to the tube. He placed one gloved hand against the glass and noticed something. It wasn't complete yet. The tips of its fingers and its feet were still forming. As he watched, he could see them knitting themselves together.

"My attempt at fixing things. I'm going to need to explain a few things," said Miyuki. She explained Paks to Membrane, and told him that she'd digitized Dib's brain so that he could be put in a Pak like an Irken. She apologized for not telling him earlier, but she hadn't been sure this would work at all. She told Membrane that she had used a bit of her DNA and that from there she had altered Dib's DNA to Irken equivalents. All that was left was for him to finish forming.

As Membrane listened to Miyuki finish explaining things, he looked again at the strange child in front of him. Once again he saw how much like Dib it looked.

A few hours later, Membrane was still standing there. He watched with Miyuki beside him as the final few scraps of flesh grew, and as the indicator light on the bottom of the tube lit up.

Dib had been just getting used to the darkness when he felt... something. It felt like he was slipping into familiar clothes like everything was just as it should be. As he began to feel settled, he began to wake up. The first thing to come was his memories.

Especially of the fall.

Membrane watched as the alien- No, as Dib woke up. As soon as he did, he jerked into a ball and began screaming. It seemed like when he realized that there wasn't, in fact, any pain, he stopped. He sat up and looked around.

"Where- Where am I? What happened?" he asked, before looking down at himself. "What am I wearing. Wait..." Bringing his hand up to his face, Dib began to scream again. 

Running over to Dib, Membrane grabbed his son into his arms. "I am so sorry. I should never have left. I should never-" Membrane broke down crying, his words unintelligible through his sobs. 

Dib stopped screaming, and his arms simply hung down at his sides. He didn't try to pull away from the hug. Instead, he asked, "Why? How? Why am I green? Please tell me there's a reasonable answer."

Dib couldn't understand what was happening. This all had to be some sort of pain-induced fever dream. He must still be lying broken on that sidewalk, he must be. Because if he wasn't dead, and was green, with only two fingers and a thumb... No. It couldn't be. He was Dib, Protector of Earth. Human.

*noT_Anym*o*r**e** D**ib* Rank: Hero

He heard it. He heard it in his head, echoing through his skull. Grabbing the sides of his head, he tore away from Membrane and hunched over, face to the ground, tearing at the sides of his head.

"Get out of my head! Get out! Get out!" He screamed, but it did nothing. The voice had stopped, but it was still there, He could feel it. He could feel the proof of his inhumanity weighing heavily on his back. He could feel the proof of everything he'd lost in the very fact that he could no longer feel any of the depths of anguish he had felt. He could no longer feel what had led him to the roof that day. 

After all, that wouldn't be very H*errrRo__-Ic.

"Nononnoono GET OUT OF MY DAMN HEAD!" he screamed, bashing his face into the floor. If the voice wouldn't get out of his head, then he would.

When Dib yanked away, Membrane didn't know what to think. However, when his son started to bash his own head into the floor, he grabbed his shoulders. 

"Dib, please. Stop, and tell me what's going on." When Membrane finished speaking, Dib looked at him. There were cyan tears in his golden eyes. Eyes the exact color that Dib's irises had been before all this.

Membrane was still holding his son when Dib began to cry outright. Pulling his son closer into a hug, Membrane just held Dib, and let him cry.

"It's okay. It's okay, Dib. I'm here. Just... Just let it all out."


	8. Chapter 8

Sitting in his room, Dib couldn't believe everything that had happened in the past few weeks. Honestly, he still wasn't over, y'know, dying. Other than that, he still hated how he looked now.

He was an Irken, for heaven's sakes! He had a Pak and antennae, and a weird voice in his head that was annoyingly sarcastic. Luckily, it only showed up when he started slipping back into depressive thoughts. Unluckily, he was still dealing with the mental backlash of killing himself.

Sighing, he looked at the wig in his hands. There was no way this would work. Seriously, it looked worse than Zim's! It was all shiny, and the hair scythe was way too stiff. 

Putting it on, Dib walked out the door. On the bright side, if he was caught, his dad would probably just shrug it off to the media as something has gone wrong in the revival. As he caught up with Gaz, he remembered to put in the contacts.

The entire walk to school, Dib kept wishing he didn't have to go. Sure, summer was over, but there was no way people would just gloss over the fact that he had died. What was he saying? These were the same people who had sat next to Zim in class for years and never batted an eye. Of course, they would.

It was strange how, even though they should have left her class behind a couple of years ago, Mrs. Bitters was still their homeroom teacher. What was even weirder was how she never seemed to age.

As soon as the bell rang for homeroom, Mrs. Bitters just seemed to appear behind her desk. Looking out over the classroom, she sneered at the tired faces before her. Dib was oddly comforted that, despite everything that had changed, Mrs. Bitters was still her same creepy self.

This comfort was immediately snatched away when she called him up to the front of the room. But what did he expect? Of course, Mrs. Bitters would want to capitalize on the suffering of one of her pupils.

"So, Dib, what was it like to die? What happened after?" she asked, seeming to hiss. She towered over him, a looming blackness.

Shit. What should he tell her? Seriously, he didn't exactly die in the normal sense of the word. He was put in a Pak. Wait, that's it. He'll just talk about that.

"Well, it was kinda cramped. Like, I could feel it was cramped, and kinda too warm, but not my limbs. It was dark, but at the same time not. Uhh. When Dad put my consciousness in my new body, it kinda felt like putting on new clothes," Dib rambled, not giving himself time to think about how bad of an idea this was.

"Hmm. Well, you're not making up the same bull that most people do. You actually died. B+ for today," she said, dismissing him to his seat.

Sitting back down, Dib couldn't believe what he'd just heard. Seriously? He went splat and the best she can do is a B+? Not even an A-? 

A while later, in third period, Dib was trying his hardest to ignore Zim. His face still hurt from when he tried to get a drink out of the water fountain, and he wasn't in the best mood. He could hardly hear anything through the wig, and the contacts were itching like crazy. 

Eventually, Dib turned around. "What do you want, Zim?" he asked, very clearly annoyed.

"So you know how you always used to try to remove my disguise in class?"

"Zim, no. Don't."

"ZIM YES!" shouted Zim, diving over his desk and grabbing at Dib's wig. 

Dib tried to duck away, but the stupid fake hair-scythe was so long that Zim grabbed it anyway.

"Zim. Please. Don't," Dib said, eyes darting around the room. If his wig was snatched here, there was no telling what would happen. However, before Dib had time to do anything, he could feel it being ripped off his scalp.

Dib could feel as his antennae stood up straight, as well as the weight of the gazes of everyone in the room falling upon him.

"Zim! How dare you! How would you feel if you died, and then someone snatched your wig?" he heard Keef shouting. What?

"Yeah, Zim, I do some messed up stuff, but even I won't stoop that low," Torque Smackey said. What was going on?

However, the rest of the class seemed to agree with Torque and Keef. 

A few people even said something about how Dib was probably embarrassed his Dad had used him as a guinea pig or whatever. How dim-witted were his classmates? He had freaking antennae!

When Zim threw a water balloon at Dib, Dib was still too busy looking astonishedly at his classmates to duck. As such, the balloon hit him square in the back of the head.

While Dib was writhing on the ground, screaming in pain, Torque walked up to Zim and pinned his arms behind his back. Once Zim's arms were pinned, Torque calmly put Zim's face in the water.

Kicking upwards, Zim caught Torque squarely between the legs and was promptly let go. Standing back up, Zim whirled around and slammed Torque in the face with a right hook. 

As Zim went to storm out of the room, Dib jumped up off the floor and tackled him. Kicking and clawing, the two of them rolled around on the floor, beating the everloving shit out of each other.

"What's the matter, Dib-Stink? Don't know how to use your Pak legs yet?" taunted Zim, briefly gaining the upper hand. However, the smirk was quickly wiped off his face when Dib kicked his feet out from under him.

"I don't need Irken tech to beat you in a fight, Space-Boy. Never have never will." As he spoke, Dib grabbed Zim by his ankles and swung him into Gretchen's desk.

"I'm not the only space-boy now, Dib Stink. Although, I must say, the new look is such an improvement." 

Zim, of course, had no concept of going too far. He didn't realize the effect this would have on Dib. As such, he was caught off-guard when Dib began kicking him in the ribs.

"ENOUGH! As much as it entertains me to watch you two beat each other, I don't want to deal with the paperwork. Sit down before I send you to the Detention Room," hissed Mrs. Bitters, suddenly standing between Zim and Dib. As soon as she spoke, both of them ran back to their seats. You didn't mess with Bitters, after all.

At lunch, Dib very nearly took a bite of his burger before he remembered it could kill him. And not in the normal way, not in the "School food is absolutely toxic" joking way. Grimacing, he put it back down. What bothered him was that he wasn't even really all that hungry. He hadn't eaten all day, and yet he wasn't hungry.

Dib was considering eating the green beans, at least, when he felt someone tapping on his shoulder. Looking back to see who it was, Dib saw Jessica. Great, what did she want now?

"Hey, uh, you know how you're always talking about those ghosts and stuff? I-I think I saw one," she said. Looking closer, Dib could see she was shaking and looked terrified.

"Really? Where? maybe I can help!" Dib exclaimed, jumping up from his seat. Finally, someone who believed him!

"Over near the stairwell, between the first and second floors. Careful, though! It was soooo~ scary!" she cried, pointing towards the door of the cafeteria. As Dib ran full-tilt towards the stairs, he didn't see Jessica smirk and text someone.

As Dib raced towards the stairs, he thought about what he could be in for. Maybe it was a specter. OOH! It could be a wight. He'd never seen one of those before! What Dib didn't think about was the hefty metal lunch tray that swung out at his face from around the corner, knocking him out cold.

When Dib woke up, it was to the sound of a sickening crunch, over and over again. When his eyes fluttered open, he was mentally thrown back to that terrible day. For playing in front of him was his death, on repeat.

Dib tried to get up, to move away, but he found that his arms were duct-taped to his sides, and his feet were bound together. Thrashing around, Dib managed to turn away from the gruesome video. However, it was still burned into his eyes. 

"Oh, look, the little green corpse woke up. Look, Hutch, its the walking dead!" laughed Jessica, grabbing Dib by the chin. Her laugh was grating, and Dib just wanted to cut it right off her face.

No! What was he thinking? He couldn't! *But ShE H4rm3D_YoU. Dib: RaNkeD Her0. Er4D!cAte Villains/EneMieS Of Th3 Em9ire.*

"No! No! Get out of my head!" Dib screamed, thrashing around even more violently. Jessica dropped his face, letting his head slam into the concrete. 

"Eugh. He's going nuts. Let's just get this over with," groaned Jessica, as she stood up. Dib snapped out of it when he felt himself being picked up off the ground. Looking around, he realized he was on the roof.

"Heh, yeah. Dib-shit "survived" a fall off membrane Labs. I'm sure this'll be no issue for him." Wait. Dib recognized that voice. It was Chuck, the same kid who had bullied him every day if his school career.

***Vi!LaiN DeteCt3D***

No! He was Dib! He was Dib! He just had to remember that. He couldn't hurt anybody. He wouldn't hurt anybody. This was just a prank. They weren't going to actually hurt him. After all, they were all just kids. He was, too. 

"Okay, okay. Good joke. Just... Just put me down now. Please," Dib begged, even though what he really wanted to do was teach these pathetic lower lifeforms a lesson. No! No! No, they were... well, not his friends. Not his acquaintances either. Every day he had known them, they'd hurt him. 

Every time he had tried to fix things, to befriend them, they had thrown it back in his face. Every time he had tried to be less of a target, they just seemed to hate him more.

What's worse, they seemed to think it was all funny. There was no deep-seated trauma, no demonic possession. He'd checked.

Honestly, even... before, he'd quietly wished to fight back. To get in at least one good swing. To win at least once.

When Dib felt them swinging him out and over, off the edge of the roof, he still held out hope. When they swung again, building up momentum, he felt that hope die. In that moment, he knew they weren't going to stop. He knew there was no going back. No returning to the way things were. Not completely, at least.

As he felt them letting go, Dib also felt something snap. He realized it was the duct tape, where it went over his Pak. It had been broken. In its place, were... wings. They looked like those sci-fi wings you'd see in a video game, all hard lines and sharp angles.

And around them, like metallic spider legs, Pak's legs. His Pak legs. If there was any hope that this was all some strange fever dream, any hope that this had all been the delusions his brain made up while he bled out on the sidewalk, it died when he saw those Pak legs.

Whirling around midair, Dib could hear himself speak. As he spoke, he felt more settled in his skin. He felt like the Pak on his back settled more snugly. It scared him, yet at the same time, he was comforted.

"***F0r_tHe 3mpire***"

As Dib flew at Chuck, he heard Jessica scream. As blood flew through the air, he took solace in the fact that they wouldn't be hurting anyone anytime soon.

While she was busy directing the Massive through a firefight with what was left of the Resisty, Miyuki was impatient. She had greatly improved these fools conditions, but apparently they weren't freedom fighters after all. They just wanted revenge.

When she received a notice on her holoscreen that Dib's Pak Wings had just activated, Miyuki cursed. She couldn't go to him right now. While directing the next wave of cannon fire with one arm, Miyuki sent Membrane a message with the other.

"Dib's in trouble. Well, either Dib is, or people were bullying Dib, and now Dib is the trouble."

When Membrane received the message, he wondered why Dib would be the trouble. However, now wasn't the time to question it. He had to go help his boy. Membrane had failed Dib once, but he wouldn't let that happen again.

Running out the front door of the labs, Membrane activated his rocket boots and soared off towards Dib's school. He was not prepared for what he saw when he got there.

Dib was hovering in the middle of the roof, strange, glowing wings jutting from his Pak. His legs were duct-taped together, wrapped tightly up to the thighs. Scraps of tape hung from his arms.

What shocked Membrane the most was what Dib was holding. Or rather, who. In each hand, Dib held one of his classmates by the collar. The two teen's faces were bloody and looked like they had been cut. A Pak leg was held to their throats.

"Dib! What are you doing!" he shouted, flying down to his son's side.

"They tried to kill me. Seeing as they still draw breath, I think I did them a mercy," Dib said. His voice startled the Professor. It was strangely monotonous, with an odd lilt to it. Dib seemed to be laughing to himself, but it sounded more like a chirping. However, what Membrane focused more on was what he said, not the way he said it.

"They did what?! I just got you back, and they want to take you from me? Put them down, and I'll see to it they are dealt with."

As Dib set them down, Membrane splashed a pinkish liquid in their faces, and the cuts healed. As the wounds closed, Membrane grabbed them by the wrists.

"Dib, follow me. I do believe these two hooligans need to speak with your teacher," said Membrane, a grin creeping across his face, "I do believe that would still be Mrs. Bitters, correct?"

Membrane remembered Bitters. He remembered how terrified everyone had been of her back when they were in school. He knew that whatever punishment she came up with would be made inherently worse just because she was involved. 

Dib cut the duct-tape entrapping his legs and quickly followed behind his father. As Dib was walking behind Membrane, he realized that everyone was staring. He also realized he had blood all down his face. It wasn't his, but his peers didn't know that. From their perspective, it must look like Jessica and Chuck had beaten him bloody.

Speaking of blood, it was starting to burn. As Dib reached up to wipe it off, he caught sight of his hands. At the tip of each finger was a claw. A sharp, black claw. Utterly inhuman.

Grabbing his hand with the other, Dib stopped dead in his tracks. What had he done? He'd just hurt people. Their blood dripped down his jawbone, pooled in between his lips like bright red tears. He could taste it.

As Dib stood there, shaking, he began to vomit. However, it was just more proof of what he had become. It spilled from his lips, a thick black sludge, streaked with red. Dib fell to his knees and began to cry.

When Membrane heard his son start to cry, he quickly dropped the two hooligans, giving them a warning not to try to run. Once the two were thoroughly frightened, he ran over to Dib.

Grabbing his son in a hug, Membrane did his best to comfort him. He didn't know what to do, but he would try his best. 

As Dib cried into his shoulder, Membrane scooped him up to carry him the rest of the way. Powerwalking past the two offenders, all Membrane had to do was glare and they fell in line behind him.

When Membrane burst into the empty classroom, Mrs. Bitters just glared. While he explained the situation, she seemed disinterested. However, when the professor told her he would take responsibility for whatever punishment sh deemed appropriate, a wide, thin grin appeared on her face. 

When Membrane was halfway down the hallway and heard screams coming from the classroom he had just left, he didn't even pause. He needed to get Dib home. Using the integrated headset in his goggles, he cleared his schedule for the rest of the day.

Right now, Dib was his greatest concern. His poor son was obviously not doing well. While yes, he had no experience with Irkens, he had 14 years worth of experience with Dib. Seminars could wait.

When classes let out for the day, Gaz waited outside the school for an hour, looking for Dib. When he didn't show up, she grimaced and started walking home on her own. He'd probably run off after some paranormal something-or-other as soon as the bell rang.

Walking home, she passed Jessica and Chuck. Their faces were gaunt, and they had bags under their eyes. Looks like fun.

Stepping up behind them, Gaz clapped her hands on their shoulders and spun them around. However, as soon as they saw her, their already haggard faces paled.

"We-We're sorry! We didn't mean to hurt him!" Jessica shouted, putting her hands up in front of her face. 

"What. Are you talking about?" growled Gaz, setting her feet wide, settling into an offensive stance.

"Jess, I don't think she knows. If we go now..." said Chuck, grabbing Jessica's shoulder. They looked at each other and then ran off.

"If either of you hurt Dib, you're target practice!" Gaz shouted after them, before breaking into a run towards home. Crap. It sounded like DIb was hurt.

Literally kicking the door open, Gaz ran into the living room. When she saw Dib, she sprinted over to him.

"Dib! Are you okay? If Jessica and Chuck hurt you, I'll kill them!" Gaz started pacing around the room, waiting for Dib's reply.

"I think I kinda already almost... Did." Well, that wasn't the response she was expecting. When she asked him what he meant, Dib got really defensive. When she questioned her father, it turned out that Jessica and Chuck had tried to give Dib flashbacks to when he jumped of Membrane Labs. They showed him a video of his death, and even tried to throw him off the top of the school.

Gaz would have gone and killed them right then if Membrane hadn't stopped her.

"Gaz, Dib snapped earlier. He very nearly killed them himself. I think the best thing right now is to just be there for Dib," he said, his face hidden behind his coat and goggles as always. Still, Gaz could tell how much her father wanted to obliterate those scumbags.

As Dib lay in bed that night, he realized he couldn't sleep. No matter how much he tossed or turned, he just wasn't tired. Eventually giving up, he rolled out of bed and started getting dressed. Pulling one of only two trench coats that had survived his... state that summer out of his closet, Dib shrugged it on. However, it caught on his Pak.

Sighing, dib cut a hole in the back of it, like he had had to do to his shirt. He shrugged it back on and tucked it under. Antennae twitching in annoyance, he walked downstairs.

As he entered the kitchen, Foodio whirred to life.

"Good morning, Master Dib, what would you like for breakfast?" it asked, wheeling around the room.

Sighing, Dib just told Foodio he wasn't hungry. After all, it was the truth. As the robot settled back into sleep mode, Dib looked out the window. Rain pelted the glass, and clouds obscured the stars.

Doing something that would have been rolling his eyes if he still had discernible sclera, irises, and pupils, Dib walked back upstairs. Settling back in front of his laptop, he decided to have a bit of fun.

Using the webcam, Dib snapped a few photos of himself, a few with the light catching in his eyes, a couple using a flashlight to silhouette his antennae. 

He then messed around with Photoshop for a while, editing himself into different places. In one, he was visiting Mount Fiji. In the next, he was hiding under a table by the Eiffel Tower. Chuckling to himself, Dib compiled them into a folder. 

Pulling up the (now much less used) Swollen Eyeballs website, Dib just started spamming all the members with the same images over and over. It was hilarious because, in a couple of hours, the few members not currently in jail would all either think it was some conspiracy, or that an alien computer virus had infected the site.

Sitting back in his chair, Dib stretched. Well, he tried to sit back. His Pak got in the way. He's going to have to ask Zim for one of those chairs with a hollow on the backrest, wasn't he?

Sighing, Dib pulled out the holoscreen Miyuki had given him. Apparently, it had a few training exercises for Pak legs downloaded into it. So far, he'd refused to even spare it a thought. After today, though, he didn't really have a choice.

When Gaz woke up that morning, she went downstairs and found Dib in the living room. He was doing some weird alien yoga with those metal spider-leg-things. Whatever.

Walking into the kitchen, she had Foodio fix her some bacon and eggs. Sitting down to eat, she pulled out her GameSlave and started a match of Vampire Piggy Slayer XXIV.

When Dib walked into the kitchen, Gaz didn't pay him much mind. It was only when he asked her what the awful smell was that she looked up.

"For once, I don't know what you're talking about. All I've done is have Foodio make some breakfast," she grumbled at him. Dib looked confused.

"Something reeks. It smells like grease," Dib responded, his antennae flat against his head. Walking towards the sink, Dib was going to check if there was something caught in the sink drain. However, as he passed Gaz, he nearly retched.

"Eugh, I think there's something wrong with Foodio. The smell is coming from that food."

Raising an eyebrow, Gaz rolled her eyes at Dib. "There's nothing wrong with the food. Are you sure it's not just you, roach-boy?" she asked, making a joke at Dib's expense.

Eyes widening, Dib marched over to Foodio. "Foodio, make me a full English breakfast."

A few moments later, Dib was sitting at the table, a full plate in front of him, trying not to vomit. When he bit into the toast, it tasted weird but had no adverse reaction. The eggs tasted rancid, and he ended up spitting them back out. He didn't even bother trying to bite into the bacon or ham. Just putting it near his face burned.

"Eugh! What the hell am I supposed to eat!" he shouted, pushing the plate away. He got up and stormed out of the kitchen, brushing past his father.

"Dib? Dib! Is everything ok?" Membrane asked, stepping towards his son. 

"Oh, sure! Everything is just PEACHY! I'm an alien cockroach who can't eat a decent breakfast, sleep, take a bath, anything! Everything is amazing, Dad!" Dib exploded. His Pak legs shot out, nearly impaling the couch.

"Dib, please. Calm down. I'm sure Zim has something you can eat," Membrane said, raising his hands in a placating manner. It was then that he noticed how much Dib had grown, just in the past few days. Heck, last night alone he must have grown a good three inches.

Dib noticed his new height as well when he realized he was actually eye-level with his father. He could see his reflection is his dad's goggles. In it, he didn't see himself. He saw a green menace.

Turning away, Dib ran upstairs to his room. He slammed the door shut behind himself, locked it, and climbed out of the window. Climbing down off the roof, Dib walked over to Zim's house.


	9. Chapter 9

As Dib walked up to Zim's door, he was surprised when none of the lawn gnomes targeted him with their lasers. He even walked up to one and flicked it on the head. However, nothing happened. 

Shrugging, Dib walked the rest of the way to Zim's door and knocked. When Zim opened the door and saw Dib, he grimaced.

"What do you want, you pathetic smeet-brain?" Zim asked, looking more annoyed than usual. 

"Oh, nothing much, dookie-head. Just wanted to..." said Dib, reaching into his jacket and pulling out his anti-alien cuffs, "Show you once and for all that I will always win in a fight!"

As Zim leapt backward, propelled by his Pak legs, Dib continued to taunt him. "And Zim! Is "smeet-brain" really the best you can come up with?" he snarked, running towards Zim.

"wh-what! No! You lieee! You LIEEE!" Zim shouted, running further into the house. Dib lost sight of him, but no matter. He knew Zim's favorite hiding places.

Zim watched, waiting, from the rafters. He was directly above one of his favorite hiding places, and all he had to do now was wait for Dib-Smeet to check it. Then he'd strike.

As Dib looked under the table, Zim let out a fierce battle-cry and jumped down onto him. Rolling around on the floor, kicking and scratching at his adversary, Zim managed to gain the upper hand.

"Now, Dib-filth, watch as I use your own trap against you! Watch as I flip over My Tap Car!" he shouted, wresting Dib's anti-alien cuffs away.

"Don't you mean Trap Card Zim-HEY WAIT NONONO!" Dib shouted as Zim clamped the cuffs onto him. After a short "Alien Detected" message flashed across their screens, they tightened around his wrist. An "Alternative limbs found" message then flashed, and thin wires shot out of the sides of the cuffs and formed a thin shell around his Pak. From there, they wrapped around his ankles.

As soon as Dib was properly cuffed, Zim grabbed him by his ankles and dragged him to the elevator Miyuki used to get down into the base. Once down there, he did like Miyuki had asked and dumped Dib into a portable Invader Training Holo-Room. After setting the timescale to 48x, he walked away, back towards Computer's main screen.

"Computer! Set training planet to... Eh, whatever. I don't really care. Just make it fun to watch!" Zim cried, cackling maniacally. 

"Now, Computer! Since we have the week's-end ahead of us, I will make use of your knowledge databases! Tell me! What are some Earthen swears! I must know so that I may use them in a verbal assault against the DIB!" he screamed, before settling in to study every single swear in every single language spoken on Earth.

Meanwhile, on the Massive, Miyuki was preparing to go visit Membrane. After all, he had come over last week, so now it was her turn. As she walked around her private chambers getting ready, she tried to think of what to bring him. Maybe some of the Chromatic Shift flowers from PLanet Foij. Perhaps she should grab a bolt of Planet Ced's signature burnproof silk.

Eventually, she decided simple was best, and downloaded the chemical blueprint for a super-alloy onto her holoscreen. While she waited for it to download, she checked her hair in the mirror. Sure, she didn't need her disguise to go see membrane, but what if he wanted to take her to some Earth restaurant? 

Hopping into her Voot cruiser, Miyuki left a very confused Skoodge in charge. By her reasoning, it didn't matter that he was short. He was competent, and she had left him a pair of stilts. 

When she arrived on Earth, Miyuki parked her Voot cruiser in the docking bay in Zim's attic. Before she went over to Membrane's, she decided to see how Zim was doing.

"Hello, My Tallest! I have been doing some valuable research!" Zim shouted, jumping out of his chair and running towards Miyuki. When he jumped up towards her, she caught him in a hug.

"Very good. Now, from the looks of it, the holo-training facility is on. You have it set to spit him out after a week's worth of time passes in-simulation, right?" she asked, raising Zim up to her eye-level.

"Uhhh. I don't know. Probably!" Zim replied, a grin on his face. Unconvinced, Miyuki checked the time. It was around noon.

"What time did you put him in there?" Miyuki asked, walking over to the timescale knob. It was at 48x. 

"Around 4 in the A.M, My Tallest!" Zim replied, chipper as always. Realizing this would mean Dib had been in-simulation for two weeks his time, Miyuki quickly pushed the disengage button.

Chastising Zim, Miyuki opened the door. Inside, she found Dib. His Pak legs were out, and he was whipping his head around wildly.

According to the results, Dib hadn't conquered the digital planet. She hadn't expected him to. However, he had destabilized it.

Miyuki was confused. How? He'd only been there for what would have been two weeks, Earth time. Flipping through the report, she found the answer.

"Computer, why was his simulation set to Blorch? That is a near-end-of-training simulation, not a first-time!" she growled, marching over to Dib and scooping him into her arms.

"Well, in my defense, I was following orders. In Zim's defense... There's not much to say." Computer remarked. Miyuki whirled around and glared at Zim.

"Zim, you're grounded." she said, before walking to the elevator, "and that means NO plots for the rest of the week. Also, you have to wear... Earth Clothes!" As the elevator took Miyuki and Dib up, she cackled and Zim screamed.

Dib was vaguely aware of being picked up, but the sight of the black blood of the Slaughtering Rat People still stained his vision. 

He had seen Zim closing the door to the strange room, and then everything had gone black. When he came to, he was sitting in a Voot Cruiser, hurtling towards a black planet. Everything was varying shades of black and red, and it was hideous.

As he saw the ground approaching, Dib looked down at the controls of the Voot. He had no idea what half of this did! With Tak's ship, he'd usually just have it pilot itself!

However, as he looked at the controls, Dib could see sense in them where he never had before. Almost instinctively, his hands flew across the controls, and he managed to pull the ship up into a hovering position. 

Looking around, Dib took stock of the situation. He was in an unknown Irken ship, and behind him, there was a... Sir unit.

"Sir Unit 4536B Operational and in Training Mode," it intoned, its eyes a deep red.

"Sure. What's going on?" Dib asked, edging away from it. 

"Training module 4c67E loaded. This is a high-level Invader Training Module. No time limit is set. Freedom will be granted upon completion."

Dib didn't like the sound of that. What had Zim done? Groaning, Dib decided to go see what was down on the planet. Maybe he could get his bearings.

As he lowered the Voot into a lower orbit, Dib began to make out a few things. First of all, the planet seemed to be inhabited by rat people. Secondly, they seemed to build their houses out of each other's bones. Eugh. How barbaric.

"Uhh. You can do information scans, right?" Dib asked the Sir unit. When it saluted and replied with an affirmative, Dib told it to scan the planet.

Apparently, this was Blorch, home of the Slaughtering Rat People. It had been conquered by an "Invader Skoodge" a couple of Earth years ago, and for the simulation was set as it was before it was conquered.

Great. Zim had put him in some weird little Invader video game. Luckily, the layout of the planet looked similar to a few of the levels from Doom Eternal. He had only played it a bit, but he'd seen Gaz play it plenty.

"Ah well. It's all a simulation, right? A glorified game. Well, if Gaz has taught me one thing, its that any good game should have a soundtrack. Computer, play the Doom Eternal soundtrack," said Dib, rocketing down to the planet's surface. 

When he landed, he had the computer set him up a base. Sure, it was all a game, but any decent game had a hub world. A level select menu, of sorts. Once he had customized the base to his liking, Dib set about doing something he'd never imagined he'd do. He plotted a planet's downfall. from his underground base, Dib could hear the rat people killing each other. He ignored it and just turned the music up louder.

After a quick look at the structure of Rat People society, Dib was glad he hadn't just charged in guns blazing. From the looks of things, they had larger groups converged in certain areas. 

Nothing so advanced as cities, of course. Merely areas where more of them were crowded than others. Looking at the map in front of him, Dib formulated a plan.

Those two weeks had been fun. Bloody, bloody fun. He could see why Gaz like her games so much. There was nothing quite like a swell of pride after defeating a particularly difficult horde of enemies.

When Miyuki had interrupted the simulation, he froze. It was incredibly jarring to go from covered in digital blood to standing in an empty room. As such, he took a minute to process what had happened.

Once he'd mentally caught up to the situation, he wriggled out of Miyuki's arms and stood on his own. He looked up to her and grinned. Miyuki looked startled, as she had been expecting Dib to be freaking out.

"I don't usually like video games, but that was really fun. I think Gaz would like it, too!" he said, bouncing up and down on his tiptoes. 

Ah, he was thinking of it as just a game. Okay. Smiling, Miyuki told him that it read his Pak to form a virtual world/ movement interface, and as such Gaz wouldn't be able to play it. However, he could come back and play again if he wanted.

As she spoke, Miyuki was internally laughing to herself. Dib would make a great invader someday.

When they reached his house, Dib ran to where Gaz was sitting on the couch and began to rave about the "game" and how fun it was. She seemed annoyed that she wouldn't be able to play it but quickly changed her tune when Dib asked if he could play along on her fighting game. After all, there was nothing she loved more than crushing her brother at Street Fighter.

As Miyuki went upstairs to see Membrane, she heard Gaz thoroughly destroying Dib at her game. Chuckling, she knocked on Membrane's door.

"Just a second!" she heard him say, before hearing him fumble around in his room. Exactly one second later, he opened the door. When he did, Miyuki saw that his usual lab coat had a flower over one of the buttons, and he had a bowtie around the collar. It looked ridiculous, but Miyuki was glad that he cared enough to try.

As Membrane led her downstairs, he told her that tonight, they would be having a family dinner at a resort restaurant on Bermuda. Since she was always busy on the Massive during dinners during the week, he wanted to make this one extra special. 

When Dib heard it was on Bermuda, he looked worried. While Miyuki was going to get Zim, he asked his dad if they could go around the Bermuda Triangle. 

"Oh, don't worry son! The latest Membrane Labs Amphibious Vehicle can weather any storm!" Membrane declared. This did nothing to assuage Dib's fears; it wasn't weather he was worried about.

When Miyuki returned, Zim in tow, Dib was distracted from his worries by the sight of Zim in civilian clothing. The baggy sweatshirt and jeans really highlighted how thin he was.

It was once they were on the open ocean heading towards Bermuda that Dib started to worry again. The sight of that strange green lightning brought back memories he'd rather keep buried. When the vehicle started to be pulled into a swirling pattern, Dib and Zim looked at each other in the eyes and screamed.

"Zim? Dib? What's the matter? The MLAV has sub-aquatic capabilities. We'll be fine," Membrane said, as he flipped a few switches on the dashboard.

"Does it have interdimensional shielding?" Zim snarked, pulling his hood over his head and drawing the drawstrings tight. As Zim slammed his head into the wall, Dib gave Miyuki, Gaz, and his dad a rundown on what had happened the last time he and Zim had come to the Bermuda triangle.

When Dib told them about how Zib had shattered multiple realities and killed trillions of Irkens across the multiverse, Miyuki cracked her knuckles.

It was only when Dib explained that by now, Zib had likely rebuilt the Zimvoid that they looked a bit worried. However, before they could say anything, there was a flash of green light, and everything went black.

When she came to, Miyuki realized her disguise holo had failed. Great. scrabbling at the door latch, she was just barely able to get it open and tumble out of the vehicle. Not surprisingly, it hadn't been designed with 12-foot-tall passengers in mind. After getting her bearings, Miyuki poked her head back inside to see how the others were doing. 

Zim and Dib were just coming to, Gaz was wide awake, and Membrane was still out cold. Sighing, she grabbed Membrane and laid him out flat on the ground, with his head slightly raised. Once this was done, she checked him for any broken bones.

Curses. His fibula was broken. He was in no condition to walk. Reaching into her Pak, Miyuki grabbed a bolt of smart-bandage. While unrolling a stretch of it, she used her Pak legs to tear a stretch of metal off of the vehicle, and used it as a splint for Membrane's leg.

Once this was done, she looked back inside to see that both Dib and Zim had come to. Dib's wig had come off, and Zim was busy removing his contacts. After checking all three of the children for broken bones or other damage, Miyuki stood up and looked around.

They had landed at the bottom of a mound of trash and scrap metal. Climbing to the top, Miyuki could see a tower in the distance, with what looked like a scrap metal city cobbled together around it.

Sliding back down, Miyuki left Gaz in charge of protecting Membrane and took Dib and Zim with her to scope out the city. The closer they got, the louder the city was. when they were about a hundred yards from the walls encircling the city, a small group of Zims ran up to them.

"A Tallest! A Tallest! A Tallest has come to us!" they shouted, before all going dead silent when they got a better look at Miyuki. Once they realized who she was, they started cheering even louder.

"We've got to take them to Number One!" one of the Zims shouted. This Zim had a metallic sheen, and way too many eyes. Another Zim with no eyes agreed with it. 

While the crowd of Zims led Miyuki, Zim, and Dib to "Number One," a few of them questioned Zim and Dib. When they found out that Dib was a Dib, they gasped.

"Good work on defeating your Dib!" one of them laughed, slapping Zim on the back. Dib tried to protest but to no avail. Zim just relished in the attention.

When they reached the tower, Miyuki subtly pulled out a retracted laser blade. Dib and Zim both readied their Pak legs. Inside, they were led to the Elite Zims, and from there Number 2 led them to Zib.

Dib was hardly surprised to see Zib was in his robot suit. After all, how could he have rebuilt his army if they knew what he was? 

"Hello, Zib. Long time no see," Dib said, walking right up to his alternate. "How do you like my new look?" he continued, leering at Zib.

"Long time no see? New look? Wait... You're that Dib who ruined everything! What are you doing here! And... What happened to you? Zib said, emerging from his robot suit. Zib was surprised that the same Dib who had so vehemently despised him for using a Pak seemed to have become Irken scum.

"Oh, wouldn't you like to know. We're just here to open another rift so we can go home," Dib replied. When Zib lunged at him, he smirked and backed away. 

Perching just out of reach on his Pak legs, Dib continued, "I won't be such an easy fight this time."

Screaming in rage, Zib tried to jump up at Dib. However, Dib just batted him away with one of the Pak legs. As he flew backward, Zib grabbed onto the top of his throne and used it as a base to jump off. Grabbing on to one of Dib's Pak legs, he began to clamber up it.

Not about to let that happen, Dib shook Zib off, withdrew his Pak legs, and activated his wings.

"Oh, that's just not fair!" Zib shouted, pointing at Dib.

"Well, I kinda had to learn how to use them, spending two weeks in a simulated Blorch," Dib replied, swooping down and lifting Zib by his jacket's collar. While Zib struggled and clawed at Dib's hands, Dib flew higher and higher.

"Let go of me!" Zib shouted, face contorted in rage.

"Okay." As Dib let go, Zib realized he really should have chosen his words more carefully.

Erstwhile, Miyuki and Zim were busy opening another rift. They didn't have time to dismantle Zib's army this time, so they just smashed the robosuit and decided to let the other Zims take it from there. 

Once the rift was open, Miyuki sprinted back to the vehicle at full speed. Arriving, she grabbed Gaz and Membrane before running back. On the way back, she was a bit slower. She didn't want to jostle Membrane's fibula. Once she was back at the tower, she also grabbed Dib and Zim before jumping through the rift. 

When all five of them came to on Membrane's back lawn, they realized that it was the middle of the night. Of course, it was. They'd missed their reservations.

Groaning, Membrane looked around. "What happened? The last thing I remember, Dib was telling us about some "Zimvoid" place."


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Membrane and Miyuki both try and fail to parent. Dib gets drunk on cheese because I headcanon that cheese makes Irkens drunk. Also, I'm going to be posting every other day, just so I can make longer chapters.

After everything that had happened that night, Dib still couldn't sleep. This was starting to annoy him. He knew he didn't need sleep, but it would still be nice to be able to just avoid life for a few hours. 

Realizing he had been pacing around his room for over three hours at this point, Dib decided to try something. Even in that weird video game, Zim had put him in, he'd never tried to see just how far he could run. He was willing to bet it was a fair bit more than before.

Pulling on some sneakers, Dib set out for a run. Before, the only time he would run was if something was chasing him. Now, he felt like doing the chasing.

Skidding to a stop, Dib realized what he had just thought. Seriously? Sure, that simulation had been fun, but it was all digital. If he could just keep telling himself that, maybe he could ignore just how inhuman he felt. 

He knew he wasn't human, not anymore, but stuff like his fight with Zib just hammered it home. And here he was, going for a run, imagining chasing someone. It made him feel sick.

Looking around, Dib realized that in only a half-hour, he had run from one side of the city to the other. Yet more proof of what he was. 

Wait, had he just hissed in annoyance? Seriously? Turning around, Dib ran home. It was only when he was back in his room that he realized something. Looking down at his bedside table, Dib realized he hadn't worn his glasses since... he couldn't even remember when he'd stopped.

He guessed it was around when Jessica and Chuck had tried to throw him off the roof of the school. As Dib went back to pacing around the room, he saw his reflection in the window.

Screaming, he punched straight through it. The glass didn't even puncture his skin. Dib went running his fingers through his hair, but they only met air.

When Membrane was jolted awake by the sound of a scream and glass breaking, he was worried. Rushing out of his room, he saw that Dib had his light on. As he opened the door, he heard Dib crying.

Not even caring that the broken glass could have cut him, Membrane went over to Dib. "Come on, son. Let's go downstairs."

Walking downstairs with Dib, Membrane realized that Dib had grown even more. At this point, Membrane had to look up to look his son in the eyes. Dib realized this at the same time. 

Membrane saw Dib's eyes glazing over moments before he collapsed onto the floor in a crying heap. "Why? Why can't anything be the same?"

Membrane tried to scoop Dib up, but he was just too tall. Instead, Membrane sat next to Dib. "I'm still here," he said, taking Dib's head in his hands and looking him in the eye. "And you're still you. You will always be Dib. You will always be my son."

"Th-thanks, Dad. I-I really needed to hear that," Dib sobbed, smiling through his tears. 

In the morning, when Gaz walked out of her room to see Dib and Membrane sitting in the hallway, silently enjoying each other's company, she didn't question it. She'd heard the scream and the glass last night, too. She just sat down with them and gave her brother a hug.

After a while, Gaz decided there had been enough moping around and sitting in the hallway. Grabbing Dib and Membrane by the wrists, she hauled them to their feet and pulled them downstairs. Sitting them both down on the couch, she popped in a superhero movie and went to make popcorn.

At the start of the movie, Dib seemed absolutely disinterested. However, around when the hero started hero-ing, he began to get a look on his face that Gaz knew all too well. He had gotten an idea.

At the end of the movie, Dib ran upstairs. Gaz could hear him pulling out all his old corkboards, pushpins, and string. However, she knew even without looking that he was planning, not theorizing. Great, just great.

Walking past Dib's room later in the day, Gaz was barely surprised to see he was gone. A note left on his table read, "Gone to Zim's to grab some stuff. Be back later." Rolling her eyes, Gaz went downstairs and booted up Mortal Combat. She needed some practice anyway before the next tournament, anyways. 

As Dib opened the door to Zim's house, he fully expected to be blasted in the face by some nasty surprise. However, it seemed that Zim was going easy on him. Quietly stepping inside, Dib saw Miyuki in the kitchen, baking away. From the looks of things, she had several different pastries going at once.

Knocking on the doorframe as he entered the kitchen, Dib walked up to the counter. It was nice that, even in her disguise, she was still taller than he was. It gave him a sense of normalcy.

"Hey, how's it going?" he asked, hopping up to sit on the counter. Laying his head against the wall, he looked up at the ceiling lights, where Gir was currently swinging around.

"Pretty well. I'd ask how you were doing, but I can already tell you've got something you want to ask me," Miyuki replied, handing him a plate with a slice of cake on it. She'd known Dib long enough at this point to be able to tell when something was bothering him.

"Well, I was wondering if Irkens had, like, swords and shields and stuff," Dib answered, watching Gir jump from one light to another. Taking a bite out of the cake, he smiled. It tasted amazing, perfectly, stunningly normal. No crazy alien flavors or colors. Just a great piece of chocolate cake.

"Oh? And what brings on this bout of inquisitiveness? Have you been watching superhero movies, by chance?" she asked, handing Dib a glass of soda. It had a bendy straw in it and fizzed away merrily.

"Wh-what!? How did you know?" Dib sputtered, setting his food and drink down and sliding off the counter.

"Gaz came over a couple of hours ago. She told me you had all watched one, and that as soon as it was over you ran to your room and began scheming. Oh, it makes me so proud! Your very first moderately-scaled plot! I remember when I was just a smeet-, Oh, but I'm rambling, aren't I? Weaponry is in the base proper, dear. Third chute to the right, ride it all the way to the bottom." As Dib thanked her, Miyuki ruffled his antennae and popped his collar. Turning him around and sending him on his way, Miyuki also made sure Dib wouldn't forget his food.

As Dib walked through the armory, he was amazed at the weaponry it held. It all seemed new, and Dib could tell a majority of it was Miyuki's; a lot of it was so large Zim wouldn't be able to lift it. As he grabbed several things, Dib marveled at all the different ways there were to destroy. Plasma blades, cannons, regular weaponry, and more.

Once his arms were full, and he was holding quite a bit more than that thanks to his Pak legs, Dib ran back to Miyuki. Dumping it on the table, Dib accidentally knocked an entire pie crust off. 

"My, you've got quite the assortment there. Maybe you should pick a couple at most, and start with those?" Miyuki said, gently removing a few of the more powerful weapons from the selection.

Eyes lighting up, Dib immediately grabbed a huge and unwieldy sword from the pile which was taller than he was. Trying to swing it around, he accidentally used it as a counterweight and launched himself facefirst onto the floor.

"Maybe not that one," he groaned, pushing himself into a sitting position. Standing back up, he grabbed what looked to just be a hilt. When he picked it up, he saw a button on the side of its triangular wristguard. When Dib pressed it, an angular plasma greatsword flickered into existence. It was ridiculously shaped, with a slot near the end. When Dib tapped the flat side of the blade, it was freezing cold.

As he swung it a few times, Dib realized just how light it was. Even with the blade on its largest setting, it felt like he was holding cardboard. Every time it flew through the air, it left a faint scent of ozone. It was so sharp it cut the air.

As Dib tested out his new sword, he saw that another thing on the table had started to glow as well. Picking it up, and pressing a button on its side, Dib realized it was a matching shield. "Cool! It's like something you'd see in a sci-fi fantasy movie!" he cried, waving his new weaponry in the air.

"Ah, Dib, please remember you are inside," said Miyuki, gracefully ducking out of the way of the sword. Dib quickly turned the sword and shield off and put them in his pocket. Apologizing, Dib began cleaning up the mess he'd made. Picking back up all the weapons, Dib began to carry them back down to the armory.

"Oh, just drop them into that tube over there. Computer likes things organized a certain way, he'll get to it," Miyuki said, as she turned to pull a tray of croissants out of the oven. Dusting her hands off onto her apron, Miyuki continued, "There! I think that should be enough sweets to last Zim the week."

"Thanks. Honestly, its been nice hanging out with you. I- I've been missing this sense of normalcy," Dib said, putting the weaponry into the tube. As soon as he closed the little door, everything inside shot away, deep into the base.

Walking into the living room, Dib chuckled. As crazy as everything had gotten, it seemed only fitting that the only scrap of normalcy was an ancient alien. Waving goodbye to Miyuki, Dib walked home. He had work to do.

Back at his room, Dib realized the legs on his pants were a bit short. Odd. Well, he'd just have to get some new clothes. Shrugging it off, he went to his laptop. Sure, he had no idea what superhero stuff entailed, on a day-to-day basis, but that was what the internet was for!

While researching online, Dib realized his signature outfit was already a great start to a superhero outfit. From the looks of things, he'd need some armoring, but the general look was pretty good.

Pulling out a pencil and his old grid paper, Dib began sketching. He wanted to keep the trenchcoat, definitely. Perhaps under it, he could have armored clothing.

Wait, wasn't Zim's clothing all armored? Maybe he could look into getting some of that fabric in a navy blue.

As Membrane walked home from the labs that evening, he was thinking about where to get clothes for Dib. At the rate he was growing, they'd need to go shopping pretty soon. Unfortunately, he was pretty clueless when it came to clothes. Usually, he just ordered himself more labcoats. Gaz got all her clothes either online and Dib just never seemed to run out of trenchcoats.

When he stepped inside and saw Dib at the kitchen table with a sewing machine and a bolt of fabric, Membrane raised an eyebrow. Walking into the kitchen, he asked Dib to clear the table for dinner.

Looking up, Dib blushed. He'd gotten so caught up in his work he'd totally lost track of time. Gathering up the half-finished trenchcoat and fabric, Dib took the sewing supplies up to his room. When he came back downstairs, he took his seat at the dinner table.

"So, son, what were you doing just now?" Membrane asked as he set Foodio to French Onion soup. 

"My clothes were getting a bit small, so I was making some new ones," Dib replied. He knew his dad wouldn't approve of vigilante work. Hopefully, he wouldn't ask too many questions.

As Foodio served dinner, Dib realized that he wasn't hungry. He was still full from the cake earlier. However, Membrane was clearly making an effort. There didn't seem to be any meat.

Taking a sip, Dib's face screwed up in disgust. The onions were fine, but there was something off about it. Still, his dad had tried to think of something he could eat, and Foodio had been really disheartened when Dib had stopped eating recently. Not wanting to upset anyone, Dib took another sip.

By the time he'd finished his first bowl, Dib was starting to feel light-headed. However, he got up to get another bowl.

"That'sh really good. What'sh it in? I mean, what's in it?" he asked. Membrane wrinkled his eyebrows. Was Dib's speech slurred?

"Mostly onions and cheese," Membrane replied. As Dib got another bowl from foodio, Membrane had the feeling this wasn't going to end well.

An hour later, Dib slammed his sixth bowl of soup down onto the table. "Foodio! Anith- Anuter- Amuth- More!"

"Dib, I don't know how, but you're drunk. Stop," Gaz deadpanned, glaring at her brother.

"Am not as think as you drunk I am- Not as drunk as you drunk I are- I'm not drunk!" Dip replied, a grin on his face. Gaz merely raised an eyebrow and switched Foodio off.

Sputtering his protests, Dib made a grab for Membrane's soup. The professor merely picked his bowl up and held it out of reach. Dib didn't seem to realize he could just stand up and grab it since he was taller than Membrane now.

"Hey, why don't we go to play cards or something!" Membrane said, dumping his soup down the drain. How had Dib gotten drunk off of soup? This really wasn't good. Was it the onions? The cheese? By science, the boy was barely fifteen.

"Yesh!" Dib cried, grabbing Gaz and pulling her into the living room. It took him a couple tries to get through the doorway without walking into the wall. Gaz just snickered.

Halfway through the first hands of cards, Dib was trying to place a card on his discard pile. However, it just refused to go where it was supposed to. 

Gaz kept looking over at Dib. His antics were more entertaining than the cards. Every time he'd try to play a card, it would end up on the other side of the table, and when he tried to retrieve it he'd end up sprawled across the floor.

What was even funnier was that Dib was trying to act sober, and failing miserably. He'd exaggerate his movements, and end up looking like a marionette missing a few strings. 

Eventually, however, Dib started going from happy drunk to sad drunk. The first sign of this was when he went from laughing hysterically at a pun he'd made himself to crying about being a failure.

Gaz got really uncomfortable when he started sobbing about how he just wanted things to go back to normal. When he started using her as an example of normal, she could feel herself cringing into next week

When Dib started ranting in Irken, Membrane didn't know what to think. Well, he thought it was Irken. For all he knew, it was just gibberish. However, as animatedly as Dib was speaking, Membrane was inclined to believe it wasn't just random.

When he saw Gaz start messing with her phone, Membrane ignored it. Instead, he got up and walked over to Dib. "N-Now son, I can't help you if I can't understand what you're saying. Could you speak a human language? I'm fluent in a majority of them."

When Dib looked at him in anguish, Membrane realized he'd messed up. As Dib started to wail and rant, even more, the professor realized he'd put his foot directly in his mouth.

"Wow, Dad, way to go. You just highlighted his biggest insecurity! Way to go!" Gaz said, sarcastically clapping.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I don't know what to do when a human gets drunk, much less an alien!" Membrane said, only making Dib even more upset. 

Realizing he had just made things even worse, Membrane started panicking. It only got worse when he realized Dib was showing signs of alcohol poisoning.

Panicking even more, Membrane ran to the kitchen. "What to do for drunkenness, what to do... cold shower? No. Food? Definitely not. Don't want to make it worse..." Membrane was distracted from his search of the kitchen by the sound of retching coming from the living room.

"Daad! Get back in here and help me get Dib to the bathroom!" he heard Gaz shout. Dashing back, Membrane saw Dib retching all over the carpet.

Membrane was glad that his gloves were acid-resistant when he saw that the vomit was burning through the carpet. Grabbing Dib's arm, Membrane hoisted his son to his feet. Helping him to the bathroom, the professor tried not to show how disgusted he was. 

In the bathroom, Dib puked again, just before reaching the toilet. Instead, it got all over the towels. "Note to self: Get new towels," Membrane whispered.

Once Dib was at the toilet, Membrane started to relax. Not for long though. Almost as soon as Membrane had started to think about what sort of cleaning tools he would need, Dib's Pak started to smoke and fizz.

For one of only three times in his life, Professor Membrane swore. Loudly. He went to grab a towel, but they had all dissolved. Running downstairs, he grabbed a waterless ice pack from his lab. Dashing back to Dib, he didn't really know how to apply it. Hoping for the best, Membrane just kinda laid the ice against the panel that was smoking.

After Membrane applied pressure, a slot in the Pak opened. It looked like some kind of filter, and it was absolutely full of gunk. In his panicked attempt to help Dib, Membrane just grabbed a wad of toilet paper and started wiping off what turned out to be burnt cheese.

However, the more he cleaned, the more cheese just oozed out of the Pak. Legitimately terrified at this point, Membrane ran downstairs and grabbed a spoon. Once back to Dib, he began shoveling the cheese out of the Pak. It seemed to have burst some sort of pipe and was gunking up the works.

Great. Not only was the cheese making Dib drunk, but it was also literally clogging his Pak. Could this get any worse?

"Gaaaz! Go get Miyuki! Now!" Membrane shouted, as loudly as he could. He was mildly relieved when he heard the front door slam a moment later. He was much more relieved when he heard it slam open again a moment later.

Thank goodness it was still the weekend. He didn't know what he would have done if Miyuki had been on the Massive. He refused to lose his son again. No matter what, he was going to make sure his children were safe.

When Miyuki burst into the bathroom a moment later, Dib was once again hunched over the toilet vomiting. Well, what was left of the toilet. When Miyuki pulled out a container of a chalk-textured substance and began pouring it on the cheese gunk, Dib went rigid. A moment later, all that was left of the cheese was smoke in the air, and Dib was lying unconscious on the floor.

Looking at the ruined bathroom, Miyuki was dumbfounded. "What did he eat?" she asked, incredulously. 

"We had French Onion Soup. I-I think it was the cheese that messed with him," Membrane replied, sighing. "I don't even know what to do anymore. I know he's been having trouble because he just wants a sense of normalcy. But when I sit us down to have a family dinner, even when I plan explicitly to avoid foods that could hurt him, things like this happen."

"If you want, I could set Dib up for a ration of Irken foods, like Zim. Other than that, basic pastries, sugars, and carbohydrates, mostly," Miyuki said, rubbing her temples. By Irk, how many things on this planet could kill an Irken? If Membrane didn't live here and Zim hadn't gotten attached to it, she would have vaporized it by now.

"That would be great. I'm just at my wits end. If a food doesn't just melt his mouth, it gets him randomly drunk. I'm tired of playing this guessing game," Membrane said, his voice cracking. He had to take off his goggles for a moment because tears were pooling in them.

When Dib woke up the next day, for a moment he forgot everything that had happened. For a single, blissful moment, he just lay there. For a few quiet minutes, he was just Dib, the human paranormal investigator, still slightly drowsy from a good night's sleep.

Then reality set in. The past months rushed back to him. It was honestly worse than experiencing it in real-time. One moment he was falling, he felt the wind rushing through his hair, he felt his glasses- *his glasses*- falling from his face. The next moment, he was pounding on the glass, suspended within a translucent goop. The next, he was nearly killing his classmates. With each memory that returned, his head hurt worse. Within seconds, Dib was almost completely immobilized by the pain.

What was worse was his Pak. Every bit of his pounding headache was doubled in his Pak. It felt like you could fry an egg on it. Rolling out of bed, Dib stumbled down the hallway.

A note on the counter read, "Miyuki said that the best thing for your hangover will be hot sugar water. I've left some heavily filtered water in a jug by the stove. Love, Dad," Sighing blearily, Dib walked over to the stove.

Sure enough, the water was safe. Dib tested it by taking a gulp out of the jug. Even if it had melted his insides, it couldn't hurt worse than this blasted headache. Under the jug was another note.

"By the way, I called the school. You're fine to just stay home today." Heh. Thanks, Dad, Dib thought, as he poured some of the water into a pot and set it to boil. Pouring in a large amount of sugar, Dib set about making a simple syrup. There was still half a bag of sugar left once what was needed was added to the pot. Dib put it away for later.

Once the syrup had boiled down, Dib poured it in a mug. When he took a sip, he expected it to be sickeningly sweet, but it tasted good. He wanted to throw it against the wall.

Stomping into the living room, Dib flopped onto the couch. After a while, he'd get back to sewing, but for now, he just wanted to sit. Sit and forget everything, even if only for a moment.

He hated the headache, but he hated the fact that drinking simple syrup was helping even more. Dib would have gladly dealt with the headache if he could just go back and fix everything. Looking at the mug, Dib realized it was empty. Rubbing his eyes, he stood up and walked upstairs. 

In his room, Dib pulled out the sewing machine. His new trenchcoat was almost done. Sure, it was sloppily made, but it was better than being way too short. After a couple of hours' work, it was done. Dib then set about working on the pants. These he managed to finish much quicker since they were a lot simpler.

Gathering his new outfit in his arms, Dib walked down to his father's lab and dumped them in the replicator. Membrane didn't know he knew how to use it, but he'd taught himself. There was a reason he and Gaz had always worn copies of the same outfit back when his dad was always at work.

When Dib saw his reflection in the metal, he gritted his teeth. If he could get away with it, he'd paint everything in the house in matte paint. Instead, he'd just thrown a blanket over anything reflective in his bedroom.

While the machine spat out copies of his new outfit, Dib pulled out his new sword and shield. Luckily, these weren't reflective. They simply glowed.

Once all his new clothes were done, Dib folded them and went back upstairs. After all his clothes were put away, Dib went back downstairs and made more of his "tea". He didn't want to, but he knew Gaz would raise hell if he didn't drink all of it. As Dib entered the living room this time, he realized the flooring was messed up.

"What happened here?" he asked, speaking to no one in particular. However, in the pit of his stomach. Well, he supposed it was more accurate to say "In the pit of his spooch" now, but that was just pedantic. He knew what had happened. Still, until he was told exactly what had happened, he could pretend it hadn't.

The next day, as Dib walked into school, he could feel everyone staring at him. He knew his dad had warned everyone about a "glitch in the re-cloning process," but it obviously hadn't sunken in. He could feel their whispers, their judgment, their suspicion on his shoulders. He knew there was no way they would ever guess the truth, but his anxieties refused to listen.

His wig weighed heavily on his scalp, just that much more proof of everything he had lost. Everything he had thrown away. His contacts scratched and itched, but at least he could bear to see his face reflected in the lockers.

"Hey, beanpole! How's the weather up there?" he heard someone shout. Of course they'd noticed. Why wouldn't they? He was near twice the height he had been on Friday. Well, 1.35x the height, to be exact.

Turning around, Dib decided something. If he wasn't human, and they'd hated him even when he was... He might as well not be bullied anymore. Letting his lips creep into the too-wide grin he had seen on too many Irkens, and allowing his eyes to widen far past the point any human's could, Dib just smiled at Torque Smackey. Smiled and tilted his head slightly.

"Try me. I'm really in the mood to let off some steam." Dib heard himself say the words, but they didn't feel like his. They were something he'd never have said, not... Not before.

But then again, he wasn't before, was he? He wasn't who he was. And not just on some sappy, emotional wounds level.. There was that, but even physically. Damn, biologically he wasn't who, or even what he was before.

As Torque backed down for once, Dib turned on his heel and walked down the hall. His hands were clenched into fists, but even that just served as another reminder of everything that had happened. Walking into his homeroom, Dib realized he was even taller than Mrs. Bitters. At least, he was until she noticed. Then she just seemed to expand until she once again dwarfed him.

Taking his seat, Dib's knees jutted out to either side of the desk. He was glad this was happening now, and not in elementary or even middle school. If it had happened then, he wouldn't even be able to fit in the desk.

As Zim entered the classroom at the last possible second, he simply pushed the student sitting closest to the door out of their seat and sat down. Folding his hands on the desk, Zim adopted his usual position of staring at the wall directly in front of him. Once he was sure he looked just as bored as all his classmates, he began to plot. 

After all, something simply must be done to impede the Dib's growth. Sure, Zim had achieved a growth spurt as well, but he was still much shorter than Dib-Stink. This just would not do! After all, if Dib ever went to the Armada, Zim would be outranked! 

Perhaps a shrink-ray? No, too high of a risk of Dib being shrunk to the point of creating a black hole. Sure, Vortian Shrink-Rays shrunk things, but they didn't seem to have an off button.

Groaning internally, Zim sat there thinking for the rest of the class. Once the bell rang, he was the first out of his seat. Darting out the door, Zim climbed into the air vents to sit and wait for the next class to begin. It was quieter, and he didn't have to deal with the crowds. However, he could barely fit. If he ended up having to actually walk through the hallways, that would be the one downside to getting taller.

Just before the bell rang again, Zim dropped from the ceiling and walked into his next class. This one actually entertained him. It was world history, and he loved laughing at the primitive human battle strategies. However, one thing that would occasionally disturb him was how inefficient the humans would be with their cruelty. He felt nothing for the lives lost, but he got pissed at how wasteful human war was. They were all human, all pretty much the same thing. It was a strategic oversight to divide themselves, plain and simple.

The only other class of the day Zim would enjoy was P.E. He loved displaying his athletic prowess. He especially enjoyed dodgeball, as he could just threaten his team and have a small army at his control. He'd quickly polarized his peers; they either wanted him on their team because the team he was on would always win, or they'd hate having him because they wanted to play as a whole made up of individuals.


	11. Vacation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You might have noticed the tags updated! I decided I wanted Membrane to propose to Miy- I mean, I have valid reasons for wanting the family to take a vacation, and decided Gravity Falls would be fun.

When Dib got home that afternoon, he realized the top of his wig brushed against the doorframe. Groaning, Dib was tempted to go grab a saw. However, that would require him admitting it had happened. Instead, he went to sit on the couch.

"Oh, son! I've retrofitted all the plumbing in the house with a new design of filter! It should now be totally safe for you to drink and shower normally!" he heard his father say. Smiling, Dib ran into the kitchen to give Membrane a hug.

"Thanks!" he shouted, as he turned on the kitchen sink and stuck his head in the water. It felt great. Running upstairs, Dib jumped into the shower. The hot water felt amazing. Sure, the soap stung a bit, but who cared? He sure didn't.

Stepping out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, Dib felt cleaner than he had in weeks. Sure, that chalk stuff Miyuki had given him kept away the stink, but he felt gritty after using it like he'd rolled around in sand. Now, however, he felt completely clean.

Back in his room, Dib quickly put on his clothes. He needed to go practice with his new weapons before family time. While running out the door, Dib saw Miyuki waiting in her yard, spear in hand. As soon as he stepped across the border between their yards, the blade flashed past the side of his head. Grinning, he "unsheathed" the sword, the gentle flickering of its candle-like blade casting a blue sheen.

"Have at thee!" he shouted, sidestepping another jab. Taking advantage of the split second in which Miyuki's weight was shifted, Dib clicked the shield off to avoid air resistance, swung it towards her back, and flicked it back on at the last possible moment. 

However, despite how hard he swung it, Miyuki barely budged. Of course! Because her disguise compressed her, she was currently fighting with twice the stability she was used to! Sure, she didn't have access to a full range of movement, but she more than made up for that by being as solid as a rock.

"Great move, Dib. However, you must remember to take into account any advantages your opponent may have," Miyuki said, backflipping away. While Dib was distracted watching her, he didn't notice that the spear was missing from her hand.

He sure noticed when it came flashing out of the sky and landed between his feet, blade down. "And also remember to be watchful of their movements," Miyuki continued.

After their initial sparring, Dib went through several of the basic forms and patterns. Each time his movements were off, Miyuki would correct him. Even though this was only his second day of practice and yesterday he'd been hungover, Dib caught on very quickly. While Dib just thought he was naturally talented with weaponry, Miyuki congratulated herself on her Pak engineering. After all, look how happy Dib was to be able to swordfight!

However, midway through one of the patterns, he heard someone coming near. Looking up in fear, Dib realized he didn't have his disguise on. He hadn't bothered because all the neighbors hadn't bee home, but now it sounded like someone was coming by. Pulling his shield up over his face, Dib inched his way towards the door. Once inside his home, he ran upstairs, grabbed his wig and contacts, and went back outside.

"That was too close," Dib told Miyuki. He meant it. From now on, they'd have to do their training sessions inside the base. He didn't want to risk his wig coming off in the middle of a sparring match.

After that, it was time for Dib to go inside anyway. Gaz and his father were sitting down to eat, and while he wasn't hungry, he wanted to enjoy family time. As he waved goodbye, the hard-light hologram Miyuki had been using to visit flickered out. Turning to run inside, Dib was glad she had managed to get it working. He was also glad the limits of its scanners let him mess with the start of the fight by skirting around the lawn, much like he used to do with the laser gnomes.

Walking into the kitchen, Dib noticed that there were three plates set out. "I ate yesterday, remember?" he said, taking his seat. Plus, he didn't want to risk eating at all.

"This is some Irken food that Miyuki said would be more like a cup of coffee than a real meal," Membrane replied, as he poured Dib a bowl of what looked like breakfast cereal, and then added what appeared to be a blue liquid. Lowering his head to get a good whiff of the food, Dib realized it actually smelt good. Grabbing a spoon and taking a large bite, Dib was amazed. Besides the *literal sugar water* he'd drunk yesterday to deal with his hangover, this was the first thing he'd had in a while to taste good.

"Eugh, I can't believe your eating that, it smells awful," Gaz remarked, wrinkling her nose. Dib felt his heart plummet. Of course, it tasted good; it was Irken food. Pushing it away, Dib just laid his head on the table.

"Gaz! Apologize to your brother!" Membrane reprimanded, before continuing, "Now, Dib. You know Gaz has only ever liked soda and bacon. You can't trust her sense of smell."

Smiling at his father's effort, Dib raised his head. He didn't make a move to grab the bowl again, but when his father placed it back in front of him, he continued eating.

During dinner, Membrane rambled on about taking a vacation over fall break. He wanted to go to this small town on the west coast over the break and go camping. When Dib heard the name of the town, he jumped out of his seat.

"Gravity Falls?! That's a paranormal investigator's dream!" Dib shouted, slamming his hands onto the table. Running upstairs, Dib looked at his calendar. For the rest of the grading period, Dib would rocket out the front doors of the school at top speed. His excitement was contagious, and by the time break rolled around, even Gaz was looking forward to it. A tiny bit. And if anyone had said anything to that effect, she'd have bashed in their kneecaps.

As Dib paced around the house that morning, he was tempted to go over to Zim's place to see if he was ready yet. However, he knew he wouldn't be; Miyuki wouldn't be there until 8 am.

As soon as it was a reasonable hour, Dib ran upstairs and pounded on Membrane and Gaz's doors. As soon as he was sure his family was awake, he literally jumped out the window to run over to Zim's base. As soon as he was sure Miyuki was there, Dib ran back to his house and grabbed his bags.

Dib was incredibly bored just sitting in the Voot MK II for an hour. He knew it was his own fault for refusing to get out of it, but he didn't want to risk causing a delay. So, he would deal with the boredom while he waited for everyone else to get ready.

Once they were on the road, so to speak, Dib's boundless excitement quickly returned. This quickly annoyed both Zim and Gaz, and the back seats quickly devolved into a three-way fistfight.

When they got close enough to Gravity Falls that they had to transition to road travel to avoid suspicion, Dib practically squealed. His antennae were twitching rapidly, and his Pak was whirring loudly. While they pulled up in front of where they'd be staying, Dib was the first one out of the Voot. 

Taking in his surroundings, it took all of Dib's self-control not to run off into the woods right away to start looking for cryptids. As he looked up at the building they'd be staying in, Dib's excitement faded slightly. It was a tourist trap. One "Mystery Shack (Now with B+B)". Great.

Barely remembering to put on his wig before stepping inside, Dib burst into the main area. Inside, there were three people. Two of them were around his age and appeared to be twins. The girl wore a humongous pink sweater with a shooting star on the front, and the boy had a puffy vest, glasses very similar to Dib's old ones, and a baseball cap with a pine tree on the front.

The other one was an older guy with cracked glasses. He had greying hair and a tan trenchcoat. The older guy and the boy twin were hunched over some kind of journal, and the girl was sitting on the floor by a pig, knitting a sweater.

As Dib looked around, Membrane walked in as well. "Stanford! We're here!" he called, before spotting the older man and walking over. Dib realized that must be Stanford.

"Call me Ford, please. I know its been a while, but we're still friends," he said, walking out from behind the counter. "Now, have you met my great-niece-and-nephew? This is Dipper and Mabel.

"Hi! I'm Mabel! What's your shirt size I'll knit you a sweater!" the girl practically shouted. Mabel seemed full of boundless energy. Her brother must be Dipper.

"Wait, are you... green?" Dipper asked, walking towards Dib. 

"Uh... Yeah. Its a, uh, skin condition." Dib was nervous; this kid was almost as perceptive as he was. However, Dib was quickly distracted when he saw what was on the open page of the journal.

Walking over to the counter to get a closer look, Dib realized that it was what appeared to be a field guide to the supernatural. Ford noticed the attention he was giving it and picked it up to show Dib the front cover. "This is the journal Dipper and I use to document the strange happenings in Gravity Falls. Your father refuses to pay it any heed, but I find it quite fascinating."

"Well, recently, he's had some... hard evidence presented to him," Dib said, grimacing. Ford wondered what had happened, but was distracted when Stanley walked into the room. Ford introduced him to Miyuki, Dib, Zim, Membrane, and Gaz. At first, when Ford introduced Membrane as an old science friend, Stan looked disinterested. However, when Ford mentioned that Membrane was a world-renowned scientist, and was very rich, Dib could practically see the dollar signs in Stan's eyes.

"Soos! Get in here! We've got customers!" he shouted, as he began to push Membrane towards the tour start. Membrane just looked confused.

"Stan, was it? Well, we're not customers. We're here at the invitation fo your brother." As soon as Membrane finished speaking, Stan's wide grin faded and turned into a grimace.

"Are you sure you wouldn't be interested in a few trinkets from the gift shop?" he asked, giving it one last shot. When Membrane shook his head, the grey-haired man completely lost interest and walked back to the living room to watch TV.

Zim, however, charged right up to him and demanded to be given the full tour. Stan's face lit up when he recognized an easy mark. Despite Ford protesting not to scam a guest, Stanley just smiled and began leading Zim on the tour.

"Now, Dib. Ford told me this would be the down season, and that there aren't any guests. He's also an old friend of mine, and I trust him. You don't have to if you're not comfortable, but you probably won't ne-" Membrane was cut off by Dib saying he was fine. He watched his son grab his bags and ask Ford what room they were staying in.

"What was that about?" Dipper asked, keen to gather whatever information he could about the tall, green-skinned boy. 

"It's nothing. If he wants to, he'll talk about it," Membrane replied, grabbing his bags as well. Walking upstairs, he heard Mabel and Gaz playing with the pig. Such polar opposites and they both thought pigs were adorable.

Looking at the list of who would be in what room, Membrane realized he and Miyuki would be sharing a room. Ah well, they were dating, and he had told Ford so. Besides, they would have separate beds, there was no reason to be flustered.

As he opened the door, Membrane realized there was every reason to be flustered. Instead of two twin-sized beds, there was one king-sized bed. Putting away his stuff, Membrane decided to deal with that problem when it came time to do so. 

The next day, Dib was getting ready to set out into the forest and look for paranormal creatures. However, he couldn't find his briefcase. When he came downstairs, he found Dipper winding some sort of wire around the handle, before tieing it into a bow. Once it was tied, it disappeared in a technicolor flash.

"What was that?" he asked, marching over to his briefcase and snatching it up.

"Unicorn hair! It's a protection of sorts, I heard you were going out in the woods and figured you should have some sort of protection," Dipper replied, putting his hands up. Dib didn't have time to run a scan on his briefcase, so he just grabbed a couple of things out of it and walked out the door.

"Wait! If you're not going to take it, I should come with you. These woods can be pretty dangerous," Dipper said, running after Dib. Dib knew he would likely be able to take on whatever he came across, it would also be nice to have someone familiar with the area.

Out in the woods, Dipper and Dip ended up walking a ways away from each other when Dipper spotted what looked like a fake metal tree and walked a ways away. Getting closer, he realized it was the same one that had opened the hatch containing the journal. 

Meanwhile, Dib stumbled across a strange-looking statue. It was triangular and wore a top hat. In the center of what must have been its face was a single wide eye, with a catlike slit for a pupil. It "wore" a bowtie and tophat. Its strangest feature was that it had one arm outstretched, almost like it wanted a handshake.

"Hey, Dipper! Come look at this weird statue!" Dib shouted, walking closer to it. As he got closer, his Pak started whirring into overdrive. Dib wondered what was wrong, but shrugged it off. There was probably just a ghost in the area.

"A statue? Wait..." Dipper realized what Dib must be talking about, and started running towards him. "Don't shake its-" Dipper tripped on a tree root, and hit his head on a rock. Pulling himself back to his feet, Dipper entered the clearing just in time to see the worst possible thing happening.

Dib was shaking the Bill statue's hand. "Hey, Dipper, look at this stupid thing!" Dib said, looking over his shoulder. However, as he moved to step away, Dib realized his hand was stuck to the statue. Trying again to yank his hand away, Dib was startled when the open hand of the statue closed around his.

The stone started to crack, showing beams of golden light. Dib and Dipper both heard a strange, echoing laughter. All Dipper could think about was that summer, three years ago. When the statue's hand erupted in blue flame, Dib yelped in fright.

The flame crept up Dib's arm, and a fierce wind kicked up around the statue. Using his other hand to reach up and hold his wig onto his head, Dib fell backward when the hand let go. The wind became even more powerful as the statue began to float into the air.

The winds became so powerful that a tree snapped, and Dipper had to jump back to avoid being crushed. Crawling through the branches, Dipper felt himself freeze in place as everything went gay, except for Dib... and the statue.

"Bill," he said, before freezing completely in place. Still, he watched as the statue of his greatest enemy shattered, revealing a yellow triangle within.

"Holy heck I survived that punch!" Bill shouted, kicking his feet out in front of himself. Looking at his hand, he seemed mildly disappointed. "Well, it looks like I'm not physical anymore. Oh well."

"What are you?" Dib asked, getting to his feet. As he spoke, Bill turned to look at him. The triangle snapped its fingers, summoning its signature hat, bowtie, and cane, before floating down towards Dib.

"Well, I'd say your worst nightmare, but that's already come to pass, hasn't it?" the triangle said, whipping the wind up even more. Dib felt his wig slipping out of his grasp. 

Dipper watched as Dib's hair -which he now realized was a wig- flew off his scalp. It revealed two antennae. As soon as the wig was gone, the wind died. Its last gust hit Dib in the face and somehow managed to dislodge his contact lenses.

"Ha! Protector of Earth my eye! You couldn't even protect your humanity!" Bill taunted, floating in a circle around Dib. Snarling, Dib pulled out his sword and lunged at Bill. However, the plasma blade passed right through the dream demon. Landing facing Dipper, Dib's eyes were visible. Dipper saw that they were honey-colored, without sclera or pupils. His teeth, bared in a snarl, fit together like a zipper. He really wasn't human.

Taking advantage of Dib's stumble, Bill flew at him. Dipper watched as the demon just... disappeared. Standing up, Dib began to laugh. 'i can't believe I survived that!" he said, as color returned to everything.

Running up to him, Dipper grabbed Dib's face to check his eyes. Sure they were yellow, but they already had been. Dipper was relieved to see there were no pupil slits. "Oh, good, he didn't possess you," Dipper said, running his hands through his har.

What Dipper didn't notice was that "Dib's" antennae had twisted to form a triangular shape, and his teeth had formed into the iconic smile of anyone possessed by Bill.

As they walked back to the Mystery Shack to tell everyone Bill was loose, Dipper noticed that Dib was acting weird. He kept walking into trees and then laughing. At one point, he seemed to be having a conversation with someone who Dipper couldn't see.

As they got closer to the Mystery Shack, Dib seemed increasingly more agitated. While his smile stayed constant, he kept seeming like he was batting someone away, calling someone "eyeball." He said it with the same tone Bill would call Dipper "Pine Tree," Or Ford "Sixer."

Bursting into the Mystery Shack, Dipper ran over to Ford. "Grunkle Ford! Bill's loose!" he shouted, pointing out towards the woods. "Dib" stayed out of sight out on the porch.

"That's... not good. Luckily, we sealed the Rift after Weirdmaggedon, so he won't be able to achieve true physical form. Although, I hate to think wha-" Ford was cut off by "Dib" bursting in.

"Oh, Sixer. Really? You sealed my portal? That's just not fair!" he whined, before bursting out in laughter.

"Wait, what? But your eyes, they don't have the slits!" Dipper cried, pointing at "Dib."

"Nor do they have pupils at all. Oh, the benefits of possessing an alien. It was just so hilarious to see you utterly fail to notice that I had replaced your new friend, Pine Tree," Bill said, walking over to Ford. However, halfway there, he collapsed onto the ground.

"Noo. N-No! I stole this body fair and sQUAre!" he shouted, his voice garbling and wavering. It sounded like radio interference.

He seemed to flicker, and the Pak legs shot out of the Pak. They jabbed into the ground and began to shake and toss Dib's body wildly.

"*** **_ GeT 0ut oF mY h3Ad!***" _ ** The Pak itself seemed to scream, in Dib's voice. It was also garbled and broken. However, its next line was much clearer.

**_ "***After EverYthinG I've been thr0ugh, everything 1've dealt with. FrOm alm0st killing someone, to dyINg and losing my H-H-Hum_anity, you think I will just let you walk all over me? You may have stolen my body, but you forgot about my Pak!***" _ **

With a great ripping sound, Bill's form seemed to bleed out of Dib. Although Dib collapsed into unconsciousness, he had won. However, Bill had not wholly lost. He had learned three things. Firstly, regaining his physical form would not be as easy as he had thought. Secondly, don't try to possess an Irken. Thirdly, he needed to get out of here, and fast.

As Membrane and Miyuki had been walking outside, enjoying each other's company, they had heard the shouts. They had just burst inside when they saw Bill rip from Dib. Miyuki didn't know what had happened, but she knew that that triangle had hurt one of hers.

No one hurt those she cared for and got away with it. However, before she could try to blast him, he began to flicker and laugh.

"Remember, Reality is an illusion, that lady is a hologram, buy gold Byeeee!" he shouted, before disappearing in a blue blaze.

Marching up to Ford, Miyuki grabbed him by the collar and lifted him into the air. "What happened. To. My. Son."

"H-He should be fine! I don't know how, but he must have gotten possessed by that demon, Bill! That thing on his back must have provided enough of a foothold that his consciousness was able to push Bill's out. What *is* it?" Ford stammered, genuinely scared of this seven-foot-tall buff woman. He had fought demons, fiends, and all sorts of paranormal and otherwise nasties during his time lost in the multiverse. One thing he had learned, though, was to not mess with a protective mother.

"None of your concern," Miyuki growled, dropping Ford. Running over to Dib, she sat on the floor next to where Membrane had Dib wrapped in a hug. Opening Dib's Pak, Miyuki ran a full diagnostic. Luckily, everything came back normal, and Dib would be fine. Right now, his Pak had just put him into a low-power consumption resting state so it could set everything back to rights.

Meanwhile, Dipper was standing in the corner, not really knowing what to do. He walked over to Ford and started asking how they were going to stop Bill this time.

"I don't know, Dipper. Luckily, because of Weirdmaggedon, everyone in town will know not to make a deal with Bill. I guess we're just going to have to find a way to banish him back to the nightmare dimension," Ford said. He tousled Dipper's hair, much to the boy's annoyance.


	12. A date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Its time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comments are welcome, and enjoyed!

"So let me get this straight," said Ford, crossing, uncrossing, and then recrossing his hands on the table. "And correct me if I'm wrong."

"So, your girlfriend is an alien dictator, is actually twelve feet tall, and commands a massive galactic empire. Your son died, and she saved him by turning his brain into pure energy and downloading it into one of her species' super computer-life support things, and because of this, when Bill pushed Dib's consciousness out, it just retreated into the Pak temporarily?" Ford rambled, thinking about just how crazy this was.

"That about sums up everything that we wouldn't rather keep private, yes," Membrane replied, ducking his head down to hide further in the collar of his lab coat.

"And you still haven't apologized for cutting contact with me because I refused to say that aliens didn't exist," Ford finished, sitting back in his chair and pulling out his journal to begin furiously documenting everything he had learned about these "Irkens."

While Membrane sat there in embarrassed silence, Ford continued writing. Once he had taken note of everything he knew up to that point, he simply got up and left, heading to his lab to look for ways to force Bill back into the nightmare realm. "When you decide to apologize, I'll be down in my lab."

Almost as soon as Ford was out of sight, Miyuki started glaring daggers at him. However, Membrane put one hand on her shoulder to calm her down before she did something he'd regret.

Gathering his courage, Membrane followed Ford. After what had happened to Dib, Membrane couldn't afford to be stubborn. In the lab, Membrane was surprised by how massive it was, as well as by the ruins of what must once have been a massive structure, a feat of technological engineering. But now wasn't the time for that.

"Ford, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for ignoring your research. I'm sorry for getting your funding pulled. I'm sorry I drove you away. I know now that if I had just listened to you, who knows where the world would be today? And even if your research hadn't massively impacted the world for the better, at least Dib wouldn't have- At least Dib- Things would still be better," Membrane said, casting his gaze at the ground.

"At least Dib wouldn't have *what*, membrane? What happened to that boy?!" Ford said, realizing he had never heard what killed Dib. If Dib's death had been at the hands of some paranormal creature because Membrane hadn't been there to protect him, because the boy had felt the need to prove himself to his father, then Membrane was in for it.

'I- no. I don't want to talk about it," Membrane muttered, crossing his left arm over his chest to grab his right. Although they were the same height, in that moment, Membrane felt about two inches tall. After all, he had failed as a parent. It was due to his negligence that Dib was left alone when he was feeling so lost. It was his fault that Dib had been left to his own devices that day.

Beyond even that, if Membrane had been even a little more supportive of his son's interests, then Dib would never have felt the need to protect Membrane from the paranormal, would never have...

"Ahhahahaha!" Both men jumped at the echoing laughter that resonated throughout the lab. "Oh, Goggles! Scared to say that it was your fault your son killed himself? That it was your negligence that caused Eyeball to feel that there was no other option but to kill himself? Why that was the most entertaining thing to happen since Weirdmaggedon! seriously, Sixer, wait to get mad while I go get some popcorn!" they heard Bill say, but the triangular demon didn't make an appearance beyond his voice.

Forgetting his fear of Bill for a moment, Ford turned on Membrane. "Membrane, *please* tell me that was just another one of Bill's lies," Ford said, hoping that it wasn't true.

"I-I-" Membrane couldn't even speak. He was just crying, tears filling his goggles. How dare that triangle treat this all as some big game? How dare it treat his greatest failure as a ting of entertainment? Anyone who took pleasure in that sort of thing was sick.

"Get. Out. NOW!" screamed Ford, pointing at the exit to the lab. His face was beetroot red, and he was quivering with rage. As soon as the professor had left, Ford walked over to a walkie-talkie on one of the paper-covered counters. "Dipper, get down here. I need some help figuring out a way to stop Cipher." After all, the sooner Cipher was gone, the sooner Membrane would leave.

Meanwhile, Dib was in bed, starting to wake up. Sitting up and stretching, he felt a weight at the end of the bed. Opening his eyes, Dib saw a large pig sleeping at the foot of his bed. 

"Okay, not even the weirdest thing that's happened to me while I've been here," he said, standing up. As he went to walk out of the room, he bumped his head on the top of the doorframe. Looking down, he realized that he must have grown again, because his pants were, once again, too short. They only went down to a few inches above his ankles. His shirt looked more like a crop top as well.

"Oh, come on! I just made these!" he groaned, turning around and going back into his room. It was a good thing he'd given them wide hems just in case of a situation like this. He'd just have to let them out a bit.

Dib felt dead tired. It was the first time since he'd been turned into an Irken that he did. He was so tired, in fact, that he'd completely forgotten to put on his disguise.

As Dib yawned and entered the kitchen, his antennae drooped against his head. When he saw that the coffeepot was mostly full, he stopped to think. Now, there was every chance that it would literally just kill him. However, there was also the chance that it would work normally. 

Not really caring, either way, Dib grabbed the coffeepot and poured himself a mug. When he turned around to sit down, he saw a tall redhead wearing flannel standing in the door. She looked mildly confused before shrugging and opening the fridge.

"You must be Wendy. Hi, I'm Dib," he said, sitting down and knocking back the entire mug of coffee in one gulp. Looking at the mug, Dib knew he should not have done that, but he didn't care.

"Hey," Wendy replied, sitting down as well. She knew she should probably make sure this alien was actually supposed to be here, but, well, she didn't really care. She was on break.

"Y'know, I probably shouldn't have drunk that. I have no idea what sort of effect it'll have," Dib commented, before getting up and pouring himself another mug. "But I'm tired, and there's a chance it'll just work normally."

"Man, if that isn't just me daily. I'm honestly surprised I haven't been fired. I do just enough to scrape by," Wendy said, cracking open her soda.

As Dib sat there, waiting for the coffee to kick in, he realized something. It was entirely possible to be restless and hyper and still dead tired. Great. "I swear, if I get my hands on that triangle, I'm going to vaporize him," Dib groaned, putting down his mug.

"Wait, Triangle? Don't tell me Bill's back," Wendy groaned, standing up. "Hang on, I gotta go tell my family to spread the word around town. Knowing Stanford, he'll probably try to keep this on the down-low. However, some new people have moved in since the last time Bill was around, and I don't want them getting caught unawares."

"Yeah, I really wish somebody had told me about the sentient statue in the middle of the woods. Seriously, I thought it was some sort of treasure hunt mascot or something. Y'know, like it was maybe a statue of a villain from a TV show, and the creators of the show organized a scavenger hunt or something after the series finale?" Dib replied, before getting up to head back upstairs. He had decided to just spend the day in bed.

As she passed Soos on her way out the door, Wendy considered telling him that one of the guests was an alien, but decided against it. After all, it wasn't her job, and she had more important things to do. Namely, make sure nobody accidentally caused the apocalypse.

That evening, Membrane and Miyuki were out for a walk. Membrane was still mad at himself, and the old wounds Ford had unintentionally opened were still sore, but Membrane had planned this whole trip with one thing in mind.

Holding the small, velvet box in his pocket, Membrane thought about all the ways this could go wrong. What if he tripped, and lost the ring? What if Miyuki said no? What if-

Membrane was interrupted from his thoughts when he realized they were nearing the end of the path. Running a little bit ahead, he turned and swept out one arm, and with a flourish, revealed the clifftop picnic he had prepared. The sun was just beginning to set, its rays gently cresting over the treetops. As far as the eye could see, it was green. Trees stretched to the horizon, where they met with the cotton-candy pinks and flaming oranges of the sunset. Tonight was perfect.

Membrane had made sure to only pack things Miyuki would be able to eat. As such, their "dinner" was more dessert. It consisted mainly of different kinds of sweets, with a few types of fresh fruit as well.

"Oh, Fess, its beautiful," Miyuki gasped, sitting down on the picnic blanket. As Membrane began pulling doughnuts, cake, apples, and more out of the basket placed in the center, she thought back to everything that had made her fall in love with this man.

Sure, his grace and mental capabilities showed him to be a superior specimen of human life, but there was more than that. It was the fact that he was so finicky about his tea, and the way he had created a particle rearrangement device, given it a pun for a name, and then used it to prepare food for his children. It was the way on the day of his son's funeral, he still put others ahead of himself. There were a million different things, a million different reasons.

As they ate, Membrane and Miyuki watched the sun setting. By the time the stars were all out and the sky had turned a deep indigo, Membrane was sitting partially in Miyuki's lap, and Miyuki was resting her head on the top of Membrane's, her arms wrapped around him.

As they sat there, something at the bottom of the cliff caught Miyuki's eye. Gently moving the love of her life off of her lap, Miyuki activated her Pak legs and quickly scurried down the cliff. Reaching the bottom, she ran a few feet away from the cliff face and grabbed something, before scaling the wall again. Membrane wondered what she was grabbing; maybe one of the candy wrappers from earlier had been blown away by a breeze? 

When Miyuki reached the top of the cliff, Membrane realized she was holding a beautiful flower in her hand. When she held it out to him, he marveled at the delicate way its golden petals spread apart, and the sweet scent it gave off. "For the man who has managed to warm my heart," she said, weaving it into his hair before pulling him back into her lap.

Moving to stand up, Membrane pulled the box out of his pocket. Tilting her head, Miyuki wondered what he was doing. She wasn't entirely familiar with human customs, but she could feel the weight this moment held. Her eyes catching on the box he held, Miyuki realized it had the Membrane Labs logo on the tops, as well as a diamond.

"Miyuki of Irk, in the time I have known you, much has happened. However, as I have known you, I have fallen deeply in love. Will you give me the greatest gift of all, and be my wife?" he asked, down on one knee. Miyuki had heard of this. It was a formal bonding, very similar to Irken Acs'zuha - Mate Marks. The fact that no two Irkens had bonded in this way for centuries did not bother Miyuki. Leaping into Membrane's arms, and accidentally knocking him over, she only said five words.

"Nothing would make me happier."

They sat on that clifftop for the rest of the night. Eventually, Membrane fell asleep, resting his head on Miyuki's chest plate, but Miyuki stayed awake throughout the night. She ran her hand through Membrane's hair and used a lazer in her Pak to vaporize any mosquitos that came close. Using her other hand to catch a firefly, one of the last of the season, she marveled at how such a small creature gave off so much light. As it crawled across her gauntlet and onto her green skin, Miyuki thought about the years ahead of her and smiled.

In the morning, as Membrane woke up, he smelled roasting vegetables, as well as... was that bacon? As he cleaned his goggles, Membrane realized that Miyuki was sitting a few feet away roasting some sort of bright blue bacon and colorful greens on a pan over a fire.

"Good morning. I hope you don't mind, but I ran to the Voot earlier to grab some of the food I had brought. I think these should be safe for you, even though they're Irken foods," Miyuki said, smiling gently.

As he ate, Membrane enjoyed the alien cuisine. They tasted oddly normal, the vegetables were almost like a mix between spinach and bell peppers. The "bacon" tasted like a sweet version of its Earthen counterpart.

"Thank you for the food," Membrane said after he finished eating. It had been genuinely good, and he was touched that Miyuki had wanted him to be able to try some of her home cuisines.


	13. Fight! Fight! Fight!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bill Cipher gets his Teeth Kicked In after Membrane gets some Trauma

"I think Dib would really like this. He's always sad whenever Gaz has bacon and it smells awful to him, this would just make his day!" said Membrane, as he ate the food Miyuki had prepared. 

"Has it been bothering him that much? I should have sent some of this over sooner, then," Miyuki replied. After she and Membrane were finished eating, they decided to go on a hike before heading back to the Mystery Shack.

As they were walking, Miyuki activated her disguise so she could be eye-level with her fiance. Walking side-by-side, they enjoyed each other's company. However, after around a half-hour of walking, Miyuki seemed to walk into something. Placing her hand out in front of her, she realized there was some kind of forcefield. However, it hadn't seemed to affect Membrane.

"What is this?" she asked herself, running her hands across the mysterious forcefield. Deactivating her disguise, Miyuki reached as high as she could, going onto the tips of her Pak legs, to see if it was merely a wall. It seemed to curve inwards, almost like a bubble.

"Let's... let's go ask Ford," Membrane suggested, even though he knew Ford wouldn't want to talk to him. 

As they walked into the Mystery Shack, Membrane and Miyuki were instantly bombarded by Mable gushing over how cool Miyuki looked without her disguise module. Seeing that Miyuki would have her hands full for the next few minutes, Membrane went ahead downstairs to speak to Ford.

"What are you doing down here?" Ford asked as soon as Membrane stepped out of the elevator.

"Miyuki and I were out for a hike, and there was some form of forcefield that she couldn't pass. Would you mind coming and taking a look at it?" Membrane replied, staying back. Dipper looked confused by the sudden hostility. Ford must not have told him. The membrane was glad Ford was respecting his privacy.

"I didn't think that would affect her since she doesn't originate in Gravity Falls. Of course, neither does Bill... Anyway, its the bubble that keeps all the weird stuff in Gravity Falls. She's stuck here," Ford explained, "at least until we send Bill back to the nightmare dimension. He is an incredibly large source of weird, so without him here the barrier should be weaker."

"But she has an empire to run!" Membrane cried, gesturing upwards. 

"A what? Wait, is your girlfriend some sort of space empress? You told me she was an alien, but seriously? That's so cool!" Dipper cried, running towards Membrane. Notepad in hand, Dipper passed Membrane and went upstairs to start questioning Miyuki.

"Is there no way to just let her out?" Membrane asked, walking over to Ford.

"Oh sure, if you're fine with letting Bill out. Everything was just fine until you came to Gravity Falls."

"If you had just told us to avoid that statue, none of this would have happened!"

"Can you blame me for having trust issues where you're involved, Membrane?" Ford asked, glaring at Membrane out of the corner of his eye.

"That was years ago! Besides, you were chasing what we all thought were fantasies! Of course I was going to pull funding!" Membrane shouted, stomping to the far side of the lab.

"The same fantasies that when you ignored them, led to your son killing himself?"

"Low blow, Stanford."

"Not as low as Dib was at the end of that fall," Ford snarked, whishing Membrane would just leave the lab.

"You're going too far."

"Not as far as Dib could have gone if he hadn't killed himself," Ford said. He knew he was going too far, but he was beyond caring. In that moment, all he could think about was how like Dipper Dib was. Even when Membrane ran from the lab holding back tears, Ford felt nothing but anger.

" **_ My, my, Sixer! What a performance! Truly, great job! _ ** "

Turning around, Ford grasped for the ray gun he kept on his desk at all times. "Cipher! Show yourself!"

" **_ Oh, but of course! _ ** " Bill said as he appeared in a burst of blue flame, as all color drained from the room. " **_ Why, at this point, you're nearly as crazy as I am! Ahahahaha! _ ** "

"How dare you! We are nothing alike!" Ford shouted, fumbling with the weapon. If his calculations were correct, this would be able to defeat Cipher, even though the triangle wasn't physically manifested.

" **_ Y'know, it is nice having a foothold in the material realm. I mean, really, it's amazing! I should possess aliens with supercomputers on their backs more often! _ ** " Bill shouted, cackling evilly.

"What are you saying, Cipher?" Ford asked, worried.

" **_ Ahahaha! That cockroach's "Pak" only forcefully took control of the extremities! The organic brain is still mine! I'm just waiting for the right moment to strike, such as when Eyeball's little supercomputer goes into rest mode. Race ya down the stairs!" _ ** Bill said, disappearing. As soon as Ford processed what the triangle had said, he ran towards the elevator. It refused to open.

Membrane just wanted to see his son. He was hurting, what Ford said opened old wounds. Hopefully seeing Dib would help.

As he walked up the stairs, Membrane thought about how Dib would react to being stuck in Gravity Falls. It probably wouldn't be pretty. Still, as long as they were together as a family, things would be fine. As long as Membrane still had his kids, things would be fine.

Opening Dib's eyes, Bill took a look around the room. Standing up, it took Bill a moment to get used to legs. He could see flashing warnings in the corner of his vision, and the "Pak" was electrocuting him, but toher than that it was unresponsive. Perfect. 

As Bill went to walk out of the room, he realized how awful the clothes he was wearing were. They were hideous! Who wore trenchcoats anymore? And blue was just such a dull accent color.

He'd just have to pick up some new clothes. Perhaps a suit. Although, he did always like the irony of wearing robes and a cassock.

As he went to leave the room, Dib's father knocked on the door. It gave Bill a great idea. Membrane would probably have some leftover trauma from seeing his son go splat.

" _ Hi, dad. Hey, I was just going to go cloud-watching on the roof. Would you like to join me?" _ Bill asked, doing his best to mimic Dib's voice.

"Of course, son. I wanted to talk to you anyway," Membrane replied. This was the first time in months that Dib had asked to speak to him without prompting. Membrane was overjoyed.

Bill just laughed internally at the pathetic human. It was so easy to get his hopes up. This meatsack he was wearing wouldn't be the only one falling soon; Membrane's mental state would as well.

Once on the roof, Bill sat for a while, putting on an excellent performance of the "emotionally drained teenager." Once he decided Membrane had been lulled into being comfortable, Bill set the next phase of his plan in motion. This was going to be great; physical pain and causing emotional trauma? What wasn't there to love?

" _ Well, I've got stuff to do. Race ya to the bottom floor! _ ' he said, standing up.

"Okay! The last one down the stairs is a- I believe the term is a rotten egg? Actually, you know what, the last one down the stairs is a non-Euclidian solid!" Membrane said, glad to be interacting with his son in a positive manner.

" _ Who said anything about stairs? Ahahaha _ !" Bill laughed, standing facing Membrane, arms crossed over his chest. Dib's taste in clothes may be awful, but Bill loved being able to look down on people. As he began to tilt backward, he relished in Membrane's screams. They were music to his ears.

Once he hit the ground, Bill was disappointed that he hadn't broken anything. Looking up, he saw Membrane's distraught face peering over the edge of the roof. This certainly lifted Bill's spirits. 

Congratulating himself on his pun, Bill stood up and began to run towards Gravity Falls proper. He just had to find some new clothes.

Dib could see everything that cursed triangle was doing, yet he had no control over his own limbs. He could hear his Pak screaming, hear its internal parts whirring into overdrive. He could feel the ground hit his back, sending him spiraling back to that day.

** Syst3m 0verDrive_ManU4l InItiated. Preparing___3_2_1 **

Dib felt the electricity rush through his limbs. He wanted to scream, but the only sound his vocal cords would make was that foul demons laugh. He wanted to cry and rage, but the demon merely taunted him.

** Get 0ut_Of MY heAD!  ** Dib screamed, his voice just echoing around the Pak. He felt confined, crushed into the small space. At the same time, he could feel the ground pounding beneath his feet, beneath the feet that he had no control over anymore.

" _ Oh, Eyeball. Why would I? It's so nice to have a physical form. Especially since I can do this! _ " Bill taunted, cackling. Dib felt his legs change direction, running down an embankment.

** Nonono! No! Stupid legs! STOP! ** Dib struggled to bring his legs to a stop. However, they kept running. Running right towards a lake in the distance. Dib watched the trees flash by, going faster than he had ever run before. He could feel his Pak struggling to maintain his body as Bill ran it harder than it could handle, pumping his legs until the very muscles shredded, running so hard that it was all the Pak could do to keep them from dissolving. He had no time to try to kick Bill out, he could barely keep himself intact.

Dib felt his feet pound over the wood dock. He felt himself flying through the air, his limbs involuntarily tucking into cannonball formation. Then he felt himself stop.

Dib realized that while Cipher had taken his body, the triangle had no hold over his Pak. He still had control of his Pak limbs and had instinctively used them to halt himself midair by grabbing onto the dock. 

Moving himself back into the woods using his Pak, Dib tilted his body upwards so that Cipher would have no way of running anyway. What he wasn't counting on was Bill reaching around, grabbing the bladed edge of his Pak leg, and pulling. Cipher used this to turn and grab the Pak itself.

' _ If you're going to be that way, I'll just get rid of you. Its a shame, I was having sooo~ much fun! Ahahahaha!" _ Bill laughed, before slipping /i/b'/ his fingers under the edges of the Pak, and pulling.

It was agony. The pain was worse than when he had fallen. Dib tried to scream, but once again, he couldn't. Suddenly, everything was dark. He had been disconnected from his eyes; something had come loose. Dib felt as, one by one, all of his senses lost connection. He lost all sense of time. He sat there, on the damp forest floor, in a pool of his own blood, for days. If anyone had walked past, they would have thought he was just a lump of scrap metal, but the entire time, he was conscious. Conscious and silently screaming.

After a while, Dib began to hear static. The static slowly dissolved into audible noise. He could make out the sounds of birdsong, the rustle of leaves in the wind. A moment after, he began to see, but not in a way that he had ever seen before. It was less sight, more feeling everything around him. He saw only in a magenta monochrome, but he could see. What freaked him out, even more, was that it was 360 degrees. 

He saw as one of the panels on his Pak opened. He saw as a faint glow began to emanate from it, and he watched as a hologram of himself flickered into existence. It seemed to be hard light, and he could move. All of a sudden, Dib's sight snapped in line with the hologram's eyes. His senses aligned, and everything was coherent. He could smell weakness and see heat.

He had only one thought; to destroy that which had hurt him. In that moment, Dib was more Irken than he had ever been. In that moment, he only thought of protecting, and of destroying, and of how best to do that. In the corner of his vision, he saw a million different ways to accomplish this task. Deciding on one, Dib began to run, the blue hologram which was acting as his body shrinking as his Pak legs provided locomotion. Dib was out for blood.

Bill was silently stalking a clergyman, waiting for the perfect time to steal his robes, when he heard something behind him, moving at insane speeds. Looking back, he saw what looked like a glowing, blue, holographic Dib. Shit, this meatbag was fragile! He didn't want to lose it!

From what he had seen, this "Dib" was incredibly sentimental, and wouldn't want to traumatize his  _ beloved family. _ Cackling, Bill began to run towards the Mystery Shack. He barely managed to outpace Dib. Several times on the way, Bill had to duck and weave to avoid a Pak leg or hologram claw.

Breaking through the woods and into the clearing surrounding the Mystery Shack, Bill saw everyone sitting on the front deck. Membrane was crying; Bill laughed.

_ "Help! Help! My Pak is after me!" _ he shouted, waving at everyone on the deck. His feet- because at this point Eyeball wasn't getting them back- pounded across the ground, only managing a few steps into the clearing before Dib burst through the trees.

" ** Get back here you triangular fiend! If you won't give my body back, I'll take it!" ** Dib shouted, his Pak amplifying his voice. Blood was already splattered across his face, both from Bill and whoever had gotten in his way while he was chasing the demon. If that triangle wouldn't give his body back, then no-one would have it.

_ "I don't know what you're talking about! I'm the real Dib, I like science!" _ Bill shouted. Both the kid's parents did science stuff, so it made sense that the kid would also like science; Bill congratulated himself on his flawless logic.

"Dib," said Professor membrane, causing both Bill (In DIb's body) and Dib to look at him, "Kill that triangular, and pardon my language, sunnofabitch."

Crap. Bill knew he wouldn't be getting any help. Whirling around to face his adversary, Cipher raised his arms, ready to fight. When Dib lunged at him, he leapt backwards, executing a perfect backflip. However, he did not have the reaction time to avoid getting skewered by the follow-up attack.

Bill looked down at the metal impaling his chest, raising him up above the ground. The holo-Dib was taller; nearly three quarters the height of Miyuki. He was tall, thin, and dangerous; the perfect image of an Irken Elite. All hard angles, height, and bloodlust. Bill watched as, with a fire in his eyes, holo-Dib grasped Bill's head in his hands.. and squeezed. Bill's head popped like a grape. The triangle fled from the corpse, but before he could disappear, he felt himself be cored like an apple. But how? He was incorporeal.

Looking back, he saw that the tall one- Miyuki, was it?- had some sort of ray gun at the end of a Pak leg, and it was still smoking. "That's what you get for hurting my son," she said, before Bill once again turned to stone and fell to the ground.

The battle was won; the demon defeated. Yet as Dib watched the triangle fall, he felt only fear. Fear at what he had just done; fear at what he was capable of; fear of the fact he liked it. Fear of the grin he felt on his face.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaz gets exploded.

As Dib stood in the clearing in front of the Mystery Shack, his vision started to glitch. Raising his hand to his face, Dib realized his holo-body was stuttering and fading. "Dad!" He called out, his voice a garbled mess of static before everything went dark once again.

As Dib's Pak fell to the ground, his Pak legs landing in a limp, jumbled mess, Membrane ran over. Scooping up his son's Pak, he was careful to hold it away from himself so his tears wouldn't fall onto it. Falling to his knees, he spoke. "Not again. I can't lose you  _ again, _ Dib. Please."

When he felt Miyuki's hand on his shoulder, Membrane handed the Pak to her. She turned on her heel to look at Stanford. "If I can't get out of here, If I can't get Dib's Pak to the Armada for repairs, If I can't  _ fix this mess,  _ I will atomize this town until there is nothing for the weird bubble to form around."

As she spoke, she gently folded the Pak legs back into Dib's Pak. Once she was done, she chirped something in Irken. Zim's antennae perked up, and he ran off to go grab the Voot. As he did so, Miyuki helped Membrane to his feet and handed Dib's Pak back to him. "Gaz, come on. We're going to the Armada."

As Gaz walked towards where Zim had landed the Voot, she passed Bill's remnants. His stone hand was once again reaching out, as if for a handshake. Lifting her foot, she brought it down on the arm again and again, until it shattered off of the statue. She could have sworn she heard a scream. Smiling, she picked up the arm by its shoulder and swung it into the statue until it was naught but dust, and the statue was irreparably damaged. Each time it made contact, she heard more screams.

As Gaz continued walking to the Voot, she heard someone running up behind her. "Gaz! Wait! I only had time to finish this one, but here's a sweater. The others are still half-done, but here's yours. Where should I send the rest once they're done?" Mabel said, her grin wobbling, and her eyes welling with tears. The poor girl was trying to upkeep her cheery personality, but she had just watched someone die. That would dampen anyone's mood.

"Thank you. Just send the others to Membrane Labs, I'll pick them up from there. And Mabel?" Gaz said, looking the other girl in the eye, "You don't always have to smile. It is okay to be upset."

As Mabel started really crying, Gaz didn't know what to do. Sure, she could offer words of advice, but she didn't know what to do beyond that. When Dipper walked up to Mabel and hugged her, Gaz sighed in relief. Turning around, she ran the rest of the way to the Voot. "Let's just go fix Dib."

A few hours later, the Irkens working the docking bay were surprised to see Tallest Miyuki was back from her vacation early. As they scrambled to prepare the docking bay for her arrival. "The Tallest is back early!" one of the Tallers shouted into an intercom.

As the Voot pulled in, there were two ways the Irkens reacted. The young ones who only had memories of Red and Purple's reign lined up at attention, terrified of their Tallest. The older ones who remembered the last time Miyuki had been in power just made sure everything was set up and then went back to work, completely ignoring her aside from a basic salute.

As Miyuki stepped out of the Voot, she walked past everyone and went straight to the Pak Technician district of the Massive. She briefed them on the situation and gave them their standing orders. Ensure that there was no lasting damage done to the Pak, and if there was, fix it. 

Once the technicians were busy running diagnostics, Miyuki boarded one of the between-ship trams and rode to the Smeetery Ship. There, she took one of the cloning tubes and took it back to the Massive proper. Setting it up in her lab, she began replicating Dib from a splatter of blood that was on his trenchcoat. With this done, it had still only been around an hour. Being given automatic priority on everything had its perks.

Heading back to where she had left her family in the Docking Bay, she arrived to find Zim running amuck among the mechanics. "Zim! Stop what you are doing!" she shouted, and he very quickly settled down. Membrane was still in the Voot, but Gaz had apparently gone out for a joyride in one of the smaller crafts, saying something about not passing up a chance to one-up full-dive VR.

A few hours later, Miyuki was sitting in her lab running some calculations when she received a notice that she was needed on the bridge. Apparently, it was urgent. Sighing, she set down her holoscreen and began walking to the bridge. As she was walking, the entire ship shuddered, and she heard a deafening creaking sound, followed by booms. Breaking into a run, Miyuki wondered what was going on.

Arriving at the bridge, it was quickly apparent that the Armada's flight path had brought it into occupied territory. Some xenophobic species that, when the Navigators had attempted to establish contact, had called themselves the "@3$% you, you don't get to know our name." Great, a war was just what she needed to blow off some steam.

"A fighter craft was recently taken out on a joyride; bring it and its pilot back to the Massive  **_ now, _ ** unharmed," Miyuki said, walking to her primary control panel. With the flick of a wrist, she had her battlescreen up. This would be fun.

Within a few minutes, Gaz was walking onto the bridge. Upon noticing, Miyuki engaged her in conversation. "How would you like to fight in an intergalactic war?"

"Sounds fun. But what's in it for me?"

"Your own fighter ship, to be customized and used as you please."

"Well then, I have no reason  _ not _ to fight, do I?" Gaz said, grinning. She had planned on forcing her way into the ranks anyway, but this was just amazing.

After all, it wasn't every day you got to blow up space stations, not every day you got to destroy planets. This would be even better than video games because it would all be *real*.

Once the battle plans were prepared, Miyuki went to go see Membrane. Entering her quarters, Miyuki saw that Membrane was sitting at the dining table, his feet nowhere near reaching the floor from his position in the chair.

"Miyuki, what was all that commotion earlier?" he asked, looking worried.

"Oh, just a group of troublemakers. We are currently at war, so please do be careful," Miyuki replied, grimacing. Seeing that Membrane just looked more worried, Miyuki quickly assured him it would just be a few small skirmishes, and likely would be over by the time Dib was done being repaired.

"It still feels odd to hear about my son being "repaired" like a piece of machinery. If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have to be," Membrane said, resting his head on the table. His hair scythe drooped, falling limp over his head.

"Oh, honey," Miyuki said, pulling Membrane into her arms. Scooping him up, she carried him to a sofa and sat him there. Walking to her bed, she pulled off one of her blankets, brought it back over, and wrapped him in it. The entire time, Membrane was blushing furiously.

Once Membrane was comfortable, Miyuki walked over to her kitchenette and brewed him some Irken tea. Sitting down beside him, Miyuki handed Membrane the teacup.

"I don't know why you're trying to comfort me. I deserve to just sit and think about what I've done," Membrane said, reluctantly sipping the tea. It was somehow minty and spicy at the same time.

"While we were on Earth I downloaded some movies, so shut up and be happy," Miyuki replied, pulling Membrane into her lap, blanket and all. Arms wrapped around him, she rested her head on top of his. The war could wait.

A day later, Gaz was flying towards the enemy homeworld, piloting a fighter craft rather similar to a Voot, called a "Zoot." She was around the middle of the formation. The Irkens she had been assigned to fight with had been rather confused when a non-Irken was put with their group. When Gaz promptly beat the crap out of their battle commander, they decided it was best not to question it.

However, galactic battles weren't as fun as Gaz had thought they'd be. So far, it had mostly consisted of putting the ship on autopilot and waiting to arrive at their destination. Not exactly the most exciting stuff. There wasn't even very much room for Gaz to get up and stretch her legs. The only reason there was any at all was that Miyuki had made sure to have Gaz's ship outfitted with a restroom. Well, it was more of a storage closet that had had a toilet and sink put in it, but it worked well enough.

Finally, though, it looked like she would get to do some actual fighting. Quickly donning the spacesuit Miyuki had made her bring in case the hull ruptured, Gaz prepared for a real dogfight. This would be even better than any game.

When the first lasers shot past, Gaz realized that this would be even  _ easier _ than she'd thought. She was used to every-direction, no reload, bullet hell dogfights. These idiots might as well be hanging out their airlocks with bolt-action rifles! Seriously, she could have wiped them out with one hand behind her back.

Quickly assessing the situation, she realized that her teammates had gone into some over-complicated flight pattern, all swirls and swoops. "What the hell are you guys doing?" she asked into her mic.

"Standard battle procedures," came the reply. Some especially tall Irken who seemed to full of himself to realize all that fancy footwork was just putting his troops in more danger.

"Who's standard?" Gaz asked.

"Mine. Amazing isn't it, hu-"

"Alright, then. Tell me, Commander Smeetbrain, how  _ exactly _ is it beneficial for your troops to be blasted apart?" Gaz snarled, quite fed up with this bureaucratic nonsense.

"Well, they're just drones, and I'm sitting pretty on the Massive, so I don't very much care," the Taller replied.

"What sort of chuckleduck wastes resources like that? Its an extreme oversight! The next battle will be twice as hard because of this!" Gaz shouted, practically screaming into her mic.

"One who's about to be reassigned. This is my last day at this particular posting, and my replacement is a Smaller. As such, it is just rather fun to put them at a disadvantage."

Gritting her teeth, Gaz pulled away from the battle enough to have the safety to properly tear this commander a new one. "Alright, do you want  _ me _ to tell the Tallest you were intentionally wasting resources, or will you?" Gaz threatened, getting ready to go full rage mode on this idiot.

"Oh? Is that dissent I hear? Well, isn't it nice that I have the ability to remotely destruct any ship under my command," the Irken Commander replied.

"For your own safety, I recommend you don't do that," Gaz said. When she saw a self-destruct message appear on her dashboard, she simply groaned. When, a few seconds later, she was floating in the void of space, only saved by the spacesuit Miyuki had made her bring, Gaz was annoyed. Bloody hell, the idiot couldn't even kill her right. If she'd actually  _ died _ , she could have gotten turned into an Irken like Dib did. instead, she had to deal with the fact that both her legs were probably paste right now, and her right arm was in shreds. Great. Gaz was  _ not _ looking forward to when the shock wore off.

When she felt herself being pulled into another ship and rocketing away, Gaz decided to just take a nap. The pain would be a problem for Future Gaz.

When Gaz came to in the medical ward of the Massive, the first thing she noticed was that her legs and arm were gone. Welp. She'd say that commander would be dead when she got her hands on him, but it seems it would be more accurate to say "when she got hands."

Craning her neck to try to get a better view of the damage, Gaz realized it wasn't just her legs that were gone. Her entire bottom half was, from the waist down. Irkens had better have some amazing prosthetics.

Her parents- ugh, it was still weird to think about having two parents instead of just her dad- must have been alerted to the fact that she was awake by her movement.

"Gaz! You're awake! I should never have let you go out to battle," Miyuki said, running over from her seat by the door.

"With all due respect, I would have snuck off anyway," Gaz replied, "Just please tell me that idiot isn't dead yet. I want to make him pay."

After she finished speaking, Gaz realized that the pain was setting in. Great. Just great. What could possibly make her look more pathetic than laying in a hospital bed missing three of her limbs? Oh, right. All that but also tears running down her cheeks.

Before she could start crying, though, Gaz realized that everything was starting to feel foggy. "Is it really wise to put her on Irken painkillers?" she heard her father ask.

"It is either this or digitize her and put her in a Pak. I'm sure you'd prefer she remains human." Before Gaz could protest that getting digitized was what  _ she _ preferred, she felt herself drifting off into unconsciousness.

When next she awoke, Gaz was sitting as upright as she physically could, what with her missing bottom half and all. In front of her was a set of prosthetics. There were an arm and a lower-body. Where they would meet skin, they seemed to bubble. Gaz realized they must be nanotech. Eh, this wouldn't be too bad, then. She was still getting some pretty cool upgrades.

Sitting across the room was the same commander who had blown up her ship. The Irken was a shell of his former self. One of his antennae was mangled, and the other was completely gone, with only a frayed stump in its place. One of his ocular implants was missing, and the other was sparking like crazy. In general, he just looked haggard.

"Gaz, your prosthetics are ready, and you're about as healed as you can get. Would you like to try them on?" she heard her father asking. He sounded tired like he hadn't slept in days. To be fair, he probably hadn't. 

"Yeah, I would. Man, whatever you had me on must be pretty amazing because I don't feel out of it at all. I remember right after you lost your arms, you were completely loopy for weeks."

Her father coughed a bit, clearly embarrassed. "Well, Miyuki added quite a few upgrades to these and said that the best way to try them out would be in a sparring match. So, uh, before he's taken to be deactivated, she wants you to spar with this... fellow," he replied.

Shrugging as best she could, Gaz let herself be put into the prosthetics. She had to stifle a scream because they hurt like hell going on. She could feel the nanobots integrating into her nervous system, and it was not fun.

A couple of hours later, when she was capable of standing, Gaz realized that these new legs were a bit longer than her old ones. Probably just more weapons storage that way. "Well, Commander chuckleduck, are you ready to go? I barely remember anything since you blew up my ship, and honestly don't give a shit. I'm just ticked, and want to test out these new limbs."

"Please, I didn't know you knew the Tallest! I thought you were just some random insolent brat, not an important brat!" the taller shouted, picking up his weapon. He was off-balance because his antennae were messed up, but he wouldn't go down without a fight. When Gaz showed no sign of giving quarter, he ran towards her, spear in hand.

He was quickly flipped onto his stomach, and his Pak was removed. "Gee, it's almost like you shouldn't fuck with me," Gaz said, tossing his Pak back at him before walking back over to her dad. He needed some sleep, so she walked him back to his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The drabbles I've put in a series with this fic are canon! Can you guess who that Taller's replacement is?


	15. Trial By Combat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are appreciated! Especially when they're critiques or specific things you liked, since those help me improve!

When she knocked on the door, Gaz was unsurprised that Miyuki wasn't there. She was probably either at her lab checking on Dib's progress or at the bridge commanding the Armada. Walking in, she let Membrane just walk over to the bed and lay down. Once she was sure that he would actually be going to sleep, and not just run off to the lab to work on something or other, Gaz left.

Getting to the living quarters she had been assigned, Gaz was miffed when she saw that it had no place for her to play games. Hell, even if there was, she probably wouldn't be able to use it. Stupid Irkens and their stupid Pak-dependent tech. Well, at least her luggage was here.

Pulling her GameSlave out of one of her bags, Gaz realized it was out fo battery. Of course, it was. Gritting her teeth, she began looking through her bags for one of the spare battery packs. Once she found one, she plugged her device into it and left it to charge.

Surprisingly, she really didn't remember much of what had happened after that self-destruct message appeared on the dashboard. Gaz knew that one of three options was to blame. Either she was subconsciously repressing the memories and would likely have a mental breakdown at some point, she was so deeply in shock right after the explosion that she didn't remember it, or Irken painkillers were way stronger than Earth ones.

Honestly, it was all so foggy that if not for the fact that three-quarters of her limbs were now metallic, she might think it had all been a dream. Sighing, she decided to change out of the hospital gown-like clothes she was currently wearing and into something more normal. Once she had on one of her usual t-shirts and a pair of shorts, Gaz decided to take a walk around the ship.

It was odd. Gaz was making no conscious effort to be sneaky, nor did she notice any change in her gait from before she lost her legs, but she was now almost completely silent while walking. This became evident when, several times, she walked up behind someone and they didn't hear her coming.

Even when she took a shortcut from one level to another by hopping over some railings onto a lower platform, she barely made a sound. The only way she made any noise at all was if she purposefully stomped her feet. Well, it would certainly make it a lot easier to sneak out of the house to go to midnight game releases.

Eventually, Gaz came across some sort of mess hall. There were, in fact, two of them. One of them looked really dingy and gross, and from what Gaz could see it only had weird bad-smelling foods. The other one had a "You must be this tall to enter" sign beside it, and the interior looked really nice. 

Not particularly caring that she in no way reached the required height for the nicer mess hall, Gaz went in anyway. She went along the buffet-style food stations and got a plateful of something that looked similar to pizza, a donut, and some sort of alien snow-cone.

When she sat down to eat, she found that most of it tasted relatively similar to its Earth counterpart. The pizza didn't taste cheesy, but it was pretty good. Gaz was just about to eat her donut when she felt a tap on her shoulder.

"This mess hall is for Tallers only. Both mess halls are only for Irkens," said a relatively tall guard. Looking at his nametag, Gaz realized his name was Ech.

"Well, Ech, if you've got a problem you've got two options. Three, actually, but the third one is less fun. Firstly, I can beat the crap out of you and then finish eating. This would be really fun, and is honestly the one I hope you choose," Gaz said, enjoying the look of fury appearing on the guard's face.

"Secondly, you can leave me alone. I like this option because I can finish eating," Gaz continued.

"Ha! Like I'd do that! And what is this third option?" Ech smirked, thinking about how long this whelp would spend ina cell.

"Thirdly, you can take me to the Tallest, and see what she has to say. From the looks of things, you're probably tall enough to get an audience," Gaz finished, taking a bite out of her donut. Huh, it tasted like citrus.

"Y'know, let's go with the third option," the guard said, snatching the donut out of her hand. Raising an eyebrow, Gaz decided it would be fun to watch this idiot humiliate himself. Because of this, she let herself be led towards the bridge. Seriously, though, she didn't know how this idiot hadn't heard about how the humans on board were not to be messed with.

When the guard tried and failed to toss her to the ground, it took everything Gaz had not to burst out laughing. Miyuki had barely had a second to figure out what was going on, but she already looked ticked.

"Gaz, would you mind telling me what's going on?" Miyuki asked.

"Wait, my Tallest, do you know this inferior lifeform?" the guard asked, taking a step forward.

"I wasn't talking to you. Gaz, please explain," Miyuki said, glaring at the guard.

"Well, this Taller took issue with the fact that I was eating lunch in the Taller Mess Hall," Gaz said, raising an eyebrow and lifting her hands slightly to point out the cuffs. "As such, and because of the way he refused to back down and insulted me, I would like to request trial by combat."

Clasping her hands together, Miyuki smiled. "Oh, I'm so proud! Your first trial by combat! Guard Ech, you have no choice in the matter, you will fight my daughter," Miyuki said, smiling.

"What is a daughter?" Ech asked, looking very confused.

"I think the best description is a smeet you are fons of and have decided to protect," Miyuki replied. Wait, protect? At that moment, Ech realized how badly he'd messed up. Sure, from the sounds of it the human was a smeet and therefore would be an easy fight, but he was still doomed afterward.

"Wait, my Tallest, I meant no disrespect! I had no idea this lower lifeform was under your protection! Please, I beg you, I'll do anything to make it up to you!" he begged, getting down on his knees.

"Then beg and perish!" Miyuki and Gaz said at the same time, before bursting out laughing. With the swipe of a Pak leg, Miyuki broke the cuffs restraining Gaz and had the unfortunate guard dragged away to wait for the combat.

As Ech sat in the holding room waiting for the combat to start, he thought about what weapon to choose. Honestly, hi Paklegs would probably suffice; they were sharp, and the human was only a smeet.

Deciding to just use his Pak legs, Ech set down the two blades he had been trying to decide between and just walked over to the platform to signify he was ready. He wasn't worried about the fight, he was worried about what Miyuki would do to him after he wiped the floor with her pet human.

As the platform began to rise, he wondered what weapon the human would be using. Probably some sort of club, based on the build of the thing. After all, it was just so... short. Honestly, he felt kinda bad for what he was about to do to it.

When he saw the human smeet, Ech realized it wasn't holding the sort of primitive weaponry he expected, but it was still primitive. It seemed to be some manner of a hydraulic gun, but he couldn't tell what it launched. All he saw was the hydraulic bits. From the looks of things, it almost seemed like it would launch the liquid. This seemed more likely when he realized it was connected by a hose to a tank the girl was wearing on her back.

In a sheath at her waist was a Let'Kia, a variety of knife usually used for mercy killings. Ech would have been concerned by this if he had taken a single moment to realize that the human standing in front of him may be a threat.

As Gaz looked at the Irken across the arena from her, she realized he was weaponless. He must have some twisted idea that he wouldn't need one. Smiling a smile that looked more like a snarl, Gaz waited for the starting bell to ring, and began running towards her opponent. She just needed to get in range.

The idiot didn't seem to be retreating, but that suited Gaz just as well. Once she was within range, she let loose with a spray of water. She was really glad Miyuki had brought too much water from Earth, and that there had been a surplus. Honestly, Gaz could have jury-rigged some sort of larger tank, but she didn't think she'd need it. Besides, she liked having mobility.

When the water made contact with Ech's skin, he let out a scream. Gaz watched as his arm began to smoke and bubble. 

"What is that horrible acid?" she heard him ask.

"Hydrogen Dioxide. Also known as water. However, this particular tank of it is from Earth and is so polluted as to be toxic to Irkens. Humans, however, are hardy enough to drink the stuff, and use it for leisure. I'm currently using a child's toy to torment you."

From the looks of things, Ech was realizing just how deep of a hole he had dug himself. Wishing once again that she had the mobility of a Pak, Gaz began running towards him, spraying wave after wave of water from her gun. His Pak legs sliced across her a few times, but she managed to block most of them with her metal arm. Only one of them even made contact with her skin, and even then it was a shallow blow.

By the time Gaz was out of water, Ech was lying in a smoking heap in the center of the arena. Walking up to him, she asked him a simple question.

"Will you end this or should I?" she asked, unsheathing her knife and moving it towards his Pak.

"P-Please, no. I surrender. You are the victor," Ech gasped, his voice hoarse and wheezing. For the rest of his life he would bear the scars of this battle, and yet his opponents wound would be entirely gone in a matter of weeks. He was a failure.

"Well, I'd say that your first trial by combat was rather a success," Miyuki chuckled, walking into the arena. "In fact, it was so entertaining that next time, I might have it arranged to happen in one of the arenas with spectator seating!"

"Sure. I think you should have someone take that guy to the med bay, though," Gaz replied, pointing back at the half-melted Irken behind her.

"You're probably right."


	16. Zim0centric Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zim gets the spotliht!

Running through the hallways of the Massive, Zim heard the group of guards clamoring behind him. How dare they chase him? He was Zim! Sure, he stole a few snacks from a Taller, but still! Especially with how much he had grown recently, a whole two feet!

Running around a corner, Zim used his Pak legs to boost himself into a vent shaft. The guards didn't even think to check the vents, they just ran by further down the corridor! Ha! Victory for Zim!

Sitting down on the shiny metal of the interior of the vent, Zim opened the bag of chips. They were spicy, his favorite kind. 

When he was around halfway through the bag of chips, Zim realized that Dib-stink might want some when he wakes up. Closing the bag, Zim walked through the vents towards Miyuki's lab. He could just hide them somewhere nearby to give to Dib once he woke up.

On the way, Zim stumbled upon a group of smeets. They looked barely out of the hatchery. In fact, if Zim was correct, then they were currently directly over the phase 1 training quarters. 

When they saw him, they started running in the opposite direction, obviously scared of him. As they should be, he was the Amazing Zim! Still, it would be fun to teach these smeets a few of the tricks he used back when he was their size.

Running up behind them, Zim used his Pak legs to pick them up. "Please, sir! We won't leave our quarters again! We- We  _ totally _ weren't trying to figure out where to steal snacks from!" one of them shouted, his antennae quivering and tears of fear running down his face. All four of the smeets looked terrified.

"Eh? I was about to show you a few tricks! Things I used back when I was a smeet!" Zim shouted, putting the smeets down.

"O-Oh. I'm Kad, that's Lu, a-and those two are Gror and Grul," the smallest one said. 

"Well, since you were already looking for snacks, follow me! There's a loosely guarded snack pantry along the way I was going anyway!" Zim said, grinning. He hadn't filched from the pantries in ages; this would be fun! 

A ways down the vents, the smeets started to relax. The two bulkiest ones, Gror and Grul, even engaged in a good-natured fight. It reminded Zim of how when he was a smeet, he and Skoodge would always be sneaking around the vents.

When the group arrived at the pantry, Zim showed them how to unscrew the vent cover using their Pak legs. However, it looked like only one of them had learned how to use the Pak legs yet. Oh well, that didn't concern Zim.

"Okay, Lu, since you're the only one who knows how to use your Pak legs yet, you'll have to help everyone back out of the pantry, okay?" Zim said, kneeling down to look he smeet in the eye. Once she nodded that yes, she'd help the others, Zim went back to jogging through the vents, leaving the smeets behind.

When he arrived at the vent opening in Miyuki's lab, Zim made sure no-one was there before dropping inside. He crept over to the tube where Dib's replacement body was growing and put the chips behind it. He was in the middle of crawling back into the vent when Miyuki walked in.

"Zim? What are you doing?" she asked, walking over.

"Nothing! Zim is innocent!" Zim shouted, wriggling back out of the vents.

"Alright, now I know you did something."

"You lie! You LIEEE!" Zim shouted, turning to run back to the vent. However, Miyuki caught him by the shoulder and held him up to be eye level with her.

"What. Did. You. Do, Zim?" she asked, slowly.

"Well, when Dib-Stink wakes up, he'll probably want some snacks, so... Using his Amazing Amazingness, Zim left Dib some chips for when he wakes up!" Zim said, trying to wriggle out of Miyuki's grasp.

"How thoughtful! However, you really shouldn't just leave snacks lying around. Come on, lets just go set up a snack order to be fulfilled when Dib wakes up," Miyuki said, setting Zim down and gesturing for him to follow her as she left the lab.

As they were passing the pantry, the door fell off its frame, and the four smeets from earlier tumbled out, three of them currently engaged in a fistfight while Lu tried to get them back into the vents.

Miyuki chuckled and pretended not to see them. Although the other three were to busy fighting to notice who it was to pass by, Lu was rather startled to see the Tallest, but even more surprised to see the Irken who had helped them into the pantry earlier walking happily along behind her.

A few hours later, Zim was back in Miyuki's lab, sitting by the tube where Dib's new body was growing.

"Y'know, Dib-Stink, you have  _ got _ to be the most careless Irken I've ever known! I guess it comes from not always being one, huh? I mean, seriously, you're probably the only one to get not just one but two extra chances. Usually, when we die, our Paks just get wiped," Zim said, pulling his knees up against his chest.

Zim felt something wet on his cheeks. Raising one gloved hand to his face, Zim realized he was crying. Zim was shaking, there were tears running down his face... but why?

Thinking hard, Zim realized he couldn't figure out why he was this upset. There was something, just at the edges of his memory, that was out of his grasp. However, Zim would not be bested! Focusing hard, Zim tried his best to remember what had happened. The last time he had had this hard of a time remembering something was back when he had subconsciously stamped down the memories of his time on Foodcourtia.

A few moments later, memories came flooding back. He was mentally pulled back to his time in the smeetery. He remembered another Irken, a... friend of his. But why had he forgotten a friend? That didn't seem like the kind of thing he'd want to forget.

As he remembered more, Zim realized that, like him, this friend must have been defective. They would always be antagonistic to taller Irkens and refused to follow the rules. As he remembered more, Zim felt a growing chill in his chest, felt fear for this friend growing.

Zim remembered how eventually, his friend had gone too far. They had refused to kill a young creature in one of their training sims. Zim remembered cheering for his friend, how they had managed to conquer the holo-planet without taking a single life. Zim had thought it was so cool.

Zim remembered the claws digging into his shoulder, dragging him and his friend down seemingly endless corridors. He remembered the feeling of the cold, metal floor in the dark room they had been thrown in. He saw in his memories the glow of the Deactivation Brain, the glint in the eyes of those who would gleefully have killed two smeets.

Zim heard his friends screams, could smell the scent of burnt flesh, the smoke that had come from his friend's Pak. He remembered how the Pak, once charred to a crisp, had been cleaned off and sent to the technicians to be wiped.

Zim felt the claws in his shoulder dragging him to the center of the room. Dragging him to the same fate. He could hear the cruel, echoing laughter. He remembered the pain of the still-hot wires being jabbed into his Pak, and he remembered his friend's name. Dib. 

Zim remembered how, long before he had ever come to Earth, he had known someone named Dib. Zim remembered how Miyuki had charged into the Deactivation Chamber, seething, and ripped the death wires off of Zim. How that was the last time he ever saw those two Irkens.

How his friend was still dead. How, a while later, he saw a new smeet in the smeetery, a gash on its Pak right where his friend had had one. How this smeet he had refused to let anything happen to. Zim remembered how he first met Skoodge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I also post stuff on my Tumblr, which has the same URL as my Ao3! Please check me out there.


	17. Dib's Awake!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Membrane Messed Up

As Dib opened his eyes, for a moment he forgot the previous few months. He forgot his trip to Gravity Falls, his time at school prior to that, he forgot how tall he had gotten recently. He forgot why he had gotten so tall recently.

For just a moment, he was once again Dib Membrane, Protector of Earth. But why, when he thought of those he was meant to protect, did it leave such a bad taste in his mouth? Why did he feel himself cringe at the thought of going for a swim? Why did he feel his fingers twitching, pulling themselves into clawed fists, itching for a fight? Why did the strange, red, metallic walls all around him feel... right?

As Dib thought about this, he realized he was floating in a tube, suspended in some clear liquid, with wires and IV drip-type-things poking him all over. Wait. How was he breathing? How hadn't he drowned? Dib looked down to begin tearing the wires out of his arms and torso, but what he saw sent his head spinning.

His skin was green, and his clothes... He was wearing what looked like a navy blue version of Zim's uniform, with a golden-yellow version of his trenchcoat over it. What was going on?

And then he remembered everything. He tried to scream, but his lungs... Wait, he didn't even have lungs anymore. His throat was filled with the same fluid. He could taste it, a slimy, citrusy flavor. Barely there at all.

Ripping the wires off of himself, Dib began trying to punch his way out of the tube, but the liquid slowed his movements, and his fists barely impacted the glass. Narrowing his eyes, Dib decided that, if he was Irken anyway, he might as well use one of the advantages of it. Activating his Pak legs, Dib began stabbing the glass. He quickly made a hole in it, and widened it through repeated stabbings, chipping away at it. Eventually, there was a hole big enough for him to crawl out of.

As he was shimmying his way out of the tube, Dib snarled at it, wishing he had taken the time to widen it just a  _ bit _ more. As he was trying to squeeze the rest of the way out, Miyuki ran in.

"Dib, stop! You could hurt yourself!" she shouted, running over to a control panel and entering in a few commands. The glass dissolved, leaving Dib to fall to the floor. At least, he would have, if his Pak legs hadn't shot out to catch him.

As he lowered himself to his feet, he realized he was roughly the same size compared to Miyuki as he had been to Membrane before... everything that had happened.

"Now that you're awake, you, Gaz, and membrane can go back to Earth. I'll be coming as well because there are a few things I'll need to see to," Miyuki said. Dib looked her in the eyes but didn't say anything. He was to busy screaming internally at the fact that he came up roughly to her collarbone. She was 12 flippin feet tall, how tall was he now? 

When his father ran in, Dib had to take a moment to process how much taller he was than his father. For heaven's sake,  _ why _ ? Why couldn't he have just stayed the same height, and kept that one piece of normalcy?

At the same time, Dib felt proud. He felt like puffing out his chest and flaunting his height. The two sides of him, his human side and his Irken side, were at war. The winner would determine what sort of person he would be in the coming years, decades, centuries. And Dib could feel his humanity faltering.

Dib could only hope that he'd still stay  _ mostly _ himself, at least.

Dib just walked over to his dad and wanted a hug. But when he had to sit on the floor in order to be short enough for a hug, it just made him feel worse.

"Oh, and Dib? Since Earth isn't really designed for people with great height, I had Miyuki make you a holo-disguise," Membrane said, pulling away just far enough to look his son in the eyes.

Dib's face lit up. Even if he couldn't go back to being normal, this would still be great! He could at least  _ look _ normal. Standing up, he whirled around to look at Miyuki, a grin on his face. When she handed him an odd bracelet, he felt like he was going to burst from excitement. Quickly putting it on, he pressed the "on" button and watched as the floor flew upwards, or at least seemed to. 

Running over to look at his reflection in the metal of some of the machinery, Dib expected to feel perfectly happy, like everything was back to how it should be. Instead, he felt like he was looking at a stranger. His skin looked weird, and his hair was just... off, somehow.

"Hey, are you sure this is right? It just feels off," Dib said, turning to look at Membrane and Miyuki. They now were both taller than him. His voice was also weird, to soft and jittery. Miyuki must have just messed something up. That was all. It would be fine, she could fix it, and then everything would be normal.

"I don't think so. The hard light hologram is an exact replica of how you used to look," Miyuki replied, looking worried. "Maybe its that your clothes are still different. Usually, the only time someone will feel like that is if it is their first time using a holo-disguise, and it looks radically different from how they usually do. Its why all Irkens in the Invader Track have to spend time in slightly different holo-disguises."

"B-but this is how I'm supposed to look!" Dib cried, confused. 

"Maybe originally, but by now, I wouldn't be surprised if everything that has happened has taken a toll on your psyche," Membrane said, putting one hand to his chin in his classic thinking stance.

"N-No! No!" Dib shouted, stepping back. No! That wasn't... no. Dib was still totally, completely, perfectly mentally human. He had to be.

"Fess! Do you really think now is the best time to bring that up? 'Taken a toll on your psyche' What do you think saying that sort of thing will do?! Certainly not help!" Miyuki said, clearly annoyed.

Membrane was about to answer, but before he got the chance, Dib was laughing hysterically, madness creeping at the edges of his voice. Looking in his son's eyes, Membrane could see him shattering.

Membrane realized he had once again done more harm than good. "Not again, I-I can't- I'm sorry," he said, turning and running. Running from his own ineptitude.

"He- He's not  **_ WRONG, _ ** is he? He's not  **_ WRONG _ ** to be scared of me, to run, to-to-t- Why? why couldn't you just let me die?" Dib was crying, he could feel the tears running down his face. "If not the first time, why not this time? You should have just wiped my Pak and been done with it."

"Dib, no, we love you. Fess is just... Not very adept at parenting. Plus, he's in completely new territory. He's trying, he'd just, to use a human term, god-awful at it," Miyuki said, crouching down to be eye level with Dib.

"Really? Because he didn't seem loving just now. He seemed terrified. Of me. Just- Just help me get this damn bracelet off." Dib said, fumbling at the disguise projector. "I'm done trying. Trying to stay the same, when nothing is."

A few hours later, Miyuki walked into her quarters to find Membrane wrapped in blankets crying on her bed. Miyuki seriously considered just turning around and leaving, but instead, she walked over to her fiance.

"What the hell was that?" she asked, looming over him. 

"I- I ran because he must hate me. Everything that's happened to him, tia been my fault. He can't stand to look at me, I know it," Membrane sobbed, pulling the blankets over his head.

"No, he doesn't. He thinks you're terrified of him, Fess! He just wants your love, and you keep putting your foot in your mouth," Miyuki cried, throwing one arm out to the side in a wide, sweeping motion.

Membrane poked his head out of the huddle of blankets, his goggles askew. "Really? He thinks- He thinks I'm terrified of him? But why?"

"Why? WHY?! YOU RAN AWAY FROM HIM, FESS!" Miyuki shouted, before using her Pak legs to pick him up by his arms. "That's it. The two of you need to talk things out."

Meanwhile, Gaz and Zim were trying to comfort Dib. Trying was probably the nicest term for it. Zim was too busy ranting about how unfair it was that Dib got to just be that tall, while Gaz couldn't get a word in edgewise. Eventually, she knocked Zim over the head with her metal arm to get him to shut up.

"Dib. Can you quit crying for five minutes and actually tell us what happened?" she said, raising one eyebrow.

"B-but the disguise holo was perfect, and it j-just didn't feel riiight, a-and Dad was scared of me, and I forsook my hu-man-i-tyyyyy!" Dib sobbed, barely able to speak around his tears. Once he finished speaking, he just burst into a fresh wave of tears.

Blinking, Gaz visibly took a second to process all of that. "Oh-kay. Welp. That's a lot to unpack. Let's, uh, start with the last bit, because there's not much I can do about Dad," Gaz said, audibly taken aback.

"You do realize I say stuff I don't mean all the time, right? You can just... not actually  _ forsake _ anything. Geez, Dib, I'm trying to help you, but  _ forsake? _ Really? Is that the only word you can think of for that?" Gaz said, pulling her brother in for a hug. Sure, it was awkward, since he was currently thrice her height, but hey. He was still her brother. Wait, that would be an excellent point to make!

"And sure, you're like,  _ freakishly tall _ , but at this point, I think that's partially the fact that Dad is above average height for a human, so when you got... Irkened, that genetic bit kinda went with you. And hey, you're still my brother, your head just actually looks normal compared to the rest of you now."

"My. Head. Was. Never. Big." Dib said, playfully punching his sister on the shoulder.

"Oh, sure. Its not like we had to custom-make the frames of your glasses so they'd fit your bulbous head," Gaz chuckled.

As Miyuki and Membrane got closer to Dib's room, Membrane managed to convince Miyuki to put him down, promising not to run again. Making a motion similar to raising one eyebrow, Miyuki set him down and let him walk on his own.

As Membrane knocked on the door, he saw Miyuki begin to walk away. "This is between you and Dib," she said, before taking her leave.

As Professor Membrane knocked at the door, he thought about how woefully unprepared he was. Sure, he might have thirty-five PHDs, but he had no idea what to do in his current situation.

When Gaz was the one to open the door, he realized he had underestimated how unprepared he was. Her usual scowl had deepened into a look of pure fury.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, her voice perfectly, furiously monotone, as if she knew that if she showed the slightest bit of emotion she'd explode into a screaming ball of rage.

"I-I came to apologize," Membrane replied. Gaz slammed the door in his face. A few minutes later, she opened it again.

"He says he'll hear you out," she said, taking a step to the side so Membrane could enter. As membrane walked in, he saw that Dib had activated his disguise module, and was clearly uncomfortable.

"Son, you don't have to hide like that," Membrane started to say.

"Yes, I do! I saw the way you ran! You're terrified of me!" Dib shouted tears streaming down his face once more.

Taking a step forward, Membrane reached towards Dib before pulling his arm back to his side.

"No, I'm not. I didn't run out of fear of you. I ran from my own guilt. Everything that's happened to you, it- it's," said Membrane falling to his knees, crying as well, "it's all my fault. I'm so, so sorry. If I had just  _ been there _ for you. If I had at least  _ noticed _ . Except, I did notice. I just- I ignored it-" Membrane was cut off by his own tears at that point, sobs wracking his body.

Blinking, Dib looked at his father. He couldn't understand what he was seeing. His father  _ never _ apologized, for anything. The last time he'd even said "sorry" was when he... Dib couldn't even remember the last time Membrane apologized for something.

Standing up, Dib walked over to his father and wrapped his arms around him. Even if his disguise, in general, felt wrong, it was nice to be hugged normally, even if only for a moment.

"I forgive you. It wasn't okay, but I forgive you," Dib said, as he hugged his father.


	18. back to Earth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dipper, you really need to mind what you say. :)<

As the Membrane family arrived back at Earth, Fess could already see the horde of paparazzi around his house. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he decided to have Miyuki land them on the roof of the labs. He really didn't want to deal with them, at least not until he made a press statement as to where he, and his family, had been for the past few weeks.

Stepping out of the cruiser, Membrane trusted Miyuki to take care of the kids as he went downstairs. Walking into the labs proper, he saw that the researchers were surprised to see him back.

"Professor, you're back! Where have you been?" one of his senior researchers said. 

"At an offshore lab. Dib was murdered, so I had to clone him again," Membrane replied. What? It wasn't technically a lie. That demon was why Dib had died, and space was certainly offshore.

"Now, I do believe I'll need to make a press statement. Zacharias, would you mind arranging that?" he asked. When he received a confirmation, he went back to the roof to fetch everyone. When he got there, he found that Miyuki, Zim, and Dib had already equipped their holo-disguises. Good.

Membrane was saddened by how uncomfortable Dib looked, but it was necessary. Sure, Dib's new height would inconvenience the boy while on Earth, but that wasn't the only reason he had recommended making Dib a holo-disguise. People might get suspicious if they found he was suddenly ten feet tall.

Dib, meanwhile, was getting frustrated at how  _ wrong _ his disguise felt. It should feel perfectly normal; less than a year ago, it was! So why, then, did it feel so weird? 

Grimacing, he followed his father downstairs. From the sounds of things, he'd have to deal with it for a whole day while the press conference was set up. Well, at least it wasn't longer; having a super-famous dad did have some perks.

Honestly, in terms of the number of people who would recognize their names, Miyuki was probably more famous, just not on Earth. Or maybe infamous would be a better word; she was an intergalactic conqueror, after all.

Pulling his arms up into his sleeves, Dib hid his hands from view. He'd need to get some gloves. Mittens would be preferable, if not for the loss of dexterity. Following everyone downstairs, he popped his collar to hide his ears in any reflections. This helped a bit.

When they got to the "living quarters", Dib had one of the interns go grab him one of the complimentary Membrane Labs beanies. Well, "Living quarters" was a bit of a stretch. They were really just a kitchenette and a couple of rooms with cots for any employees who were too caught up in their work to go home, This, combined with keeping his collar popped, really helped. Besides, those interns would do anything to get in his father's good graces; he'd probably just made their day because they got to actually do something.

Sitting on the small couch, Dib crossed one leg over the other and blew a wisp of hair out of his eyes. When he looked at Miyuki, she was sitting quietly, and her eyes seemed almost... glazed over. Zim was sitting very similarly, and it reminded Dib of how Zim would sit in class, just staring into nothing.

"Miyuki? what's going on?" Dib asked. This was odd; he'd thought the spacing out was just a Zim thing.

"Hm?" she said, blinking. "Oh, we're just in standby mode. It helps pass time. Most Irkens use it during long durations of space travel through secured zones; or just otherwise when they need to wait for extended periods of time." 

Huh. So that's what that was. Wait a second...

"So does that mean I could do that too?" he asked, furrowing his eyebrows. 

"I don't see why not. Just. Like, scrunch up your face and then focus on zoning out. It can take a while to pick up, so don- and he's already on standby. Well, that's convenient," Miyuki said, before going back to standby mode.

"Stupid Irkens and their everything being more convenient. Meanwhile, I'm stuck here replaying this same game for the fifteenth time this month," Gaz grumbled, looking up momentarily from her GameSlave.

Professor Membrane, meanwhile, was preparing the speech he would be giving at the press conference. He'd written it while they were still on the Massive during his downtime, but he was just giving it a quick once-over now. Better safe than sorry. The first draft had been scribbled on by Zim's robotic dog, after all. 

Once satisfied that everything was as it should be, Membrane went to check with his security personnel. After all, he'd be standing pretty much out in the open while he gave his speech, and it was better to be safe than sorry.

By the time Membrane was satisfied with the precautions, it was time for the press release. Heading back to where he had left his family, he found that Miyuki had already gotten Dib, Gaz, and Zim ready. 

As a group, they walked out onto the balcony. Glad that his high collar meant he could grimace all he wanted at the barrage of camera flash, Membrane walked up to the podium.

"Greetings, greetings. I'm sure you're all wondering where I've been. After all, I've been gone for much longer than the originally intended week-long vacation I had planned." As he spoke, Membrane made sure to look at different parts of the crowd, turning entirely to ensure that this was clearly visible. This wasn't his first public speech, after all.

" However, near the end of the vacation, my son was attacked, and I had to take him to an offshore medical facility. He is doing fi-" Before Professor Membrane could finish the sentence, however, there was a deafening, sharp crack, and Membrane felt blood dripping onto his shoulder. Time seemed to slow. Raising one hand to the side of his head, he realized his collar was shredded, his ear was torn, and the metal prosthetic that served as a lower face was warm to the touch.

Looking behind himself, Membrane saw that there was a small crater in the concrete wall. Wedged at the center of it was a high-powered round of ammunition. Dib realized what had happened at the same time as Membrane did.

This was the first time Dib had actually been there when someone tried to assassinate his father. Usually, it would happen while he was at an overseas conference. One time Membrane had even been kidnapped and held hostage.

This time, however, there were two key differences. First of all, the assassin had attacked while Membrane was in his home area; whether this was audacity or stupidity on the assassin's part mattered little, as the effect was still the same. They had shattered the safety of home.

Secondly, Dib wasn't helpless this time.

Casting his gaze across the crowd, Dib found where the sniper was hiding. Shit, they were already lining up a second shot. Pushing his father to the ground with one hand, he turned to Miyuki and Gaz. "Protect him. Zim, come with me," Dib said, before turning back towards the sniper.

Grabbing Zim, Dib activated his Pak wings without a second thought for the fact it might reveal him. He knew the people of this city would just think it was some sort of cool jetpack his father had designed. 

Soaring over the heads of the crowd, Dib grinned at the fear he saw on the assassin's face. Looks like the answer to his prior question was stupidity. Setting down on the roof where the assassin was, Dib felt like laughing at the way she scrambled backwards, rifle forgotten. 

Looking down, Dib saw that it was bolt-action, and slow to reload. Pathetic, it probably didn't have a round in the chamber. Seriously, if you're going to kill someone, at least use proper weaponry; this was just disrespectful.

" **_ Assailant Identified. Pak:Rank Hero Activated. Come quietly and face the consequences of your actions." _ ** Dib said, reaching into his pocket. He was pleased to find that Miyuki had been kind enough to leave him a plasma sword and shield. Pulling them out, Dib activated them.

The assassin, however, was not so easily cowed. After a mere moment's hesitation, she unsheathed a knife from the side of her leg and leapt to her feet. As she ran towards Dib, he realized how amateur her stance was. With the flick of a Pak leg, he flipped her backward, onto her back.

"Haha! None can face the might of an Irken!" Zim said. When she turned on him, he actually engaged her. Gracefully twisting to avoid her blade, he spun her around as if they were dancing. When she ran back at him, Zim laughed maniacally and grabbed her hands. Waltzing her over to the edge of the roof, he spun her out. His grasp was all that kept her from falling the twenty stories to the ground.

After taking a moment to relish the fear on the assassin's face, Zim spun her back to the center of the roof with a flourish, before bowing like a performer at the end of an act. 

"Well, Dib-Stink, I think we've THOROUGHLY shown Irken superiority!" Zim gloated, walking over to the assassin. "Now tell me, human, why did you attempt to kill the Dadbrane? What wrong have you perceived him to do?!"

"Tampering with forces best left untouched! Death should not be trifled with!" the assassin spat, glaring at Zim from behind her mask. 

" **_ Y'know, that's funny. You say death shouldn't be trifled with, and yet here you are, trifling with death. Oh, if there's one thing I love more than hunting cryptids it dramatic irony _ ** ," Dib said, walking over to the assassin. If Gaz had seen him at that moment she'd have burst out laughing; if he was even slightly less powerful, the way he was acting would be peak cringe. However, it's rather hard to scoff at someone who holds shears over the thread of your life.

Coming face to face with the assassin, Dib grinned. Tilting his head, he came to a decision. " **_ It will be so fun to watch you squirm in court, _ ** " Dib said, " **_ And it will be interesting to see how sending someone to the crazy house looks from the other side. _ ** "

"W-wait you were in the Crazy House? b-but there's no way you should be able to be just... w-walking around!" The assassin stammered, fear creeping into her voice.

"Oh, but strings exist to be pulled, hmmm?" Dib replied, before grabbing the assassin by her wrists. Pulling her to her feet, Dib restrained her with one hand while he reached into his Pak with the other and withdrew a familiar pair of handcuffs. The Anti-Alien cuffs.

"Y'know, these function by whatever the user deems 'alien," Dib said, twirling them around one finger. Looking sideways at the assassin, his grin slipped and his face twisted into rage. " **_ And I see nothing more alien than one who would dare try to harm my family! _ ** " he roared, slamming the assassin into the cuffs.

She immediately fell limp, unconscious. Her eyes rolled back into her head, leaving only the sclera visible. Snorting, Dib offered Zim his hand.

"Well, Dib-Stink, it is time to head back. I must tell my Tallest of our AMAZING victory!" Zim said, taking Dib's hand and allowing himself to be flown back to the balcony. Gaz and Miyuki were both standing in front of Membrane, looking like they were itching for a fight.

"Dib. Did you seriously leave no fight for us?" Gaz complained, raising one eyebrow.

"Sorry, Gaz, but this scum wasn't coming quietly. You can still rough them up if you want, but I think they're pretty well terrified," Dib replied, chuckling.

"Terrified? Dib-Stink, you were the HEIGHT of Cringe!" Zim shouted, waving one arm in the air.

"Oh? Says the one who fight-danced with the enemy," Dib laughed, socking Zim in the gut. When Zim replied with a punch to the face, the two of them quickly devolved into a ball of fists and claws. 

Gaz, meanwhile, crouched down to look at the assassin. Well, would-be assassin; they'd failed rather miserably. Reaching towards their mask, Gaz wondered aloud what they looked like. However, when their face was revealed, they looked perfectly, boringly ordinary. Mousey brown hair, freckles, a small nose. Not ugly, not pretty, not scary or comforting. Just... average.

Honestly, that was the worst part. If the assassin had been stunningly beautiful, absolutely hideous, or even just had a really cool scar, it wouldn't have been as bad. Gaz could have just filed today away like it was a shitty level in a shitty VR game. Instead, she'd have to deal with the reality of it.

Well, while she couldn't change the assassin's looks in any major way, Gaz could at least give her a really cool scar. Unscrewing the fingertip on her metal hand, Gaz activated a laser knife. Dragging it down the assassin's cheek, she made sure the would-be killer would never be able to accurately shoot a sniper rifle again. After all, you need depth perception for that.

Standing up, Gaz walked over to Miyuki. "So, what are we going to do with them?" she asked, pointing at the assassin. 

"Hmm. Probably turn them over to Earthen authorities. At the moment, I hold no sway over Earthen, well, anything really, and I'd rather not make Humanity aware of the Irken Empire," Miyuki replied. "Dib, are you sure there are no others? This idiot was working alone?" Miyuki said, looking over to where Dib and Zim were still fighting.

"Yeah! She'd have called for backup if she had any!" Dib shouted, holding Zim away for a moment. Once sure that Miyuki had heard him, he reengaged in the fight with a solid jab to Zim's jaw.

"Dib-Stink! How dare you pause our amazing battle!" Zim shouted, clawing at Dib's face. 

"Would you two mind going inside? The photographers look like they're about done being too scared to take pictures," Miyuki said, casting her gaze over what was left of the crowd. "And take your father with you. I think he's gone into shock. Get him to the medical wing before you keep fighting."

"Awww, do we have to?" Dib and Zim complained in unison. Miyuki didn't even have to say anything; Gaz just glared at them. Somehow, the 4-foot-tall glaring child was more terrifying than the space dictator. 

Groaning, the boys stopped fighting each other just long enough for each to hoist Membrane up and carry him to the medical wing. Zim held Membrane's legs, and Dib, walking backward, kept his arms wrapped around Membrane's chest.

"Really, boys, I'll be fine! Enough to walk, at least," Membrane said, embarrassed to be carried through the building like an old couch.

"Oh sure, it's not like the side of your head looks like ground beef or anything. Yeah, you're perfectly fine," Dib said, the sarcasm dripping from his words. 

"Well, yes, but first of all, shock is one hell of a drug, and second of all, there must be some less embarrassing way to carry me, even if you refuse to let me walk," Membrane complained. After all, he barely felt anything on that side of his head! He didn't see what all the fuss was about. He'd been injured this badly, and worse, before.

"Hmmm, no, I don't think so. After all, we are totally HUMAN children WITH NO ALIEN ADVANTAGES!" Zim shouted, talking more at the security cameras than Membrane.

"I'm fine!" Membrane said again. His voice was getting weak.

"Dad, you just said that," Dib said, furrowing his eyebrows. This wasn't good. Dib knew ear wounds bled a lot, but that was a lot of blood trailing behind them. Hell, even when his dad had lost his  _ arms _ he hadn't bled this much. For Irk's sake, this was ridiculous!

Wait, what? 'For Irk's Sake'. But that was an Irken expression.  **__ **

**_ So? So what does that make ME? _ ** No. Dib shook his head. He couldn't think like that. Right now, he needed to focus on getting his dad to the medical wing.

When they got to the medical wing, it took very little time for the on-staff medical professionals to get Membrane into a hospital bed. However, he was already unconscious.

"He'll be fine, right?" Dib asked one of them, hating how he had to look up to see their eyes. Hating even more that his father's safety was in question.

"Well, he's lost a lot of blood, but Membrane Labs has the best medical facilities there are!" one of the doctors said, a little too loudly, and a little too quickly. Dib had to make a conscious effort not to look annoyed. Best there is? He had better strapped to his back! Hell, even Hobo-13 had better medical facilities! The best of the planet does not mean best there is.

Of course, these fools had no way to know that. Storming out, Dib muttered under his breath. The assistant didn't catch what it was that Dib said, but it sounded like "filthy humans."

Slamming the door to the balcony back open and walking out, Dib saw that Miyuki had managed to get the reporters wrapped around her finger. Of course, she had; she had who knows how decades, or longer, of experience. Trying not to grimace, Dib slouched against the wall, hiding his face in the collar of his coat.

Once Miyuki had managed to calm down the press and send them on their way, Dib sighed. He was glad that was over; for some reason, all those cameras made him uncomfortable. It felt like they were the prying eyes of the Swollen Eyeball network, its leaders back from whatever hellhole they were rotting in. 

But that was ridiculous; Dib had made sure they'd be going away for a long time. After... the incident, he'd looked more into the Network. He had;t been the first to take such drastic measures in an attempt to please them, and he was one of the lucky few who'd failed.

The Network had more than a few skeletons in its closet, without even mentioning the metaphorical ones. And the pictures... Hardly any had been paranormal. It was sickening, even now.

Innocent lives, splayed out on a table, diced to bits. Not even in the name of discovery, or pushing boundaries. Instead, most of the victims were human, perfectly normal. Simply a bit odd. Those quacks had killed innocents, and not even realized it. Just thinking about it made Dib want to hunt them down, just to watch them rot.

However, before he could turn to go inside, Dib saw something. Something he'd hoped to never see again. An all too familiar briefcase. This one, however, was a soft pink. It still had that horrible pictogram of an eye on it, though, marking its carrier as a member of the Network.

"Miyuki, I think the assassin may have had an accomplice after all. I'll be right back," Dib whispered, to low for any human hearing to pick up. Miyuki nodded her head slightly, the plasticine smile still plastered across her face.

Walking into the building with a facade of calm, Dib calmly walked until he could turn a corner and be out of sight of the outside, and then activated his Pak legs. He needed speed right now, not subtlety. As he ran down the hall towards the stairwell, the clicking of metal on tile echoed throughout the floor. Bursting into the stairwell, Dib looked down and decided he didn't have time to walk up each flight of stairs; who knew how long Miyuki would be able to hold the press out there.

Climbing onto the stair railing, Dib used his Pak legs to repeatedly launch himself upwards, traveling a few dozen stories in a matter of seconds. Reaching the roof, Dib found the exit to be locked. A sign read that no-one was allowed up there alone anymore. Snarling, Dib merely smashed through the concrete wall opposite the door; it would be easier than trying to circumvent his father's security systems.

Dib realized that his new jacket was too flashy; it would draw attention. The orangey-gold of its fabric would stand out in a crowd, and his holo-disguise's stealth mode wouldn't last very long. Taking it off, Dib hung it over the branch of a tree. taking his beanie, he cut the top of it so he could pull it down as a face covering rather than a hat. 

With the bottom half of his face covered, Dib ran to the side of the building and activated two things; his wings, and stealth mode. The hardlight holograms had the ability to swap out of tangibility, and instead hide its user completely. The bonus of this was that Dib could stand at his full height without being seen.

Gliding off the side of the building, Dib felt a lump of panic rise in his throat. Sure, he had his Pak wings, but the last time he'd been here... No. Now wasn't the time for a panic attack. Dib had work to do.

Gliding down over the crowd, Dib looked for the Network member. When he found her, he swooped down and plucked her from the crowd. Thankfully, everyone was too busy trying to question Miyuki to notice someone disappear into thin air.

"Wh-what is going on! Someone help me!" the girl shouted, kicking and screaming.

"Oh how cute! I'll have you know they can't hear you," Dib said, flying back up to the roof. From about ten feet above it, Dib dropped the girl. setting down beside her, he turned off stealth mode.

"Well, luckily my invis managed to hold out long enough to get you up here," Dib said, walking over to the girl. "Now, what's your name?"

"I-I'm not telling you! I've heard how th-the fae can steal your name if you tell it to them! I'm n-not falling for that!" The girl said, getting to her feet and pulling an old, rusty nail from her pocket.

"I'm not a fae," Dib said, as he moved quicker than the eye could see to stand behind the girl. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he loomed over her, bending forward until he was looking her in the eyes.

"I'm much worse, at least to my enemies. And I'd say someone in cahoots with assassins makes a pretty good enemy, wouldn't you?" he growled, his antennae flat against his head. 

"A-assassin? Do you think I was with that pyscho? I'm a proud member of the Swollen Eyeball Network! Where truths lay hidd-" the girl was cut off.

"'Where truths lay hidden, we will find them, no matter the threat', yeah yeah. Etcetera, etcetera, ad infinitum. Fancy words for a bunch of serial killers."

"Serial killers?! What are you talking about you-you- whatever you are!" the girl shouted, jerking out of Dib's grasp and stepping out of reach. When Dib saw the fire in her eyes, he tilted his head. She must not know.

"Bigfeets case 173. Extraterrestrial life cases 12, 56, 78, and 200. Vampires cases 45, 78, 97, 101, and 150. And since you know so much about fae, cases 23, 45, 78, 98, and 98b. Can you tell me what all these cases have in common?" Dib said, stepping forward, his voice cold.

"Uh... Oh! They were all vivisections or autopsies, right?" the girl said, her face lighting up.

"Wrong. They were murders. Every single one of them was a human that had some manner of an oddity. The "bigfeets" was just a really hairy guy. The "Aliens" were just humans with assorted illnesses and such- I mean, do you really think anyone, not from this hellhole of a planet would be stupid enough to get caught, or if they were that they wouldn't have the firepower to blast their way out? The "vampires" all just either had anemia or sensitive skin. And the "fae"? Nerds who got cosmetic surgery or yet more illnesses! And the list goes  _ on, _ sweetheart. So yes. Serial killers."

"N-No! That- that can't be true! Besides, how would you even know?" the girl stammered, indignant. However, there was a hint of doubt to her voice.

Dib stood up straight and threw his head back and laughed. It was the signature Irken laugh, full of villainy, and anger. "Because, so long ago, I fell for their scheming, and I saw everything. Why, I still remember the smell when I burned my briefcase."

"Wait what? But membership is only for humans!"

"I didn't always look like this, y'know."

"O- oh. But, still, the Network is under new management! Things must be different now!" she shouted, her voice cracking on the final syllable. 

"Hmmm. What's the saying?" Dib said, tapping his chin as his antennae twitched. Feigning a look of realization, he bent down to be eye level with the girl again. "Oh yes. S _ econd verse, same as the first _ ."

"I refuse to believe it until I see the evidence!"

"Evidence? EVIDENCE?! Sure." walking over to one of the benches, Dib gestured for her to sit. She looked uneasy but took a seat. Meanwhile, Dib activated one of his Pak appendages; this one a hologram projector.

As images begin to flash across the projection, Dib spoke. "Here you can see the infant butchered because someone thought they might be a changeling. Here's the elderly couple slaughtered because an agent declared them werewolves. Here are the pictures I took of the " _ holding cells". _ By the Tallest, even Irk's prisoners are treated better than this!" he shouted, incensed. "Just being reminded of this makes me glad to no longer be human," he spat, face twisted in rage.

"This is sickening, but every single one of these is dated to before the new management took over! Things are different now! Th-they have to be," she said, tears in her eyes, her face gone pale.

"Pathetic. All this, and you still put your trust in them. You still seek their approval. Let me guess, your parents are never home? And when they are, they always try to push you into a career you don't want, calling your interests 'fantasy' and 'ridiculous'?" Dib said, his antennae rising to stand up straight. 

"H-how do you know all this?"

"Because," Dib said, putting one foot forward and bowing smugly, "We're not so different, you and I." And with that, he disappeared.

Walking down the stairs, Dib decided he'd have to look into that girl; the Network was a bad crowd, and she seemed... fragile. Like she was used to an easy life. Dib sent Miyuki a message that he was heading back to the house, and that he'd see her there.

When he got... home? Yeah, it was still home. Earth wasn't, but the house at least was. Once Dib got home, he started running a picture he'd taken through facial analysis software. When he got a match, he looked at the name that appeared.

"Pacifica Northwest... Wait, she lived in Gravity Falls? I wonder if Dipper knows her," Dib said, tapping his chin. Dib had lost his cell while he was fighting Bill, so he had to walk to the kitchen and use the landline. For a man of science, his father sure was a sucker for nostalgia.

As Dipper sat in his room at home, he heard his phone ring. Checking the number, he realized he didn't recognize it. Shrugging, he accepted the call.

"Hey Dipper," came Dib's voice through the phone, "How's it going?"

"Great! Dude, I'm so glad to hear you're okay! There are not many people who can come back from a crushed skull," Dipper replied, happy to hear that Dib was okay. Hey, at least now he'd probably be able to close his eyes without seeing Dib's head pop like a grape.

After chatting for a couple of hours, Dib brought up why he had called in the first place.

"Hey, do you know a girl named Pacifica?" he asked, crossing his legs and twisting the cord of the phone around his finger.

"Uh, yeah. She moved away from Gravity Fall a while back, though. Why?"

"Well, she's fallen in with a bad crowd, and I was just wondering if you'd know anything I could say to her to convince her to leave it."

"Well, honestly, for her, money talks. I don't mean bribes, just showing that you have it. She's gotten better about it, but treating her to something expensive is usually a surefire way to get her to listen to you. Other than that, shock factor. For example, I haven't told you about that lumberjack ghost, have I?"


	19. Autumn's End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hehehehe
> 
> What if....  
> Irkens need to hibernate?
> 
> (Also membrane got shot but ignore that part)

"Y'know, I can't decide whether you will live or die- I mean, as a member of the network, you're always one step away from being declared supernatural and getting gutted on an operating table," Dib said, poking his head through Pacifica's third-story window.

"FUCK WHAT THE WAit how are you- How do you know where I live!?" Pacifica shouted, startled.

"I know lots of things," Dib replied, chuckling, "But supercomputers certainly help!"

Pacifica just looked more concerned when he said that. "What's the matter?" he asked, a grin on his face.

"Y-you just... sounded like someone I used to know for a second there," Pacifica said, furrowing her brow.

"Well, that is odd. However, have you considered leaving the Network yet?" Dib said, completely derailing the conversation so he could get to convincing Pacifica to leave the Swollen Eyeball Network.

"I- I have still seen no evidence that the new management is as bad as the old."

"Just a sec, I'll be right back," Dib said, ducking his head out of the window and lowering himself to the ground. Pulling a book out of his pocket, he flipped to page 45 of  _ Cliche Supervillain Lines _ and quickly re-read it, looking for a specific line.

"Well, in that case," Dib said, this time full stepping into Pacifica's room. He quickly typed in a command on his pad, activating his disguise holo. This one was just his regular disguise, minus the hairscythe and glasses, and a bit taller. "I'll show you the proof you so desire. Just take my hand, as I'm sure you'd rather not be dragged by my Pak legs."As he spoke, Dib held his hand out. Luckily, not in the manner for a handshake, more the way you'd see in a movie of someone asking for a dance.

"... Sure," Pacifica said, sounding unsure. When she grabbed his hand, she was very relieved to see a lack of bright blue fire igniting around it. "Okay, so he's probably  _ not _ Cipher, just a psycho alien," she thought to herself.

However, her alarm quickly returned when he stepped out of the window, dragging her with him. Squeezing her eyes shut, she fully expected to fall the three stories to the ground. However, her feet seemed to meet ground. Slowly opening her eyes, Pacifica realized that she had stepped into some manner of small aircraft. It was reddish and bubble-shaped, with an odd insignia on its side.

"What is this?" she asked, sitting down in one of the seats.

"It is a heavily modified Voot Cruiser. Lucky for me, Miyu- my mom is letting me borrow it," Dib said. Crap, he'd almost given the game away; if she heard Miyuki's name, Pacifica would probably be able to connect the dots.

"What?" Pacifica asked, looking taken aback.

"My... mom is letting me borrow it?" Dib replied, confused. 

"Sorry, it's just... You're so weird, it took me a moment to process the fact that you have parents."

"Oh wow, thanks a ton. That is  _ not insulting at all.  _ I mean, it's not like I was human  _ literally six months ago _ or anything like that," Dib said, rolling his eyes. Hey, that was one upside to human disguises; pupils were a requirement for a proper eye-roll. Of course, there was the trade-off that you lost the expressiveness of antennae... Ah well.

"Well, I'm sorry! Maybe if you hadn't literally snatched me out of a crowd of people, and then thoroughly freaked me out afterward, it would be a bit easier to process!"

"Maybe if you weren't a member of the Network, I wouldn't have done that!"

"Why do you hate them so much?!"

" **_ BECAUSE IT'S THEIR FAULT I'M LIKE THIS! _ ** " Dib shouted, so loudly that Pacifica could hear her ears ringing afterward.

"It's their fault that I'm freakishly tall, bright  **_ FUCKING _ ** green, that even wearing a disguise holo to look human makes me  **_ SICK TO MY STOMACH _ ** ! If they weren't a bunch of murderers, if they didn't let literal children with no way of knowing how awful they are join their ranks, maybe none of this would have-maybe none of this would have ever happened," Dib said. As he spoke, tears began rolling down his cheeks, and his voice cracked. "Maybe if they weren't such psychopaths, I could have had the chance to actually do something with my life. Now I'm not even human, all because I believed their lies and paranoia."

"It's their fault I was so deluded I tried to kill my mom," Dib said, setting the ship to autopilot. "Ship, take Pacifica home and then return to the base. I can't right now.," he said, opening the hatch to jump out and fly home on his own. "And one more thing. Even Irkens, a militaristic space dictatorship, don't let five-year-olds, or the equivalent, join the army. Even Irkens, widely regarded as the worst of the worst, wait until the smeets have enough functioning brainpower to actually choose their career path."

Having finished speaking, Dib deactivated his disguise holo, activated his Pak wings, and flew away. Pacifica just sat in the passenger seat, dumbfounded. "Y'know, you and your species are  _ literal _ garbage," the ship said to her, once they arrived back at her house, as it dumped her onto the lawn. Stumbling inside, Pacifica just headed upstairs to her room. She needed to think.

Back at home, Dib walked inside and flopped onto the couch. If he wasn't 99% sure it would kill him, he'd probably be raiding a liquor store right about now. He wondered aloud whether there was something similar for Irkens.

"Yes, in fact," he heard a robotic voice say. Jumping up in alarm, Dib whipped his head around looking for the source. It had seemed to come from the very walls.

"Who are you?" he asked, reaching into his pocket for his weapon.

"Eh, just call me Com. I'm Zim's computer assistant, and honestly the main reason he didn't get himself killed when we first arrived on this hellhole of a planet. You parents-By Irk it feels weird to refer to Tallest Miyuki as a parent- took the liberty of integrating my systems into this house."

"Oh," Dib said, sitting back down.

"And to answer your previous question, there are two items on Earth that, for an Irken, would act similarly to human Ethyl Alcohol. The first is cheese, but that clogs up the Pak and would likely kill you, as I'm sure you remember," Computer said.

"The other is apples, as well as most apple-based foods. It actually neutralizes Ethyl Alcohol, as well, and in fact, the ethyl increases the effect."

"Well in that case I am raiding a liquor store. They should have hard apple cider, right?"

"Affirmative."

"Good. I'd ask if you wanted me to pick you anything up, but I don't know if-"

"I'm a computer. I can't eat or drink," Computer said, sighing in annoyance. Dib smiled awkwardly before walking out the door. 

A few minutes later, as he was approaching the liquor store, Dib realized his normal-Dib look wasn't going to cut it; he looked 15, after all. Hell, he was 15. Shrugging, he ducked into an alleyway to make a few edits.

When he was done, he was quite proud of how it turned out; he'd managed to create a very convincing disguise. A short buzzcut with streaks of gray, along with a few wrinkles, a weaker jaw, and different eye colors did a lot! Of course, it was hideous and Dib switched back as soon as he had the cider, but still. The point stands.

While he was there, Dib decided to pick up some other stuff as well. Namely, a ton of vodkas, beer, and other assorted alcohols. Dib didn't really want to think about anything right now, and he figured loud music, a full house, and drunkenness would be a good way to accomplish this. For once, he was glad he had started school a couple of years early; his classmates were all about the age that a party would be very enticing.

When he got home, he told Computer to send a message to his entire homeroom class that there was a party at his place tonight, drinks on him. Even Mrs. Bitters was invited because Dib knew she'd jump on the chance to laugh at her students making fools of themselves.

As his guests started arriving, Dib put the cider out of reach. It was the only thing in the house that he could drink, and he wanted to get hammered.

Bottle in hand, Dib welcomed his guests and pointed them towards the kitchen, where every surface was completely covered in full bottles and cans. When Mrs. Bitters arrived, Dib handed her a pack of blood he'd snagged from his dad's medical freezer in the basement. Raising one eyebrow, she shrugged before chugging it.

"Just don't kill anybody," he said, as she walked to the corner to watch the chaos.

Once everyone had arrived, Dib had Foodio start handing out snacks. That was how it went in the movies, right? Booze, food, and loud music? Eh, his classmates seemed to be having a good time. 

When Foodio came back around to him, Dib ordered a candied apple. Computer had said that any apple-based food would do the trick, and somebody had already found the rest of the cider.

Five candied apples later, Dib was barely feeling dizzy. Walking to his room, Dib kicked out the couple kissing on his bed and shut the door.

"Computer, why aren't I absolutely hammered? I thought you'd said that apples would get me drunk!"

"I said they were similar. There's not really anything on Earth that will get you drunk without killing you," Computer replied. Dib was nonplussed.

"So this party was for nothing?"

"Oh no, I'm having a great time watching your classmates make fools of themselves! Besides, don't you think you should work on your anger by doing something constructive instead of trying to get wasted?"

"Healthy coping mechanisms? Me? What are you talking about? I have never dealt with my emotions in a healthy manner, the hell are you talking about?" Dib said, laughing. The laughs quickly turned into sobs, the guttural screams of rage. Throwing off his disguise, Dib set about smashing his room. He was just about to throw his bedframe out the window when he heard his door open.

"Hey Dib, are you alright, I know you don't like tal- Omigosh Dib was right! There are aliens! I've got to go find him!" Keef said, standing in the doorway. As he turned to go run somewhere else in the house, Dib used a Pak leg to yank him back into his room, and another to close the door. 

"Hi, Keef," Dib said, sitting on what was left of his desk chair and resting his head in his hands.

"Wait, Dib?! You're an alien?! What the heck!" Keef cried, surprised. "But then why were you always trying to prove Zim was an alien?"

"Because six months ago I wasn't. Just... Just go, and don't tell anyone about this, alright?" Dib asked. He sounded tired.

"Are you okay? You sound... Well, sad would be an understatement, wouldn't it?" Dib asked, looking up at Dib.

"Just- just get out. Please."

"I- Are you sure? If you need someone to talk to, I can listen. I- You're always sitting alone at lunch, and for heaven's sake, DIb, you've died twice in the last- wait..."

"The last six months. honestly, I was as green as Zim when I came back to school, how did you guys not figure it out?" Dib said, standing up. "Computer, where'd I throw my disguise holo?"

"In the corner, about where your bed was,' Computer replied, for once sounding like it was feeling an emotion other than exasperation or annoyance. Dib walked over, picked up his holo, and put it on. Grabbing Keef by his hair, Dib tilted Keef's head up to look him in the eyes. "Don't. Tell. Anyone. Computer, fix my room for me, please." With that, Dib reactivated his holo, grabbed Keef by the shoulders, and pushed him out of his room.

"Keef, I'm trusting you to make sure everyone's gone by morning, There's something I need to do," Dib said, not really sure if he should trust Keef. However, Dib knew he needed to do something to get his mind off of what had happened earlier tonight. And Computer's mention that he should do something productive reminded Dib of an idea he'd had a while back.

Walking out the front door, Dib grabbed his plasma sword and shield from his pocket. Once he had turned the corner, he deactivated his disguise holo and began to run. His legs pumping beneath him, thrown out in front and then pulled back rapidly, over and over again, the street lamps flashing by, the wind in his face, rushing past his antennae, deafening him to anything besides its midnight whistle. In that moment, Dib was free. Free of all his doubts, his worries, his fears. Free of the past months. With autumn coming to a close and winter setting in, there was a chill to the air, but it didn't bother Dib; he just kept running. There was something he wanted to do.

Coming to the city proper, Dib ducked and weaved through alleyways, keeping to the shadows. It was warmer here, the smog choking the air, the lights shining harshly through the night air. 

Dib ran through the city, watching and listening. He had hardly been running for a few minutes before he grinned and quickly scaled an apartment building. Sure, he could have used his Pak-Wings, but jumping between buildings and gaining height each time was just more fun. 

Vaulting over the raised edge at the top of the building, Dib ran across the rooftop, feet pounding against the hard surface, before jumping off the other side, his wings flying out to either side, soaring downwards. Moving faster than he ever had before, at least without a Voot, Dib enjoyed the feeling of the wind on his face. As fast as he was now going, the air was positively frigid. It should be snapping him awake, but it just made him feel... tired.

Stopping suddenly, Dib rubbed his eyes. He hadn't felt tired since... Well, since he died the first time, and Miyuki revived him as an Irken.

Shaking his head, Dib landed and started running again. The pounding of his feet against asphalt and concrete grounded him, in more ways than one. If he closed his eyes, he could almost pretend the last six months were a figment of his imagination. 

Running beneath the moon, Dib felt lighter than air, like he was on top of the world. He felt untouchable like all his worries were melting away. 

He should have known it couldn't last.

By the time he got home, Dib could barely walk. He was exhausted, and every step seemed to weigh at him. The lights on his Pak were flickering weakly, and he could barely keep his eyes open.

Leaning on the door as it opened, Dib very nearly fell to the floor; he would have if Gaz hadn't caught him.

"What the- Dib? Dib, wake up. This isn't funny. Wake up, fuckface!" Gaz said, getting more audibly worried the less responsive Dib was.

"Dad! Dad, get in here! There's something wrong with Dib!" She shouted, struggling to carry Dib to the couch. It wasn't that he was heavy, it was just awkward trying to carry someone over twice your height. Even when she got Dib to the couch, he was so tall his legs hung off one arm of the couch.

"What's going on?!" Membrane said, running into the room. "Computer! Run an analysis! If you don't I'll have Miyuki reboot you!"

"W-wait, are you two serious? He's just tired. The dolt's been hiding his Pak with the holo-disguise as well, so it hasn't been able to get any sun," Computer said, sounding annoyed.

"Sunlight? Okay, I can handle that. Gaz, flip Dib over so he's laying on his stomach. I'll be right back," Membrane said, before running out of the room. A few moments later, he ran back in, his arms full of half a dozen UV and heat lamps.

"I may lose a few microbial experiments, but my son's health is more important!" he declared, as he ran around plugging them into every available wall outlet. As he plugged them in, Gaz pointed them all directly at Dib's Pak. Sure, he was annoying as all get-out, but it was lonely whenever he was dead. Plus, the Pak was what let Miyuki revive him; who knew what would happen if it got damaged.

"Okay, dad, he's fine. And You really shouldn't be running that much. Honestly, I probably should have handled this myself, you should still be in bed," Gaz said, running a hand through her hair.

"Nonsense! I am fine. A bullet wound never hurt anyone! Eh... A glancing blow never hurt anyone! Oh, wait... Uh, I'm fine!" Membrane said, before collapsing unconscious as well. He had been asleep when Gaz shouted his name and had just been running off of pure adrenaline while making sure Dib was ok.

"Seriously? Did he just... Yup. Okay, well, I am not carrying him up the stairs. Computer, would you take care of it?" Gaz said, sighing.

"Oh sure, menial labor. my  _ favorite. _ " Computer said, sarcastically. As it spoke, robotic wire-like arms wrapped around Membrane and carried him upstairs.

Gaz merely raised one eyebrow, and Computer shut up. 

"Ergh, what happened?" Dib said, waking up on the couch. Gaz scrunched up her eyebrows, and looked confused. She said... something, but it just sounded like gibberish.

"What are you saying? Is that some weird gamer-slang? Seriously, speak English. Wait..." Dib listened to himself speak. Shit.

"I'm speaking Irken, aren't I," he said, listening carefully to the words as he said them. Yeah, definitely not English. Well, if this day just couldn't get any worse.

"Shouldn't that universal translator thingie be working?" Dib asked, not expecting an answer. He was surprised when Gaz walked out of the room, only to come back with a pen and paper.

"Okay, Dib, you're very lucky I learned to write Irken so I could steal and play Zim's games. What's going on?" she wrote, in Irken, before handing him the pen.

"I don't know! I mean, logically, I should still be speaking English, even without the universal translator!" Dib said, throwing his hands up into the air in exasperation.

Gaz rolled her eyes and tapped the paper.

Dib repeated what he had just said in writing, adding a "What am I going to do when we go back to school?" at the end.

Gaz wrote, "I don't know, I don't even know why this is happening. I'll go get Miyuki; she should be at Zim's place."

"No, I'll go get her," Dib wrote, before standing up. As soon as his Pak was out of the line of the UV lamps, he very nearly collapsed again. "Uh, yeah. You go get her," he wrote, before sitting back down. The lamps did feel nice and warm on his back.

As Gaz stepped outside, she saw Zim struggling to push a mountain of blankets through the front door. As she walked up the front path, he managed to squeeze them through, falling forward onto them.

"Hey, Zim! Go get Miyuki!" Gaz called, walking up the path.

"You go get her! Zim is preparing!" Zim said, looking over his shoulder, as he started trying to cram the blankets down the chute into his base proper.

"Preparing for what?" Gaz asked, as she entered the house and closed the door.

"Hibernation! This pathetic planet's seasonal cycle is so fast! Why can't it be like Irk and only have a winter occasionally?!" Zim shouted, jumping up and down on the pile of blankets, trying to fit them all down the chute at once.

"Pfft, wait. Do Irkens fucking  _ hibernate? _ " Gaz asked, laughing. While laughing, she picked Zim up, removed him from the top of the pile of blankets, and pushed the pile off the chute. Doing this, she saw that it wasn't even open.

"Yes! Our Paks gain 25% of our power from ultraviolet radiation! In winters of planets, when the nights are longer, we go into hibernation. Of course, on the amazing and powerful Massive, this is unnecessary! Because the superior Irken race simply installed copious amounts of UV lighting!" Zim declared, crossing his arms. "Please ignore the fact that on the Massive, we actually have to sleep occasionally."

"Well, that would explain it," Gaz said, before explaining what had just transpired.

"Seriously? Dib-stink hasn't been getting his Pak  _ any _ sunlight? I'm surprised his universal translator is all that's malfunctioning!" Zim said, as Miyuki walked into the room.

"Wait, what?" Miyuki said, her antennae going flat against her head. "He'll need to hibernate too... Crap, I hadn't thought of that. He's going to fight it tooth and nail, isn't he?"

"Probably," Gaz said, shrugging. Hey, as long as he was fine, she didn't care. It was not like  _ she _ was any danger, and he wasn't in serious danger.


	20. Mrs. Bitters totally doesn't care about her students. At all. Honestly, I'm being truthful!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I just put up chapter 19, I know, but like... I'm bored and also write to cope! So, here's more!
> 
> Also, @CDarkHeartZero on Tumblr recently did an art of the Momyuki family! https://cdarkheartzero.tumblr.com/post/624924348291104768/show-chapter-archive

"WHAT?!" Dib shouted when Gaz broke the news to him.

"Look, you're just going to have to go over there and take a nap," Gaz replied, pulling her GameSlave out of her pocket.

"A nap? A nap?! It's quite a bit more than a nap, Gaz!" Dib replied, angrily. "Why can't we just put some UV lights around the house?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe because you've died twice in the past six months, and your Pak is pretty much shot at this point? I think you need some rest," Gaz said, as she perfectly executed a 99-hit combo on her game.

"I- No. I just won't. I'll just, I dunno, carry around a UV lamp," Dib said, pacing across the room. Of course, he could only go a couple of steps in any direction, but that wasn't the point.

Uh-huh. And do you really think Mrs. Bitters wouldn't just take it away? Dude, seriously. It's for your own good."

"No, no. You said that it only accounts for 25% of a Pak's energy, right?"

"That's what they said. I'm just saying what I heard,"

"Well, in that case, it's not like I'm going to die. Life's just going to suck for the next couple of months," Dib said, looking at Gaz.

"Y'know what? Fine. Just don't come crying to me when you feel like death in a week," Gaz said, before standing up to turn on the PS4. It would be funny to watch her brother suffer from his own stubbornness.

"Yup. I'll be perfectly fine!" Dib said as he went to walk outside.

"Where the hell are you going? Its the middle of the night," Gaz asked, raising one eyebrow at him.

"I... Don't know," Dib replied, rubbing his eyes.

"Go to bed, you cockroach," Gaz said, pointing at the stairs.

Nodding, Dib walked over to the stairs and went to his room. However, upon entering his bedroom, Dib realized he was going to have a bit of a problem. He was too tall for his bed.

Grumbling, he laid a few blankets end to end on the floor and went to sleep there. There was no way in hell he was sleeping with his disguise holo on. From what Gaz had said, it sounded like that might not be the best idea since his current holo covered his Pak, and Dib really didn't want to have to reconfigure it right now.

In the morning, when he woke up to Gaz kicking him in the ribs, Dib was not prepared to have a pile of textbooks thrown at his face. 

"Get up, its time for school," she said, before giving him one last kick in the ribs and leaving. Yawning, Dib stood up. He was glad that his room had such high ceilings, because it meant he could actually stretch. Sitting on the edge of his bed, Dib started fiddling with his disguise projector. It sounded like he was going to have to make it so his Pak wasn't hidden.

Great. Well, at least everyone would just assume it was a backpack or something. But if anyone tried to say he and Zim were "twinsies" he would kill them.

Once he was done tinkering with the disguise, Dib put it on and pressed the activation button. It still felt weird, seeing everything seem to grow around him. He still hated how wrong looking normal made him feel.

Walking downstairs, he realized there was one upside to having his Pak not hidden; he could still use his Pak legs. Spearing a waffle with one, he used another to grab the bottle of syrup. 

"Dib, just ask Foodio to make you something you can eat without getting sick," Gaz said, swatting the waffle off of his plate.

"I'm too tired to give a shit," he replied, picking it up off the floor.

"Alright, trash-for-brains," Gaz said, rolling her eyes and grabbing her backpack.

"See you at school, gamer trash," Dib said. Once Gaz was gone, he looked at the waffle on his plate. There was a 50% chance it would give him food poisoning. Shrugging, he took a bite. 

Five minutes later, he was hunched over the toilet, puking his guts up. Oh joy, today was just going great. 

When he actually got around to leaving the house, Dib was already almost late for school. Great. Grimacing, he began to run. If anyone questioned how he was running so fast, it could just be explained away by the fact that his dad was Professor Membrane. Hell, in the past his dad had even run a similar experiment, albeit an unsuccessful one. Turns out, coffee for blood isn't really healthy.

By running, Dib managed to arrive at about the same time as Gaz. When she saw him, she raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything. Dib didn't mind, the less attention drawn to him the better. It's hard to take a nap when people are trying to talk to you.

As he was walking down the hall, however, Dib didn't manage to avoid attention. Instead, he felt a hand grab him by the collar, yank him backward, and slam him into a locker. Looking at his attacker, Dib realized who it was. Torque Smackey.

Dib briefly considered his options. He could either beat the crap out of Torque, get in trouble, and spend the whole day in detention prying gum off the bottom of desks. Or, he could talk his way out of this, go to class, sleep, and then teach Torque a lesson after school.

It wasn't that hard a decision.

"Well, if it isn't the little zombie boy! What, your precious dad didn't want you to stay dead? Science experiment freak!" Torque said, laughing.

"Oh? I was under the impression you'd actually grown a heart from the way you kicked Zim's face in the first time I died and came back. I should have known it was just that you saw an excuse to beat someone up and took it," Dib replied, raising one eyebrow.

When Torque tightened his grip on DIb's shoulder, he had to fight back a laugh. He couldn't believe he used to be scared of this fool! It was pathetic!

Reaching up to grab Torque's wrist, Dib lightly squeezed, smiling at his assailant. Or rather, lightly squeezed compared to what he could have done. It still left Torque on the ground clutching his wrist, holding back a scream.

Leaning down to whisper into Torque's ear, Dib said, "If you really want to continue this fight, I'll be behind the school after school." Satisfied with his handiwork, Dib continued walking to homeroom. His classmates, oblivious as ever, didn't even seem to notice what had just happened.

About an hour, Dib was napping at his desk when he was startled awake by a ruler slapping across the back of his head. Rubbing his eyes, he looked up to see Mrs. Bitters standing behind him.

"What gives you the right to sleep in my class? My job is to keep you awake for seven hours a day and bore you out of your mind," she said, looking down at him.

"And my job is to completely ignore whatever lessons you are teaching in favor of screaming at Zim. I'm obviously not doing that right now, so I might as well be napping," Dib replied. raising an eyebrow.

The fact that he, after this, at least made an effort to look awake was probably the only reason he wasn't currently hanging by his ankles over a pit of flames. 

As he rested his head on his arms, Dib felt a tap on his shoulder. Looking behind himself, he saw Gretchen looking confused.

"Man, how tired are you? You haven't yelled about Zim being an alien, like, at all today!" she said, her brow furrowed in concern. Dib laughed.

"Oh, sure! I've died twice this year, but yeah! I'm fine!" Dib said, placing one hand over his chest and throwing the other out to the side dramatically. As soon as the last word left his lips, he went deadly serious.

"Now. I'm tired, feel like shit, and my mom told me to stop hassling Zim. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to get back to my nap!" he said, with his usual vigor.

"Wait, your... mom? You have a mom?" another student asked, confused.

"Of course! The Almighty Tallest Miyuki is the best mom! AND NO DIB-STINK! SHE IS NOT YOURS!" Zim shouted, jumping up to stand on his desk and point at Dib.

"Ahahahaha! Sure, tell that to Dad!" Dib said, standing as well and laughing, before lunging at Zim. His hands outstretched, he nearly had his fingers around Zim's throat before a dark tendril grabbed him by the collar and yanked him back to his seat.

"Now, as entertaining as it would be to watch you two kill each other, we don't have the budget for a sibling brawl," Mrs. Bitters hissed, looming up over them.

"W-wait, sibling brawl?" one of the students asked, looking between Zim and Dib rapidly.

"Disgustingly, yes. Dib's pathetic human father has somehow managed to seduce my Tallest!" Zim shouted, pointing at Dib and glaring.

"NO ONE INSULTS MY FATHER, YOU COCKROACH!" Dib shouted, once again lunging at Zim.

"If I'm a cockroach then what are you?" Zim asked, a smug grin on his face. AS he spoke, Dib was slammed into the ground by another tendril of shadow.

"Dib, back in your seat before I have to give you detention!" Mrs. Bitters hissed, infuriated.

"Yes ma'am," Dib said, sitting down. His Pak glowed gently, and Dib so badly wanted to spear Zim like an overgrown cocktail weenie. However, he knew better than to mess with Mrs. Bitters.

However, a few class periods later when spitballs started to repeatedly hit him in the head, though, Dib raised his hand.

"What is it this time, Dib?" Mrs. Bitters said, raising one eyebrow.

"In the entropic decay of the universe, a single fight has little matter. Neither does a teacher taking a bribe. So, if I give you some cash, may I please beat the crap out of whoever is pelting me with spitballs?" Dib asked, his hand raised. With the other hand, he pulled a wad of cash out of his Pak.

"You'll have to take it to the underground classrooms," Mrs. Bitters said, thoroughly unimpressed, "and no need to bribe me. I sell tickets to the cage fights anyway."

"Cage fights?! What? N-no, this was all a misunderstanding!" the bully said, raising his hands. 

"Why yes, it was! If I had known cage fights were a thing, I'd be fighting Zim instead of you. However, this is an opportunity I can't pass up!" Dib said, smiling.

"Now, obviously no creature so stupid is a normal human. I wonder what color your insides are?" Dib said, tapping his chin. Sure, he might be being a bit cruel, but it was nothing compared to what those whelps had subjected him to for the past years.

Besides, Dib knew humanity was perfectly capable of that level of stupidity! After all, they hadn't even noticed anything different about him.

Lowering his hand, Dib was still wide awake. That nap, however interrupted, must really have helped. As he was sitting there thinking about this, though, one of the lights flickered and died.

"Alright, who's going to go to the supply closet and get a new one?" Mrs. Bitters said, looking out over the class. Every single one of them shrunk down in their seats; they'd heard tales of the supply closet.

"You! Dib! Go get a new lightbulb!" Mrs. Bitters said, pointing at Dib. Grimacing, he stood up.

When he got to the supply closet, he looked for the lightbulbs. As he was looking, he felt a tentacle wrap around his ankle. Not even bothering to turn and look, Dib activated a lazer in his Pak and evaporated whatever eldritch abomination was bothering him. He'd have to come back for the corpse later, but it had to die. 

After all, it was either him or it. He could have stayed and gotten it to let his ankle go, but he would have been late getting back to class, and Mrs. Bitters would have literally killed him.

Knowing her, she had some way to make sure he'd stay dead. Dib didn't want to risk it, so he had just killed the thing that had his ankle stuck.

Looking up, Dib saw that the lightbulbs were on the top shelf. Looking around, Dib saw that there were no cameras in the supply closet. Shrugging, he deactivated his disguise so he could reach them.

And he was still too short. Why on Irk would a school whose students averaged at five and a half feet tall need twenty-foot tall shelves? Sighing, Dib used his Pak legs to lift himself up until he could actually grab a bulb.

Looking at the package, Dib realized it was a UV bulb. Antennae flicked forward in curiosity, Dib looked at the rest of the bulbs. There were simply more UV bulbs. Odd. If the school was lit entirely in UV bulbs, how was everyone still always so pasty, like they hadn't gotten any sunlight in months?

Shrugging, Dib retracted his Pak legs and lowered himself to the floor. Once on the ground, he reactivated his disguise, grimacing at the way the shelves slid past his vision as he shrunk.

Back in class, as he screwed the lightbulb in, he looked at Mrs. Bitters and asked a question. "Since when have all the lightbulbs been UV?"

"Since I got a call from your mom. Tell her I'm glad we're back on for tea again, it's been too long. That energy beast was a jerk," Mrs. Bitters replied, before continuing her lecture on the eventual death of the universe, and how because of this, there was really no point in suffering at a job you hate.

"Wait, are you Irken?" Dib asked, looking at Mrs. Bitters.

"No. Now sit down," Mrs. Bitters said, honestly. 

"Oh...kay then. Not going to question that," Dib said, sitting back down.


	21. Its a Mental Breakdown! (to the tune of the final countdown)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HAhahaha i had to change the rating of the ficking fic for this chapter

Sitting on the bench, Dib was tempted to shed his disguise, to utterly terrify the fool who'd dared to introduce him to the fact that the school had arena battles to solve disputes. However, that would be counterproductive. 

Now, that didn't mean he wasn't going to make his classmate soil himself; he was just going to do it while looking as he had before he'd died the first time. As he sat there, Dib looked up at the cracked, musty ceiling above him and wondered what the "arena" would look like. Probably just a couple desks arranged in a circle.

As he leaned back against the damp, molding wall behind him, Dib crossed his arms. He was currently weighing the pros and cons of using his Pak legs to wipe the floor with his classmate. The cons were that people might get suspicious, and the fight would be over all too quick. The pros were that it would be fun, and he could just toy with the boy who had bullied him daily for the past years of his life. Calling him names, just because he looked different, and acted a little odd. Humans were all the sa-. Wait.

Shit.

Leaning forward, Dib rested his elbows on his knees and held his head in his hands. He had just realized that he'd done the  _ same exact thing _ to Zim. He'd shouted, fought, tried to capture and dissect him. 

"Humans really are all the same..." he said, looking at his hand. Four fingers and a thumb, short nails, round knuckles. A darkish peach color, slightly lighter on the palm than the top. Clenching his hand into a fist, Dib groaned. He was going to have to apologize the next time he saw Zim, wasn't he? Great, fan-flipping-tastic.

Humans were all the same. Sometimes, like right now, Dib was glad he wasn't one anymore. Other times, like also right now, he wished he could go back to the way things were. What was the saying?

Ignorance is bliss. Ha. How right that particular idiom was. 

Looking at his hands, Dib wanted to tear his diguise holo off, damn the consequences. He wanted to rip it from his wrist, throw it to the ground, and smash it. He wanted to just be able to pick a life, not have a foot in two entirely different worlds.

But he'd caused this, and right now, he had to stay. His dad needed him. Gaz needed him. And honestly, he needed them. For the longest time, Gaz had been all he had; their sibling bond was unbreakable. If something were to happen to her... well, it wouldn't be pretty. The words "Organic Sweep" come to mind. And his dad... He hadn't been there for the longest time, just a passing shadow, a pre-recorded message. But now, now that he was making an effort, trying to right his wrongs, now that Dib could see that he hadn't realized how much his absence was hurting them. Dib couldn't bear to lose him, couldn't bear to contemplate him not being there anymore.

As Dib was thinking, he heard a bell ringing. It sounded like the school's usual bells, but slightly wrong. Just barely off-key, jarring. Stilted. As it's ringing echoed, the door at the far end of the room swung open, opposite from where Dib had entered. 

Walking towards it, Dib made a decision. He wouldn't use his Pak legs for the first part of the fight; he'd even let himself get knocked around a bit. Of course, the second half would be the fun part.

Stepping out into the arena proper, Dib was surprised when the ground crunched slightly under his feet, like dusty earth. Bright lights shined in his face; if he had had human eyes, he would have had to squint to avoid being blinded. Instead, he looked deadpan up at the crowd.

He was actually in an arena, not some janky circle of desks. And there was an actual crowd, a couple hundred students at least. At the other end of the arena, his opponent stood, squinting into the lights, looking incredibly cocky. This would be too easy.

Allowing himself a quick grin, Dib set about what he considered an absolutely perfect performance. While in the past he would puff out his chest and act with boundless energy to discourage bullies, now he did the opposite. He knocked his knees together and slouched slightly. He knit his face into a look of terror and confusion and set to wringing his hands. When he stepped forward, he made sure to do so shakily.

Looking across the arena, Dib could pinpoint the exact moment when Seth spotted him. The cocky grin on the little twerp's face was unmistakable; it was the same one he'd always wear whenever he would give Dib a swirly, or take his lunch money, or the million and one other things Dib's bullies would do to him.

Stepping out to the center of the arena, Dib tensed himself. When Seth ran forward, he broadcasted his punch so clearly that Dib had to make a conscious effort not to whirl around and sweep his legs out from under him.

Instead, Dib let the punch travel directly into his stomach and even acted as if it hurt. The crowd gasped, before cheering. Throwing himself backward, Dib curled into a ball on the ground and acted as if his opponent's kicks to his ribs were actually doing damage.

Really hamming it up, Dib even acted as if he was about to throw up. The crowd was going wild, cheering and hooting and hollering. Seth was soaking it all in, basking in the praise.

After a few moments, Dib's hand shot out and grabbed Seth's ankle. Yanking, Dib pulled him to the ground. A smile growing on his face, Dib stood up and began to calp; the arena went deathly silent.

Dib's claps echoed throughout the now silent arena. His laugh tore at the watching crowd's ears, a sound of madness, etching away at their sanity. It was a full-blown villain laugh, the signature of the Irken Empire.

Slowing his claps, Dib knelt down to his opponent's face and spoke.

"Grand show, grand show, you were doing spectacular! Honestly, if you weren't so pathetic, it may have even been impressive!" Dib said, ducking backward to avoid a swinging fist flung at his face.

"And I think I really must congratulate myself on my performance; did you see how entertained the crowd was?" Dib continued, dancing backward avoiding the knife that flashed towards his ankles.'

"Awww, how cute. You just activated my trap card. I wasn't going to use weaponry until you did! Thank you ever so much!" Dib said, backflipping away, landing against one wall of the arena. Running up it, he latched his fingers around the upper lip of the wall, smiling at the spectators.

"Why hello, Gretchen! I didn't have you pegged as the bloodthirsty type! Now, warning you now, if you bet against me, I'd go change it," Dib said, looking his classmate in the eyes. As she leaned backward away from him, Dib used his Pak legs to push off the wall, flying towards Seth.

Stabbing his Pak legs into the ground to halt his momentum, Dib stopped mere inches from Seth's face. Grinning, he reached out and grabbed his enemy by the nose. Hooking his forefinger and thumb as if they were a nose ring, Dib's grin grew. Allowing his disguise to flicker just enough for his fingers to sharpen into claws, Dib gripped hard. And. Pulled.

The scream tore though the arena, and several members of the crowd were sick. To Dib, however, it was a chorus of angels, singing a beautiful song. The blood running down his fingers was a stream of rubies, more valuable than any gemstone. the shattered mess of cartilage that was all his enemy had left for a nose was just what Dib wanted to see.

Holding the half of the nose that had torn free from Seth's face, Dib blinked, once, and began to laugh maniacally.

"Just- just a sec!" Dib said, laughing, "I- I thought of something hilarious, but- *wheeze* - but I've got to stop laughing enough to tell you !" Slapping his knee with his free hand, Dib raised into the air on his Pak legs, kicking his legs. 

"Oh. Ok, I think I-" Dib said, still laughing, "I think I can talk well enough now. Okay, man this was funnier in my head," as he lowered himself to the ground, standing a few feet from Seth. Seth was still hunched over, clutching at his face and wracked with sobs.

"Got your nose!" dib said, sending himself into another round of laughing. Another round of terrifying, maniacal, evil-sounding laughter.

"H-Hey, would you mind- oh gee this is too good- would you mind lending me a hand?" Dib asked, using one Pak leg to deftly slice of Seth's right hand, and another to spear it, pulling it towards him. The entire time his body was wracked with hysterical laughter, one hand covering his left eye, clutching at his hair.

"Please, stop!" Seth screamed, so loudly that his vocal cords rattled.

"Haahahaha! Y'know, funny thing," Dib said, walking away from Seth, before whirling around to face him, "I remember saying the same exact thing soooo many times! Of course, you wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

"What are you talking about?" Seth asked, playing dumb. Dib could see it in his eyes, the way his gaze flicked to the side, the way sweat crested his brow. 

"Maybe I'm talking about the dozens of times you broke my arms. Maybe I'm talking about the hundreds of times I got cholera or dysentery when you'd give me a swirly. The school is disgusting," Dib said, slowly sauntering towards Seth.

"HAHAHA! Oh I just thought of another one!" Dib laughed, doubling over.

"L-Lend me your ear, and I'll tell you all about it!" he said, barely managing to stop laughing long enough to get the words out. Reaching out, he gently ran his finger up Seth's ear, before hooking it through the cartilage, doing the same with the other ear. Looking Seth in the eyes, Dib pulled in opposite directions. Seth's whole face seemed to stretch, but then there was a wet ripping sound, and in either hand, Dib held an ear. Blood gushed down Seth's shoulders, creating a ruby cape.

"Oooh, stylish! I've always loved capes!" Dib said, laughing to himself.

Holding the torn ears up to his own (or at least, the holographic projections in place of where his would be), Dib tilted his head from side to side. "What do you think? Literal earrings!"

Blinking, Dib looked at Seth, who was currently a bloody, crying wreck, somehow still standing upright. "What? Not your style? Well, they certainly didn't look good on you!"

"P-Please, stop. I- I surr-" Seth was about to surrender, but a Pak leg flashed forward, tipping his chin upwards.

"Ah-ah-ah! Now, hold your tongue before you say something you'd regret!" Dib said, using two Pak legs to pry Seth's mouth open, and a third to slice his tongue out. This done, he placed it into Seth's remaining hand.

Whirling around to face the crowd, Dib bowed. "Thank you, thank you," he said, looking back at Seth and grinning, "We'll be here all night!"

The crowd was silent. They had come to see a pathetic loser with a big head get beaten black and blue. This... this was awful.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! I just thought of another MAGNIFICENT joke!: Dib said, placing one hand to his chest and throwing the other to the side, dramatically.

Seth moaned something which may have sounded like "Please, no," if he had had a tongue.

Dib, meanwhile, was using a few Pak legs and a tarp to create a sort of basin. He then used some odd device to lift all the still-wet blood from the ground and place it inside. It wasn't much, but it created a small pool at the bottom of the makeshift basin. Grabbing Seth, Dib placed him inside.

"Do you get it? Do you get the joke? It-s a" Dib was cut off by his own laughter, "Its a literal bloodbath!"

"Now, let's end this," Dib said, retracting all his Pak legs at once, leaving Seth to fall to the ground. "Now, Seth,"

As Dib spoke, Seth writhed on the ground, trying to scramble backwards, trying to escape. Desperation filled his eyes.

"I'm sure you'll SEE things my way, but maybe not," Dib said, jabbing a finger into each of Seth's eyesockets and pulling the eyeballs out with a pop- and another scream from Seth. While Seth screamed, Dib pulled a coin from his pocket.

"But penny for your thoughts," Dib said, flicking the coin at Seth's forehead with such force that it left a dent in the skull, killing Seth. This final joke made, Dib doubled over in laughter, never seeming to run out of air. Perks of having a Pak.

Behind him, Dib heard a single pair of hands clapping, clappingg, clapping.

"Fantastic, Dib! Fantastic! Your first kill! This is amazing!" he heard a voice saying, but it sounded distant. Looking down at his hands, everything was wrong. They were too fleshy, too peachy. Everything around him was too tall, or he was too short. A something set resting on his face.

And he was covered in blood. But it was the wrong color. It was red. Why was it red. Why was the blood red it should be magenta blood was magenta why was it red what was going on somEBODY HELP.

Looking around, Dib felt like he might be sick. He was surrounded on all sides by... somethings. Fleshy, horrible somethings. Their heads were all too round, their eyes too small. Their eyes were horrible! small dots of black, whiteness creeping in at the edges. Their teeth were all wrong, too sharp, too flat. And what were those horrible lumps of flesh on their faces, between the eyes? 

Falling backwards, Dib threw up. But even that was the wrong color. It should be translucent magenta why was it greenish why did it have all those colors what were those chunks what was going on soMEBODY HELP.

Eyes wide, Dib whipped his head around again, searching for the source of the voice. It was familiar he needed to find it he needed he needed he neeDED HELP WHY WAS NOBODY HELPING HIM.

Holding his head in his hands, Dib felt something on the top of his head. What was it what was it get it off get it off why was his head fuzzy what were those things on the side of his head what was going on somebody plEASE HELP HIM.

"Dib? Dib-" there was the voice again. He could barely hear it, and it was fading in and out of audibiltiy. Without reaizing it, Dib was holding his knees to his chest and rocking back and forth, creating a cage around himself with his Pak legs.

"-uo okay? We need to get you home no-" he heard. Yes home get him home need to go home home please. Home. Need to go home. Go to Irk. Go home. Go home now. Get away from these fleshy monsters. Go home. Home now please someBODY HELP HIM GET HIM HOME PLEASE.

Dib felt a hand on his shoulder. It felt wrong, too soft. Where were the claws. Why was it soft get it off get it off get it OFF.

"Dib, please- need- home" he heard, the voice fading in and out again. Familiar Tallest yes Tallest yes Miyuki mom home now comfort home mom yes home comfort wrong wrong too soft home now please.

Hand another hand get it off get it off help somebODY HELP HIM PLEASE.

Fight yes fight attack kill kill get it off get it off get it off get home run run run run run run run away now run fight help somEBODY HELP PLEASE

"Dib-n't mak-please-fine- Alpha Beta 9 9 9 8 7 5 Code Error B" he heard, and everything went black.


	22. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a lot shorter than usual, I'm just using it to wrap up some things, as well as spring us into the winter arc! It'll just be Gaz and membrane, I wonder what will happen?

"Miyuki, what's wrong with him?" Membrane asked, standing at the side of the hospital bed where Dib was currently laying, unconscious.

"I-I don't know, Fess. This is all. It's all new territory. I think it might be that..." Miyuki trailed off, holding her head in her hands.

"What? What might it be?" he asked, looking at her.

"Never before in the history of the Irken Empire has a non-Irken been revived as an Irken. I think it could be that the parts of him that are still human- his mentality, morals, loyalty to Humankind- they're at war with the Pak, with what he is. I-I know I shouldn't have done this, but I- I couldn't just leave him dead, Fess. I couldn't!" Miyuki said, tears dripping down her face.

"Ha... ha... If a few hundred years ago, you had told me that I'd be falling apart over a bunch of humans, I'd have told you you were crazy," she said, looking at Membrane. "I- I'm supposed to be strong, cold, calculated. I'm not supposed to show emotion, or even feel it! so why, then, am I falling apart like this?"

"Yuki, please, don't talk like that. There's nothing wrong with you," Membrane said, walking over to her. Even with her sitting down and him standing up, he was still barely eye-level with her.

Sitting beside her, Membrane wrapped his arms around his fiance, pulling her into a hug. He was about to offer more words of comfort when Dib stirred in his bed. Membrane had had to have one specially made to be long enough for Dib to fit.

Sitting up, he propped himself up with one elbow and looked around. He looked confused. Membrane was just about to walk over and hug him when he spoke.

"My Tallest? Where am I? And who is... that?" he asked, pointing at Membrane.

"W- Wait, what? Dib, it's me, your father," Membrane said, voice cracking. In that moment, you could practically hear his heart shattering.

"What- I- " Dib said, scrunching his face up in confusion. He put one hand to his forehead, and his antennae were quivering. All of a sudden, his back was arched, agony filled his eyes, and he was screaming. Membrane tried to rush over, but had to be pulled back. Dib's Pak legs were slicing through the air wildly, electricity arcing through them. And through him

After a moment, he collapsed. " ** Memory Databanks Restored ** ," he said, before sitting upright again.

"Wh-what just happened?" he asked, looking scared. "Dad, please. What just happened?"

Tearing free of Miyuki's grasp, Membrane ran over to Dib and pulled him into a hug. "I- I don't know. But I promise, I'll never let it happen again. Not if I have anything to say about it," he said, burying his face in Dib's shoulder.

"Thanks, Dad," Dib said, smiling. Miyuki walked over as well, joining in on the hug.

A few moments later, Dib was standing up when the lights on his Pak started pulsing, and he fell over. " ** Power reserves dangerously low. Entering emergency hibernation, ** " he said, as his eyes drifted shut.

"Shit. I thought there would be more time," Miyuki said, looking at him.

"What? What's going on now?" Membrane asked, sounding incredibly worried.

"Well, this time it's not dangerous. He's just gone into hibernation early. The fight, the electric shock, his Pak restoring the memory databanks... he must be completely drained," Miyuki said, looking at Dib.

"Well, he'll be fine, won't he? We can just get him home, get a UV lamp, and he'll wake up, right?" Membrane replied, pacing.

"It- it doesn't work like that. We're not on the Massive, he needs to hibernate. It would be like if you didn't sleep for weeks at a time, and subsisted only on coffee," Miyuki said, picking Dib up.

"I- oh. When will he wake up?" Membrane asked, reaching to hold his son's limp hand.

"Whenever spring arrives," Miyuki said, "Now let's get him home. He needs his rest."


	23. Poison Apples

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> haha. Did you know ground apple seeds are super deadly? Hahahaha. Haha. Hah. Yeah. I had to put Membrane out of commision a bit for... reasons. Guess Gaz is alll alone now, huh?

A week later, Gaz was sitting in class drumming her fingers on her desk. It was funny; from the sounds of things, people were now as scared of Dib as they were of her. Of course, this made Gaz happy.

People feared her as much as they feared the kid who'd brutally murdered someone on display in front of the whole school using high-tech weaponry to slice his enemy apart bit by bit. And she hadn't even killed anyone!

Smiling, she pulled out her GameSlave. Her teacher, one Mr. Elliot, looked like he was going to tell her to put it away, but she simply slid one finger across her throat without looking up.

Of course, there were more upsides to being feared. For example, she could just get up and walk out of class. Like she was doing now.

Walking down the hallways, Gaz thought about everything that had happened in the past months. She thought again about how, at first, Dib hadn't remembered their father, and what else that meant he had likely forgotten. Luckily, that seems to have only been temporary.

Leaning against her locker, Gaz thought about the past week. A whole hell of a lot had happened.

Precisely seven days ago, Miyuki had carried a very bloody Dib, currently in his disguise, into the house. However, the blood was obviously not his. It was human blood.

"Shit! What the hell happened to him? Gaz asked, looking at Dib.

"Well, you know the school-sanctioned arena fights?" Miyuki asked, sighing, "Yeah well Dib had a mental break."

"That doesn't explain all that blood! What the hell happened to his opponent?"

"Well, they won't be returning to class," Miyuki said, before calling for Membrane.

"Yes honey? What's the ma-OH BY SCIENCE IS DIB OKAY?" As Membrane walked into the room and saw Dib, he ran over. 

"Fess, honey, that's not his blood," Miyuki said, trying to calm Membrane.  
  
"Then who's blood is it?!" Membrane asked, now just more concerned.

"Oh, he was in one of the school-sanctioned arena fights," Miyuki said, shrugging her shoulders.

"I- I'm sorry, the SCHOOL-SANCTIONED WHATS?"

"I- Oh you didn't know about those. Huh."

"No, I didn't know about those! Okay, no, I can deal with this later," Membrane said, running a hand through his hair. "Why is Dib unconscious."

"Oh he had a mental break so I had to shut him down before he hurt himself," Miyuki said, flippantly.

"Mental break. Mental. Break. And what do you mean, 'shut him down'?" Membrane said, furrowing his eyebrows.

"I... shut him down? Standard operating procedures? I- Judging by the look on your face I'm assuming that's abnormal for humans," Miyuki said, biting her lip.

"No. It's not normal at all for humans. In fact, for someone who is mentally human, it could be quite. Damaging. You know. Someone like Dib?" Membrane said, gesturing towards Dib.

"Oh. Well. Uh. Do you have somewhere he can rest while we monitor his vitals? I'd take him to my place, but Zim would probably try to start a fight with him while he's still unconscious," Miyuki said. After taking a deep breath, Membrane gestured for her to follow him.

"Sometimes I forget that Irkens are primarily technological, what with your Paks," Membrane said, as he led Miyuki to his lab.

Once they were gone, Gaz went upstairs. She needed to see who it was exactly that Dib had killed. With how much blood there was, there was no way whoever he had fought was still alive.

Sitting down on her bed, she pulled out her laptop and logged on to the school forum. A quick glance showed that people were setting up memorials for a dude named "Seth." Where had she heard that name before...

Oh right, he was one of the idiots who would bully Dib. Guess he'd just taken it too far this time. Seriously, though, the dude must have been an idiot after what happened to Hutch and Jessica.

Pursing her lips, Gaz considered attending his funeral. After a moment's thought, she quickly discarded the idea. First of all, he'd brought this on himself. Second of all, it sounded boring.

Gaz was just about to start playing one of her many video games when she heard screams. Pocketing her Gameslave, she ran down the stairs. Before she could get to her dad's lab, though, the screaming stopped. 

As she was walking down the stairs to the lab, Gaz saw Miyuki walking up, once again carrying Dib, who was once again unconcious. Tears streaked her cheeks. Behind her was Membrane.

"Dad? What's wrong with Dib? What was all that screaming?" Gaz asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

"He's fine. His Pak is running low on energy, so he went into hibernation a bit early. Miyuki's just taking him to her place so he can rest," her father responded. He sounded tired.

Nodding, Gaz turned around to head back up the stairs. In the living room, she sat on the couch and turned on the TV to play some games.

The next day in school, Gaz replied to any question of where her brother was with a raised eyebrow. However, she did stop to think. Since the end of summer, the only time DIb had actually been at school had been before fall break a bit and then a single day just recently. Oh well. The truancy officers were too scared of her dad to do anything about it.

During class, it took all of Gaz's willpower to not just deck anyone who talked ill of her brother. That was her job. No one else was allowed to do it. Especially not right now.

Each day of class that week was the same. Whispers, averted gazes, nervous chatter. Silence as soon as Gaz entered a room. Eventually, Gaz decided she had had enough.

As she walked into the classroom, she saw Torque Smackey and a few of his cronies in the corner, whispering to each other. When they saw her, the cronies all hushed each other, and even Torque quieted for a few moments. However, after a while, he grinned and began to speak again. This time, not even bothering to lower his voice. Not one word was out of his mouth before Gaz spoke up.

"Oh sure, insult my brother, I dare you," she said, still looking at her game.

"What, why not? Can't he defend himself? I mean, he's right here isn't he?" Torque said, seeming pleased, "Oh wait, he's not,"

"T-Torque, please, I-I don't want to have to call the janitor," the teacher said, raising a finger to his lips in a shushing motion.

"Well, why would you? I'm just talking about how Dib is in the Crazy House finally. Exactly where he belongs!" Torque replied, laughing. Gaz opened one eye all the way, moving her expression from her usual glaring squint.

Before anyone realized what was going on, Torque's right eye was on his desk, and Gaz was back in her seat, playing her game, as if she had never stood up.

As Torque stared at his eye in shock, his gaze now in a sagging, empty wink, he began to scream. He didn't even seem to realize he was screaming.

"Oh my, Torque seems to have lost it really and truly this time," Gaz said, reaching into her desk. Her usually neutral expression leered into a creepy grin.

Slowly withdrawing her hand from her desk, Gaz held up a green card with a white border for all to see. After letting everyone see it for a moment, she chuckled.

"I'm using one of our Crazy Cards, alright? I mean, he cost me my high score," Gaz continued, throwing the card at the teacher. It spun so quickly and so hard that when it hit the front blackboard, instead of bouncing off, it embedded itself into the surface. The resulting noise was so high pitched and awful that many of the students in the room covered their ears.

"I'll even throw in a voucher for emergency eyeball re-attachment at my dad's labs! I mean, do be sure to read the fine print, but still," Gaz finished, before turning her attention fully back to her game.

As she did so, the teacher sighed and opened up one of the drawers in his desk. Pressing the button that was the only thing in that drawer, he looked at Torque and said, "I tried to warn you."

As Torque was dragged away kicking and screaming, the classroom was otherwise quiet. For the rest of the period, the only thing anyone did was pointedly NOT look at Gaz.

At the ned of the period, as the bell rang, the teacher cleared his throat. "W-well. I guess I'll see you all Monday? Have a good weekend!"

It was while Gaz was walking home that the first attempt on her father's life that week happened. Of course, it had to be Friday afternoon, now her weekend was shot. Honestly, if anything happens tomorrow, there's no chance of getting anything done at all.

From what she could tell from lab assistants and miscellaneous researchers texting her nonstop, (honestly how the hell did they even get her number) it seemed like someone had spiked her dad's tea with finely ground apple seeds. From what tests were reporting back, whoever it was had replaced the sugar in the sugar bowl with the stuff.

It was lucky that Professor Membrane had been called away to fix a currently exploding experiment after only a single sip, or he would be dead right now. All the safety measures in the world and he forgoes them because he was late getting to his teapot and didn't want to miss his break. Gaz certainly knew where Dib's lack of common sense came from.

Sighing, Gaz turned around. So much for heading home. Once at the labs, she was led to Professor Membrane's private medical bay. Walking in, Gaz wasn't surprised to see her father unconscious. He had gotten a new tea recently, and hated how bitter it was. However, he was too stubborn to throw it out, so he'd just been dumping loads of sugar into it.

Stepping over to the side of the bed, Gaz was surprised to see that someone had removed his prosthetic arms. Looking up at the extremely nervous doctor, she asked what was going on.

"W-well, we... we think someone hacked them. How, we don't know. They were quite literally the most encrypted things on the planet. It almost seemed like magic. Crap! Please don't tell him I said that I'd get fired! I'm supposed to be looking for how they were actually hacked," they said. 

Gaz raised one eyebrow, before shrugging. "He's going to be alright?"

"Uh... Yeah, he should e. Luckily, we keep samples of antidotes for every poison known to man in the lab at all times, just in case an experiment goes wrong. One time, we even had to use all of them at once on this one guy, he messed up really bad, he messed up a lot actually, wait I'm rambling aren't I. I'm. I'm going to get back to work," they said, leaving the room.

"Geez, Dad. Someone wants you dead really badly, don't they? I wonder what it is this time," Gaz said, walking over to the window. The clouds passing overhead were peaceful. So was Membrane's slow breathing, the steady beeping of the monitors, and everything else.

So why did Gaz have a feeling in her gut that everything was about to go horribly, terribly wrong?


	24. Gaz Fights Lovecraft's Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We can't forget that Gaz is membrane's kid, and Dib's sister. Okay?

Before she would go home that night, Gaz made the scientists run every test they could think of to make sure Membrane would be fine. Once thoroughly satisfied that he'd survive, Gaz had decided to walk home.

By the time she was walking out the door, the sun was almost completely over the horizon, only the last rays of its light peeking over.

Stepping onto the pavement, Gaz put her hands in her pockets. The evening breeze felt good on her face. Breathing deeply, she just walked for a while.

Several times while walking, Gaz thought she heard something in an alleyway, but that was normal. Probably just some raccoons. Shrugging, she put in one earbud and cranked up her music. Nothing like some video game tunes on an evening walk.

Eventually, Gaz decided she was hungry. So, she stopped by a convenience store for some snacks.

As she walked into the shop, the automatic doors whirred, and played a generic little chime. The same *ding-Dong!* that can be heard at any convenience store anywhere in the world.

As Gaz walked to the hot dog rollers, her shoes squeaking on the obnoxiously patterned linoleum, she heard the door chime again. When she turned to look, there was no one there. Furrowing her brow for a moment, she shrugged and turned back to the hot dogs.

None of them looked appetizing, all just slightly... off, so Gaz grabbed a slice of cold pizza from the refrigerated section instead. As she did, she could have sworn she heard someone curse. But it didn't sound human, just slightly off, just slightly too raspy, the inflection on the wrong parts of the word, a strange reverb effect that buzzed in her ears, hurting.

When Gaz walked to the cash register to pay, she noticed that all the hotdogs were gone. Where they were, the metal looked... burnt. Ah well, these places were always gross.

As Gaz stepped up to the counter, she took out the earbud she had in so she could hear the cashier better. When she did, she realized the music playing over the intercom was absolute crap. Seriously, what sort of baby's-first-gothic techno was this? It wasn't even recognizable as music, just scratches and static with the occasional jingle.

Wrinkling her nose, Gaz paid for her pizza and left. One of the upsides of her new arm was that she could use the laser as an impromptu pizza reheater. Plus, she was so deeply in shock after getting blown up in space that she didn't even remember it! Win-win.

Just as Gaz was about to take a bite of her pizza, she was knocked into by something, causing her to stumble forward. She lost her grip on the pizza, and it landed on the ground. Whirling around, she prepared to kill whoever it was that cost her her meal.

Looming behind her was a cosmic being of horror, dark mist snaking off it in every direction. It was also approximately two feet tall.

"I am the evil that spreads through this world, and have been contracted to kill you! Prepaaare to DIEEE!" it shouted, its voice annoyingly high-pitched.

"Uh-huh. Are you supposed to be scary?" Gaz asked, raising one eyebrow.

"Wh- HOW DARE YOU!" the thing shouted before it launched itself at Gaz's shoulder. Gaz merely raised her hand, caught it, held her hand straight upward with her palm facing the sky, and fired her arm cannon at 60% capacity. The thing evaporated, and the air reeked of sulfur.

"Well, that was... certainly something," Gaz said, turning to walk the rest of the way home. That thing must have been following her, and she had killed it. So why did she feel like she had just beaten the first stage of a really hard boss fight?

As she continued walking, Gaz realized she was still being followed. Now that she was looking for them, the signs were everywhere. Steps that seemed to stop when she did, the rustle of fabric... the way the streets seemed to be completely empty, even at the heart of the city.

Breaking into a jog, Gaz heard whoever- or whatever- was following her do the same. Gaz knew she just had to make it home and she'd be safe. Not even Santa could break through her dad's defenses.

When something wrapped around her ankle, Gaz grimaced. Reaching down, she fired a quick blast with her arm cannon, using just enough power to hurt whatever grabbed her. With a hiss, the thing withdrew. Not waiting another moment, Gaz broke into a dead sprint.

She could feel it. Reaching, grabbing, trying to get a hold. But whenever she looked back, there was nothing there. Even when she could feel it cutting a gash across her cheek, there was nothing to see.

Great. Invisible enemies were always a pain in games, and it seemed to be the same in reality. Hopefully, there would be something she could do to make it visible.

When the thing almost managed to take out one of her mechanical legs, Gaz decided making it to the house might not be an option. Casting her gaze around, she saw one of the Membrane Labs "If one of our experiments went wrong and you're all about to die, hide in here" safehouses at the end of the road.

Breathing a sigh of relief, Gaz kept running. It may not be as safe as the house, and it certainly wouldn't have any of those supernatural protections Dib had set up, but it would be something. Somewhere to hide, regroup.

Nearing it, Gaz could hear the thing chasing her falling behind. This was one of the moments she was glad she had lost three-quarters of her limbs in a space accident; there was no way in hell she would have been able to run this fast with her old legs.

When she made it to the safehouse, Gaz saw that the sign showed it to be empty. So, it wasn't just that everyone was hiding, they really were gone. Well, that was a headache she could deal with in a moment.

She tried the handle, but it passed through her hands like smoke. While she was stopped trying to get in, she heard the thing getting closer. Gaz weighed her options. She could either stand her ground and fight a thing she couldn't even see, or she could keep running.

Running was a valid battle strategy when in a high-level area if you are low to mid-level. She sure as hell wasn't going to take on an endgame world boss solo.

"Okay, now might be a good time to see if those speed boosters I had Dad install work," Gaz said, to no one in particular. The thing seemed to have gained speed, and she could feel heat radiating off of it. It would be really nice to have a Pak, and therefore the ability to activate thermal vision, right now. 

Unfortunately, Gaz had no idea how to activate the speed boosters. "Okay, fine. This is fine. What kind of crazy shot would Dad install as the activator? Some kind of petty in-joke, I'm su-Dad, I swear, if this activates it, I'm going to kill you myself," Gaz said, facepalming as she ran.

"Thanks, Dad!" she said, forcing false cheer into her voice. Damn it, if these things worked like that stupid pre-Foodio foodbot, she was going to scream.

Okay, buildings weren't normally a blur, the speed boost was definitely working. Gaz was going to have WORDS with her father after this. Right now, however, she needed to survive.

*Speed Boost Drained*

"WAIT WHAT?! WHAT KINDA CRAP STAMINA BOOST DO THESE THINGS HAVE?" Gaz shouted as she slowed back to a normal running speed. Okay, fine, this is fine, her dad is getting yelled at, but this is fine.

Looking back, Gaz realized she couldn't even tell how much distance she had gained on the thing because it was invisible. Great.

"What kind of exhausted, sleep-deprived bastard came up with this level design?" Gaz shouted, grimacing.

A few moments later, Gaz was slammed in the back by something invisible. She nearly lost her footing but managed to keep running.

Yeah, she probably wasn't going to make it home like this, was she? She needed a shortcut, but that would involve going through an alley- wait. Whatever this thing was, it was big. It probably wouldn't be able to follow her through an alleyway. 

Okay, just another couple hundred meters and Gaz knew there would be an alleyway she could cut through that would open into their neighbor's backyard.

As she neared the alleyway, the thing seemed to slow. However, Gaz currently had too much adrenaline pumping through her blood to think about what this meant. However, she quickly realized when she turned to the alleyway, ran a few steps in, and had people drop down all around her.

There were five of them, all dressed exactly the same. They looked like some five-year-old's idea of a ninja, and they had the Swollen Eyeball logo emblazoned on the chest of their outfits.

"Wait, the Swollen Eyeballs? Why the hell are you guys trying to kill me? I mean yeah, Dib wrecked you guys, but that was Dib," Gaz said, furrowing her eyebrows. While she waited for an answer, Gaz dropped into a fighting stance, arms raised into a block and her legs wide for stability.

"Wait, that was him?" one of them asked. His voice was raspy, like he smoked way too much pot.

"Wait, really? Huh. I didn't think the kid had it in him," said another. This one sounded like they were trying and failing to do a British accent.

"If that isn't why, then why are you trying to kill me?" Gaz asked, speaking loudly to disguise the noise of her arm cannon powering up.

"Your father has engaged forces not to be messed with!" the bulkiest of the five said.

"Wait, you're trying to kill me because my dad is marrying an alien space dictator?" Gaz said, blinking.

"Wait, he's what?" said the stoner-ninja.

"N-No? We didn't even know about that?" the bulky one said.

"Is it the war crimes? I totally get it if it was the war crimes," Gaz said, shrugging.

"Uh, kid, we're trying to kill you because your dad raised the dead," said the shortest of the knockoff-ninjas.

"Raised the... Oh, you're talking about Dib. Wait, didn't Dib raise a whole bunch of zombies for you guys back in like, third grade?" Gaz asked, tilting her head.

"Yeah, but that wasn't true raising of the dead, they were just zombies! Your father has messed with forces beyond mortal comprehension!" said the last of the knockoff-ninjas, this one with a valley girl accent.

`"That wasn't Dad that did that, it was Mom. Uh, Miyuki?" Gaz said. When none of the assassins seemed to know who she was talking about, Gaz sighed. "The alien space dictator?"

"Oh right, her! Well, we're still going to kill you. I mean we went through all this trouble! And, after all, if you're anything like your brother, you wouldn't hurt a fly! We're going to get off scot-free!"

Sighing, Gaz smiled. "You idiots obviously haven't been keeping tabs on Dib if you think that. Also, I have no qualms about," Gaz said, as she fired her arm cannon in rapid succession into the chests of each of her assailants, "killing."

As soon as the last of their corpses hit the ground, a deep thrumming sound filled the air. "Wait, why do I hear boss music?" Gaz asked, before the corpses began to disintegrate. The ashes swirled around Gaz's feet, before blowing to the center of the alley. There, they arranged into delicate designs, pentagrams and circles, and odd weavings.

A vermillion mist crept among the ashes, highlighting them. Once the design was completed, the mist transformed into a brilliant light, and there was a stentorian cracking noise, and a portal opened.

"Oh? But I already beat Doom Eternal," Gaz snarked, smiling.

When a tentacled beast emerged from the portal and quickly cut her in half, she wasn't smiling. Gaz managed to get a good couple shots at full capacity off into the thing's many eyes, but, well, there's not much you can do to survive a fight with a Lovecraftian abomination. Hell, it's unheard of for someone to kill it as it kills them. But Gazlene membrane managed the impossible. 

"Well, shit. Couldn't you have waited for Miyuki to wake up? I mean seriously, she JUST went into hibernation. Dad's going to work himself to death trying to fix this before she wakes up!" Gaz said, coughing.

And then everything went dark.


End file.
